Category: 
BREAKING NEWS!!!
Ignore everything but the bit about France in my preview!!
The universe isn’t coming to an end and Roy Keane isn’t coming back for one last murder in an Ireland shirt. It’s France versus Ireland for a place in the World Cup! As I speak, Raymond Domenech is putting a red wig on his voodoo doll.
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Today we discover Ireland’s fate. Well, we already know our fate – Trapattoni already signed a contract extension so we’re doomed to at least another two years of central midfielders who need a compass, map and several seconds longer than is strictly advisable to find a team-mate. And I can also guarantee there’ll be a good few squandered leads in the future too.
After FIFA backtracked on the plans for the open draw because their friends in high places needed an excuse to leave their wives for a few weeks next summer, Ireland are faced with the four options. Now in the spirit of pointless prediction that filled the pages of so many of Sunday’s papers, 75% of which will be useless by about 1pm today, here’s my preview of our possible opponents.
The common consensus is facing a side managed by Guus Hiddink is never desirable, but my big fear in facing Russia would be that Giovanni Trappatoni sees Andrei Arshavin’s bowl cut and captivated by it’s regimental beauty, spends most of the two legs in an awestruck stupor which leaves the brains trust of Liam Brady and Marco Tardelli as the architects of our tactical destiny. Disaster will ensue.
France wouldn’t be so bad. Mad oul Raymond Domenech says he wouldn’t fancy taking on Ireland. Whether or not he means that in a ‘leading the country out of recession’ way or in a footballing sense is unclear, but we’ll stick to the football for now. He can’t be too worried about our football talents, so I presume his biggest worry would be devout Catholic Trapattoni trying to perform an exorcism on his heathen ways. A failure to reach the World Cup might seem like small potatoes in view of emergency surgery to remove a crystal ball and a pack of tarot cards from about the person.
Portugal would be tricky. Oh they might have the best player in the world, but we have kicking and we’re not afraid to use it. People are already saying it would be a real shame not to have the best player in the world at a World Cup, but we already see quite a bit of John O’Shea, so I don’t think it would undervalue the tournament that much. It truth, Ronaldo struggles against top class full backs, which is why he’ll do just fine against us. Our only hope is he’s injured for the playoffs and if he isn’t before the playoffs he will be about five seconds into the game when Roy Keane makes a shock return to the international team in the new position of central kamikaze.
I’d have real fears about facing Greece. I don’t think they’re particularly good, it’s just I think whoever is in charge of this universe would see this fixture, think ‘Oh why do I even bother?’ and in an instant all of creation would be transformed in an everlasting black hole. Actually, if you consider about the 180 odds minutes of arm-chewing boredom that an Ireland and Greece match would bring about, a never-ending black hole where the earth used to be doesn’t sound so terrible.
Other Football Stuff
- an inanimate object at the heart of Liverpool’s defence costs them at Sunderland. And it’s not Jamie Carragher for once, it’s a beach ball.
- Robbie Fowler won’t be giving up expanding his southern hemisphere property portfolio to return to Merseyside for the vacancy at Tranmere. “I won’t be going to Tranmere and I won’t be reducing the rent for my tenants! Mwah ha, ha, ha, ha ha” an official statement would probably say.
- “Bags not Rooney” would be the cry if Fabio Capello brought this into the England dressing room. Bosnia-Herzegovina manager, Miroslav Ciro Blazevic has ordered his players to kiss each other on the lips. “You can’t do anything without an atmosphere in a team,” he says and presumably if that atmosphere is sexual tension and repressed sexual orientation, that’s just fine.
- Some interesting news from Belgium that doesn’t involve Jean Claude VanDamme or waffles. Alex Ferguson is keeping his eye on Standard Liege midfielder Steven Defour. Here’s the odd bit, the 21 year old, who is currently injured, received a letter from the Man Utd chief to keep his head up because “everything will work out.” The Scot added gushingly, “You will have to work hard to come back and I am going to follow your performances. I will remain in contact with Standard.” It can’t be tapping up if you write a nice letter.
