Category: 
Thanks for all the entries to the competition. They were excellent, some more libelous than others. The winner of a Free £50 Bet is freakodude who engaged in an ever popular bit of Poulter-bashing:
In times of crisis, it’s sensible to get experts in. Therefore, I think in this case, a flooding expert, and an expert in animal welfare are required.
The flooding expert is an easy choice, it goes to Paula Radcliffe, as all she ever does now is weep and wee.
The animal welfare expert was a more difficult choice, until I recalled that one of the easiest methods of detecting if an animal is poorly, was to examine its faeces. So, for convincingly proving that he knows all there is to know about the shit of both bulls and horses, Paula’s partner onboard the Ark goes to Ian Poulter.
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As the summer rolls mercilessly into winter, it’s hard to distinguish which is which. These days you’d think that Evan Almighty is a documentary rather than the comedic blemish on Steve Carrell’s CV that it is.
We’re not saying Friday was a slow day in Paddy Power Plaza, but watching the rain pour down relentlessly sparked off a debate of biblical proportions.
If Noah was building an Ark today, which sporting couples would you put on it?
To ensure the survival of your perferred sport, team or nation, you’ve got the chance to put two people on the Ark. Give us your reason why. The funniest/most offensive/least libellous suggestion will win a €50 Free Bet.
I’m barred from entering, but may I put forward Roy Keane and Sonia O’Sullivan. Hopefully the boredom will force them into a bit of pro-creation and hey presto - nine months later we have a kid who’ll be a great footballer, an excellent runner or a shoe-in for the gold medal if they ever introduce “being from Cork” as an event in the Olympics.
Put your suggestions below.
Competition closes at midnight on Monday. Judges’ decision is final.
September 5th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
A good match would be the fantastic sprinter Jeanette Kwakye and Frankie Dettori between them they could produce the best ever long jump athlete ever seen
September 5th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
ally mccoist and sue barker - no need for an ark though, as long as you have a bbc studio….
September 5th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
ben johnson and marion jones? for a race of super fast people with deep voices and bulging eye balls?
September 5th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Victoria Pendleton and Usain Bolt their son would piss home in the Tour De France
September 5th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
On the pro-creation buzz, Tony McCoy and Nina Carberry, thats a match made in heaven!
September 5th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
gillett and hicks of liverpool i would be delighted to see the get on a boat and get out of town.
September 5th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
gazza and paul merson it would be a floating rehab centre
September 5th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Alex F and Michelle Smith De B, Alex could take her ur the Goran before setting sail, and when the Good ship Alex ran out of steam, Michelle could slip a harness on and power-stroke them along,
their off-spring would be fiery Celtic blend gifted with ability to pull off different strokes
September 6th, 2008 at 12:55 am
I do like your O’Sullivan & Keane pairing. How assured would their kid be, knowing that if they encountered a lion, for instance, that they had a good chance of running away from it, but had the confidence to nut it first.
Or, Michael Phelps & Rebecca Adlington: Considering that the flood will last many, many years, we have to think of the offspring, and the only pastime available for the kid will be to go for a swim, We should then equip him as best we can, and what better way than to be born with gills.
Or, to be honest, if there were to be another apocalyptic flood, perhaps it would simply be time for the human race to bow out. So to facilitate that, I would pair any female sportswoman with Peter Beardsley.
September 6th, 2008 at 2:30 am
Or (do I have too much time on my hands?), how about:
Since it would be good for the pair to be animal lovers - Kevin Keagan & Coleen Rooney
September 6th, 2008 at 7:52 am
As a far more serious attempt:
In times of crisis, it’s sensible to get experts in. Therefore, I think in this case, a flooding expert, and an expert in animal welfare are required.
The flooding expert is an easy choice, it goes to Paula Radcliffe, as all she ever does now is weep and wee.
The animal welfare expert was a more difficult choice, until I recalled that one of the easiest methods of detecting if an animal is poorly, was to examine its faeces. So, for convincingly proving that he knows all there is to know about the shit of both bulls and horses, Paula’s partner onboard the Ark goes to Ian Poulter.
September 6th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Malcolm Glazer and Princess Anne, what an ugly child that would be
September 6th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Joey Barton and Laila Ali, can you imagine how many boxing titles that child would win?
September 6th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Kevin Keegan and Sir Steve Redgrave (give it a few years it will be possible) but at least it might remove that quitters gene from keegan
September 6th, 2008 at 11:42 am
On the Ark theme you always needs two horses, how about Peter Crouch and Ruud Van Nistelrooy.. il get my coat…
September 6th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Alex Curran and one of Liverpools finest bouncers.
September 6th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Zinedine Zidane and Ayrton Senna.
They both went out with a good ol’ fashioned loaf!
September 6th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Usain Bolt and the william Sisters, u would need a lightening bolt to please them ther girls, and what offspring, gazelle legs to outrun dinner and bulging biceps to crush coconuts
September 7th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
How about Cristiano Ronaldo and Tom Daley. One is young, often needs the hairdryer and is an expert at diving. The other is Tom Daley.
Or
how about any member of the england woman’s rugby team and Luis Aragones, because we all know what you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur…….. Jurassic Pork.
September 7th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
I would put Sergio Garcia in with Olympic rower and qualified doctor, Helen Casey. If she can’t cure his choking, nobody can.
September 7th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Nick faldo and Ian Poulter, its pretty obvious there’s something more to their relationship, he can’t seriously have picked him on golfing talent!
September 8th, 2008 at 10:32 am
it has to be jack charlton and eamon dunphy ,jack would bring a barrel and eamon would be there to kick the shit out of after drinking it ,
September 8th, 2008 at 10:36 am
how about ronaldo and pamela anderson , nice to bring two big girls blouses with u ,he could borrow her make up and tan
September 8th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
put paddy power and ronald mcdonald on the arc, a match made in heaven
September 9th, 2008 at 10:25 am
What about ELLEN MacARTHER and TOM HANKS(castaway) and just leave them on it
we wouldn’t have to worry about a thing,we could just concentrate on global warming and the price of oil and all important stuff like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 9th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Worst winner ever.
September 9th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
freakodude is really paddypower’s missus, that way no money is living through her purse-strings, hence the name freakodude, ie, what is more freakodude that a woman
September 9th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
ok, THAN a woman
September 9th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
ahh rats, ok, leaving through purse-strings, see, feckin women posing as dudes throwing me off balance, and no, I never made that mistake but I know someone who did
September 10th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
what about putting joey barton on the boat with roy keane, the little rat barton would be shown a thing or two about how to be a hard man. what a clash of egos. i would pay money to watch the pair of them
October 4th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
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