Category: 
It’s Grand National day and soon enough we’ll know the answers to some serious questions. Questions like should we do a Hell Of A Horse Count and less importantly, who’ll actually win the race?
The answer is we will be doing a Hell Of A Horse Count, but because it’s on the BBC I’m introducing the Willie Carson Standing On A Box Count - which oddly enough will count the number of times Willie Carson is seen standing on a box to appear taller when standing beside anyone who isn’t (a) a dwarf or (b) a child or (c) already sitting down.
HELL OF A HORSE COUNT: 0
WILLIE CARSON STANDING ON A BOX COUNT: 0
JOHN PARROTT BEING OVERLY SCOUSE COUNT: 0
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5.03pm So that’s it for this year. The Hell Of A Horse Count was disappointingly low because there was no Ted Walsh, the Willie Carson Standing On A Box Count was equally non-existant mainly because of the rather significant omission of Willie Carson and John Parrott’s complete lack of Scouse means that I’m going to have to watch the entire first series of Bread to get my fix of Liverpudlian banter for the day.
4.40pm: A bit like the morning after the night before, you may be a little confused as to what happened. We’ll try and piece it together as best we can.
WTF Happened To My Horse?
1st Fence Fallers - Himalayan Trail & Golden Flight
2nd Fence Fallers - Ollie Magern & Brooklyn Brownie
3rd Fence Fallers - Reveillez & Chelsea Harbour
4th, 5th, 6th Fences - no fallers
7th Fence Faller - Stan
8th, 9th, 10th, 11th Fences - no fallers
12th Fence Faller - Musica Bella
13th, 14th Fences - no fallers
15th Fence Faller - Cloudy Lane
16th Fence (Water Jump) Faller - Zabenz
Eurotrek pulled up before 17th Fence
18th Fence Faller - Can’t Buy Time & Fleet Street
Rambling Minster pulled up before 19th
20th, 21st Fences - no fallers, Kilbeggan Blade & Fundementalist pulled up
22nd Fence Faller - Black Apalachi, Silver Birch & Parson’s Legacy
23rd Fences - no fallers
Knowhere pulled up before 25th
25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th Fences - no fallers
Hear The Echo & L’Ami pulled up before 30th fence
Best of the rest:
6th Big Fella Thanks
7th Butler’s Cabin
8th Southern Vic
9th Snowy Morning
10th Arteea
11th Irish Invader
12th Idle Talk
13th Darkness
14th Preists Leap
15th Offshore Account
16th Battlecry
17th Cornish Sett
4.30pm A real kick in the pants for punters as 100/1 shot Mon Mome trounces the field to claim the Grand National.
The result
1st Mon Mone 100/1
2nd Comply Or Die
3rd My Will
4th State Of Play
5th Cerium
4.05pm With 10 minutes to go, it’s a toss up between Butler’s Cabin and Rambling Minster as to who’ll start as favourite. My Will is on the drift.
Best of luck whatever horse you’ve gone for.
3.47pm I’ve backed Southern Vic for the Grand National because after studying the form, I think he stands out as a real value bet. Based entirely on picking my favourite colours, I’ll pick Fleet Street and based entirely on a name that has some random connection to me I’ll plump for L’Ami. We’ll see which approach works best for me but I suspect that actually looking at the form one will probably be the worst. We’ll know soon enough.
3.34pm AP McCoy wins on Grand National and he’ll be hoping he can repeat the trick in about 40 minutes time. Don’t Push It claims the John Smith Handicap Chase.
The result
1st Don’t Push It 9/1
2nd Leading Contender
3rd Oakfield Legend
4th According To John
3.15pm: I suspect that this just a rubbish fluff piece the BBC put together but Irish rugby legend Keith Wood says he’s backing Irish Invader, Will Carling says he’s backing My Will and Piers Morgan is backing Fleet Street. I suppose the idea is that they’re backing horses that have a vague connection to their themselves. It’s a shame there are no horses called Uncle Fester Lookalike, I Never Touched Diana and Gobby Former Newspaper Editor in this year’s National.
3pm: If confirmation was needed, that last round of betting was far more stupid than it was brave. Solwhit claims the Aintree Hurdle, Al Eile doesn’t even place and Hrady Eustace lasted about as long as a game of Katchphrase.
The result
1st Solwhit 6/1
2nd Fiveforthree
3rd United
And funnily enough, today’s game of Katchphrase has been won too.
2.49pm There’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity and I’ve got a feeling I’ve gone firmly beyond the brave part and backed Al Eile and Hardy in the forecast.