The All Hail Jenson Button Bit
- Poshboy proves that it’s not all about the car. It’s also about your team favouring you over your more capable team-mate. In fairness Poshboy, you have proven that you are clearly the best driver EVER! … to have driven a car with a rear diffuser when no-one else had them.
- This is actually from last week’s NFL games, but it’s still funny. What a tool.
- Cork hurling goalkeeper Donal Og Cusack has made his way out of the Rebels closet and informed people that he plays for the other team. And I’m not talking about Waterford. That’s fair enough, but his dad demonstrated some legendary Cork wit and stubbornness. His father said: “Right, you know the way we need to deal with this? You need to get fixed” before adding “it was hard enough defending you over the short puck outs but now this.”
- This one isn’t funny at all, but 3 people dropped dead whilst running the Detroit marathon this weekend. No crazed gunman involved, they just died from running too much. So this year’s Christmas message is stick that Gym membership up your arse, buy me a Playstation 3 instead.
- I’m not sure Alex Rodriguez said any of this, but it’s on someone else’s website, so it’s their potential lawsuit. That’s how the law works isn’t it?
- The only impressive thing about Carl Froch’s win over Andre Dirrell was his missus at ringside. Stranger still, the Nottingham fighter claimed he was celibate for the 10 weeks prior to the bout. The middleweight champion has strong willpower, I’ll give him that.
- Perving on Speaking of other people’s girlfriends, Rory McIlroy has delivered a line to his childhood sweetheart which effectively means the heave-ho for Holly Sweeney. As most men know, ‘taking a break’ is just nice way of saying “it’s time I took this fro interntional without having to consider your feelings.” The 20 year old clearly hasn’t heard about the different time zone rule.
October 19th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
bye bye Republic Ireland - it won’t be pretty but France will prevail…
October 19th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Well, how do ya do Giovanni Trapattoni, tis time to stop drawwwing, there’s games to be WON, now stop, yee supporters of the whinging brigade, that draw mentality should be put with Willie in the grave
For here in this green land they call Emerald isle, and again in the blue place they call le bleu there’s games to be won, ahh yes-a Gio, to win, is not to draw, to Win is not to use negative mind numbing tactics, To WIN is to give every ounce of energy all over field all game long.
Let us remember the fallen and go forth (go forward to opposition box) and for the love of common sense TAKE ARMBAND OF ROBBIE, and give it to Shay or Dunner or John O’S, BUT, take it off Robbie, he is ineffective as a Striker (that’s someone who should be oONLY focusing on SCORING GOALS) and he’s ineffective as Captain (that’s someone who should be giving out regular bollickings and NOT focusing on scoring goals)
instil in our soccer players, the true grit, of our Hurlers!!! Go Ireland Go Ireland, yeee haa
October 19th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
well said patrick i totally agree with you about mr keane he is not captain material or from his last performances not a striker either. france is goin to be 2 very tough games which we will need robbie for but for god sake robbie get your bloody shootin boots on. dunne should be captain for those 2 games he will command respect and commitment .so that leaves mr keane with the job of hitting that net.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Davey your a tosser,great draw plenty money for f a i , we can beat the frogs . they were not good in the group stages.They will not fancy croker on a poxy November night,Now lets get behind the lad.
October 20th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
shut up davey ya spa
October 20th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
happy days roi can play the north in a friendly during the finals. two terrible teams we wont have to waste time watching
October 20th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
lfc lad will u give your gloves to the liverpool keeper! he’s are no good with balloons. happy days?
October 20th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
alan if wit was shit you would be constapated
October 20th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
liverpool am done this season rafa is going to get the sack with gerrard and torres out they am not the same team its funny how two players can make a football team but it looks like it does with liverpool
October 20th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
pipe reina and rafa can play a friendly on the beach during the champions league final. i think reine is good with a beach ball happy days lfc lad dont cry lad?????????
