Today’s reasons to keep reading:
 - Alberto Contador lifts the veil on his not particularly veiled contempt for Lance
 - Liverpool won’t be taken back to the shop. Yet.
 - Rugby’s coming home, it’s coming home, coming home drunk and stinking of Deep Heat.
 

I’ll probably have the Consumer Affairs Authority on my back again because yesterday I told you you wouldn’t have to hear about cycling for 12 months, but Tour De France winner Alberto Contador has said he has a lot in common with Paul Kimmage. He doesn’t like Lance Armstrong. “I have never had great admiration for him and I never will,” he said, stopping short of explaining why, but we reckon it’s because he’s a Sheryl Crow fan. All I Wanna Do is have some fun with a needle.

The Extra Long Because There’s Not Much Else Happening Football Bit
It looks like George Gillett and Tom Hicks won’t need to hand back that football club they bought on hire purchase. Liverpool’s owners have done some sort of financial voodoo that I don’t really understand and got a couple of tools of human enslavement to back off for a while. Don’t be surprised, I was born behind the Cartoon Iron Curtain.
 
 
Abbey Clancy has stood in solidarity with Dave Nugent’s missus and is determined not to shop in Sunderland. Peter Crouch has signed for Tottenham which means Black Cat supporters sitting in row z at the Stadium of Light this season are in danger as Spurs are about to offload Darren Bent on them.
 
 
People always said that Barack Obama would do wonders for helping America’s minority communities and that looks to be the case. Obama says he’s interested in doing something for the twelve Americans who watch sawker and that something could be hosting the 2018 or 2022 World Cups.
 
 
Hi. My name is Richard Scudamore. I’m the chief executive of the English Premier League. You might remember me from such hair brained schemes as 39th game and not acting decisively on the Carlos Tevez affair and letting it rumble it on for a few years. Well I’ve been using my brainbox again and despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I think that one day the Chinese Premier League will be as good as the English version.
 
 
Wayne and Coleen don’t have enough money, so they’re planning to sacrifice their privacy for the sake of television. I reckon it’s going to be a mix between The Osbournes and Bread, which actually sounds quite promising.

Other Bits And Bobs
There will be much jubilation and of course fart-lighting later today as the IRB are expected to announce that England will host the 2015 International Fart-Lighting Championships with Japan taking the honour four years later. Incidents of minor anal singeing are set to sky-rocket. Scrum.com
 
 
Felipe Massa is doing a lot better after the accident, which is good news, but the bad news for Formula 1 drivers is that their chances of getting knocked off the track by an intense German are set to increase dramatically. As long as he can drag himself away from his Stig duties.
 
 
This is just like one of those dull debates we used to have at Cartoon Comprehensive. Allan Donald says cricket authorities should legalise ball tampering. Wasim Akram disagrees. I’m with Donald on this one. If I had my way, I’d stick a load of razor blades in the ball, replace the seam with a fuse that ignites when in the proximity of total arrogance and bowl bouncers at Kevin Pietersen’s head all day. That would get people watching.
 
 
Dwain Chambers will be heading to the World Championships with Great Britain. And as an athlete, not a drugs mule. Auntie Sport

This entry was posted on 11:51am Tuesday, July 28th, 2009 at 11:51 am and is filed under Cricket, Football, Have I Goth News For You!, Motor Racing, Rugby. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. By commenting on this site you agree to abide by our terms and conditions.

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