2.44pm John Parrott has really dialled down the scouse today so all of our counts remain firmly stuck on zero. Anyhoo, not too worry, square 4 is removed from Katchphrase.
2.31pm: With people possibly listening to the advice of world famous er … Westlife crooner … Shane Filan, the money has come for Black Apalachi who has been backed into 12/1 from 14/1.
2.26pm Doctor David didn’t want to know about it and was withdrawn at the start. Kalahari King made it a perfect return to the saddle by claiming the Maghull Novices’ Chase.
The result
1st Kalahari King 9/4
2nd Tatenen
2.12pm Square 3 removed on Katchphrase
1.52pm The honours go to Bouggler and Noel Fehily in the Mersey Novices’ Hurdle. If the big race gives us a finish like that, we’ll have had a good afternoon.
The result
1st Bouggler 16/1
2nd Copper Bleu
3rd Ainama
1.31pm: Punters have decided that the 9/1 for My Will is too big a price. He’s back in to 8/1 for the Grand National and is now joint favourite with Butler’s Cabin. After early support, Rambling Minister is going the other way and can be backed at 10/1.
1.25pm: Square number 2 has been removed in the most fiendish incarnation of Katchphrase to date.
1.20pm: Our Willie Carson Standing On a Box Count looks to be in tatters before it even got started. It looks like he hasn’t got the nod for the Grand National coverage on the BBC. I’m introducing the John Parrott Being Overly Scouse Count. Obviously he’s allowed to be Scouse - he can’t help it - but saying things like ‘now then, now then’ and ‘chuck’ WILL go down as being overly Scouse.
12.38pm: We’ve kicked off our Grand National Katchphrase game. There’s a £/€100
Free Bet up for grabs, so it well worth having a pop. Happy trying to figure it out!
12.22pm: Picking your horses for the Grand National can be tough. Normally, soap operas are simple to understand [can you see where we're going with this?] We’ve gone and done a preview of the Grand National that compares the horses to characters in soap operas!! Ever wondered who the Curly Watts of the Grand National is? Probably not, but find out with our not-at-all-patronising Grand National Preview.
12.08pm: This useful bit of information lark is going a bit too far for my liking, but the going at Aintree been changed to Good To Soft, Good In Places on account of all the tears Tony McCoy has shed at the track over the years. That’s only half true, but the going has been changed - that part was true.
11.58am: Not strictly Grand National related but …
We all know you need a good bit of luck to win the Grand National and in that case, Jenson Button should give it a crack because his farting good fortune at the moment. After his team benefited from all the rule changes to claim a 1-2 in Australia, the completely average driver has claimed pole for the Malaysian Grand Prix. Jammy git.
11.54am: We’ve already heard what James Nesbitt thought about the
Grand Nationaland if that whetted your appetite for the opinions of a bunch of minor celebrities, then you’re in luck. In reverse order of star status:
Andrea Roche: (Irish person who is sometimes in the paper because she looks half decent)
My Will
Glenda Gilson: (Brian O’Driscoll’s ex and face of boob enhancing pills) Hear The Echo
Lorraine Keane: (TV presenting not sister of Roy or Robbie) Southern Vic
Shane Filan: (the only Westlifer that can sing) Black Apalachi
Ronan Keating: (so well known he doesn’t need a slightly insulting intro) L’Ami
Louis Walsh (a one-man pop factory) Parson’s Legacy
We had loads more fun and shennanagins before 11.54am, so click here to have a read of it.
April 5th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
the wife and myself dont even know how to write a bookies docket out, but in saying that we always do the national like many others do sure its only once in a year so here,s what happened the wife looks up paddys website a week before the national as we have just got the broadband installed for the first time ever we are now on the web . so paddy has this wonderful colour chart with all the horses names split into four groups of colours each colour represents either favorites in one colour outsiders in another colour and two colours for the horses inbetween so what do you do when you dont know what you are doing well easy you simply pick one horse from each coloured section that you like the name of and walla i am going down to paddys suffolk road bookies west belfast in the morning ( a place i have never even thought of entering ) to collect the wifes returns her bet came up she had picked 1st 2nd 3rd and wait for it 4th placed horse 100/1 had £5.00 e/w both 14/1,s had £1.50 e/w that was for the kids and the 8/1 had £5.00 e/w total of £26.00 spent and a good few hundred returned so analys that theres only one paddy power colour chart .the housewife favorite. ps paddy can you not split lotto balls into six coloured sections it makes the chances of winning easier to see . hope you got a few cathphrases outta that wee piece. c you next year im gone fishing .