October 20th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
i am not a liverpool fan i am just saying how it is
October 20th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
PP must be at the vodoo again, over-rated vastly over paid Barcelona bumboys beaten at home, brazzers
October 21st, 2009 at 10:41 am
i no mark was talking to my best mate???? lfc lad
October 21st, 2009 at 3:40 pm
will man utd win2night
October 21st, 2009 at 4:45 pm
i did the draw 1-1 and no goalscorer
October 21st, 2009 at 4:56 pm
liverpool have the worst team for many years. still dont think they are out of champions league just yet,but how can any team expect to win anything with 1 striker? think united will win 1 nil tonight
October 21st, 2009 at 5:09 pm
lfc lad yous woulden’t win anything with 4 striker . time for rafa to go
October 21st, 2009 at 5:14 pm
i know liverpool am not playing well at the min but you watch them beat man utd the weekend
October 21st, 2009 at 5:19 pm
dream on mate
October 21st, 2009 at 5:27 pm
ha ha u watch then
October 21st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
united wont win much with scholes neville giggs nanni fletcher owen oshea ,not much better than liverpools squad in my eyes
October 21st, 2009 at 6:01 pm
thats y liverpool season is over and uniteds season is still going they am a lot better players thats what the stats show
October 21st, 2009 at 6:59 pm
great to see that idiot long nose thompson crying on sky lastnite,he actually thinks liverfluke won
October 21st, 2009 at 7:50 pm
good call lfc lad man utd won 1nil
October 21st, 2009 at 8:01 pm
lfc gay lad if i see you slating the republic on here again, i’ll go up to your orange county and slap a bit of sense into ya. Good luck lads with the france game
October 21st, 2009 at 8:07 pm
learn to read muppet i slated both north and south. as for going up north to slap me would your mother allow you to leave her side. sleeping why you not commenting about my tip coming in,just shows you are just a slabber with religious biggottry thrown in. if your mum does come up with you let her know i will give her a good time.
October 21st, 2009 at 8:35 pm
if any1s got any tips on football and horses just blog them over
October 21st, 2009 at 9:21 pm
thanks sleeping bag i will put that on
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:41 am
calling you orange in not anything got to do with religious biggottry mabe a way of calling all of yee a shower of nackers!!!
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 am
I’m with you on exclusive sleeping bang, breed to come on for the step up in distance and everything went wrong at York, and he still won. Got to fear the Godolphin horse though, monster stride on him, and will like the softening ground
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:59 pm
hiding behind a computer screen? you actually said you would slap me earlier in blog. now thats a wee boys way of having his tough talks without actually any chance of confrontation. bet your the sort of person who drives his car tailgating woman giving abuse knowing they can do nothing about it. you are pathetic
October 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 pm
come on lads this is about winning money off the bookes bolg your tips over
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
sleeping bag dont go up there ,youll be battered with bottles and stones thats why no one wants them,they are uncultured both sides.
October 23rd, 2009 at 12:57 am
mark .do deauville flyer 405 doncaster .
October 23rd, 2009 at 1:34 am
mark keep a eye on the betting for calzaghe 200 fakenham. and tanfidh 440 looks good . best of luck
October 23rd, 2009 at 3:03 pm
thanks alan kelly 4your tips i will put them on lets hope they win all the best
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:47 pm
operation houdini is back to its best put a few quid on him he is running on monday in galway
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:02 pm
vaparetto 9/1 now great bet each way
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
ill try cape marien 910 to get me money back 4 today
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
another beaten tip from ballbag. avoid this boys tips its bad for the bank balance
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
does any1 think cape vale in the 2:20 at doncaster to moz at odds of 11/1 as got any chance as a ew bet
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
d nicholls allways does well at 5f as it got a ew chance who knows?
October 24th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
the tipsters on here are C R A P.wouldnt be surprised if they arepaddy power themselves
October 24th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
liverpool 2 man utd 4 . that would be a good game
October 24th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
monty Liverpool 4 Man U 1, what ya think
October 25th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
liverpool, man city -1 and bolton draw is my treble
October 25th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
no1 asked ya
October 25th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
knew that would get a reaction from you, you are my slave. give us your best tip and lets compare muppet
October 25th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
ill be a man and said good win for liverpool
October 25th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
i told u all that liverpool would beat man utd that was a banker
October 25th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
dont4get your tips on monday lads just blog them over on horses or dogs n football
October 25th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
mark youre a glutton for punishment
October 25th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
ha ha thats the gamble some u win n some u lose some1 out there as got a winner in them but who?
October 25th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
what i do in betting is back a lucky 15 31 or 63 pick from 5 6or7 may b 8 in a race and back the r/fav
October 25th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
told u lads b4 betting in play i add ac milan 1-0 down 30min to go at 13/2they won 2-1thats how2do it .get on the goals galore coupon i think thats a good bet2.i add 6up min odds of 33/1 every team got a goal u can pick two teams at min odds of 9/4 up2 15min odds of 6700/1 only in the betting shops not on line hope it will b on line soon
October 26th, 2009 at 10:00 am
get on both teams to score in reading v leicester, reading always conceed and should score as well. its nearly evs
October 26th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
mark i know the connections of liss na tintre in the first at galway,he will be very good in time but wait till he gets 2m 6f or more ,that leaves luska lad a goodthing.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
thanks jim bob for d opertion houdini tip had 20 on it good man
October 26th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Thanks for the brilliant tip montgomery stapes.
October 26th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
thanks montgomery stapes4the tip your da man
October 26th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
and thanks2jim bob for another brillant tip opertion houdini thanks 2 u i am up on the day keep them coming lads i belive
October 26th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
does any1 think reading will win 2night they got2win sometime and may be 2night might be there night what u all think
October 26th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
leicester to win 3-1 just fiver on them
October 26th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
leicester 2get 3goals away from home thats a hard1 hope it comes in 4u but i cant see it
October 26th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
what does any1think about lfc lad bet both teams2 score
October 26th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
i am going on the betting in play 4the reading game its2 hard2call that1
October 26th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
ok sleeping bag i wiil hope its a winner
October 26th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
ha ha and mine but i have backed it at 6/1
October 26th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
o well sleeping bag never mined theres always next time its a good job i am up on the day lfc lads bet looks good now
October 26th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
lads am i the only one in the world that Dettori and Mc coy never wins for,Dettori left me down for a treble today on a 4/6 and mccoy left me down on a 4/9 last sat.easy known the shaggers never saw a poor day in their lives.
October 26th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
unlucky lfc lad with your football bet
October 26th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
2right there montgomery stapes they always let me down2 but theres always1thats lets u down when u put bets on like that .odds on half the time they dont win thats y u am best to back the 2nd fav
October 26th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
lads i know the owner of liz Doyles horse in the bumper at punchestown 2moro ,he refused 63000 guineas in the sales.i dont know if he.ll win but keep an eye on the betting.
October 26th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
425 al ferof
October 27th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
lovely thought os me money in the 2-30atcattrick looks like i will have2 back him again hope it wins this time
October 27th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
get in i hope some of u lads backed him
October 27th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
give us some football tips for to night lads blog them over
October 27th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
well lads i hope ye made a few bob on the horse 12/5 for the place not to bad.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
well done montgomery your tips am not doing2bad
October 27th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
i used to have a great contact to a yard in waterford,great information but the bookies complained to the trainer that to much info was been leaked so all the staff were gagged. poor old bookies i thought the idea was to get as much an advantage as you can,after all the bookies pay jockeys for information and they also pay trainers to withdraw horses,how may times would you see18 runners then 3 non runners 1 place less.that saves the bookies thousands.they will tell you it dosent happen but if my aunt had balls she,d be my uncle.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
were theres money theres a con with jockeys bookies and trainers thats y they am rich and we am not we am all mugs cause at the end of the day we all dont win cause if we do the next day we give it the bookies back
October 27th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
mark do you think we could set up a gamblers annon on line andwe could make a fortune.we could charge 10% of what they would have lost and realistically they would be winners and we would too.THEME SONG to t.v add ( everyones a winner baby ).
October 27th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
ha ha we would make loads of money doing that y do us gamblers do it for i think its the buzz when we win we am happy but when we lose we start crying theres no help for us even gamblers annon cant help us its 2latee!!!!!!