It’s Grand National day and soon enough we’ll know the answers to some serious questions. Questions like should we do a Hell Of A Horse Count and less importantly, who’ll actually win the race?

The answer is we will be doing a Hell Of A Horse Count, but because it’s on the BBC I’m introducing the Willie Carson Standing On A Box Count - which oddly enough will count the number of times Willie Carson is seen standing on a box to appear taller when standing beside anyone who isn’t (a) a dwarf or (b) a child or (c) already sitting down.

HELL OF A HORSE COUNT: 0
WILLIE CARSON STANDING ON A BOX COUNT: 0
JOHN PARROTT BEING OVERLY SCOUSE COUNT: 0

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5.03pm So that’s it for this year. The Hell Of A Horse Count was disappointingly low because there was no Ted Walsh, the Willie Carson Standing On A Box Count was equally non-existant mainly because of the rather significant omission of Willie Carson and John Parrott’s complete lack of Scouse means that I’m going to have to watch the entire first series of Bread to get my fix of Liverpudlian banter for the day.

4.40pm: A bit like the morning after the night before, you may be a little confused as to what happened. We’ll try and piece it together as best we can.

WTF Happened To My Horse?
1st Fence Fallers - Himalayan Trail & Golden Flight
2nd Fence Fallers - Ollie Magern & Brooklyn Brownie
3rd Fence Fallers - Reveillez & Chelsea Harbour
4th, 5th, 6th Fences - no fallers
7th Fence Faller - Stan
8th, 9th, 10th, 11th Fences - no fallers
12th Fence Faller - Musica Bella
13th, 14th Fences - no fallers
15th Fence Faller - Cloudy Lane
16th Fence (Water Jump) Faller - Zabenz
Eurotrek pulled up before 17th Fence
18th Fence Faller - Can’t Buy Time & Fleet Street
Rambling Minster pulled up before 19th
20th, 21st Fences - no fallers, Kilbeggan Blade & Fundementalist pulled up
22nd Fence Faller - Black Apalachi, Silver Birch & Parson’s Legacy
23rd Fences - no fallers
Knowhere pulled up before 25th
25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th Fences - no fallers
Hear The Echo & L’Ami pulled up before 30th fence

Best of the rest:
6th Big Fella Thanks
7th Butler’s Cabin
8th Southern Vic
9th Snowy Morning
10th Arteea
11th Irish Invader
12th Idle Talk
13th Darkness
14th Preists Leap
15th Offshore Account
16th Battlecry
17th Cornish Sett

4.30pm A real kick in the pants for punters as 100/1 shot Mon Mome trounces the field to claim the Grand National.

The result
1st Mon Mone 100/1
2nd Comply Or Die
3rd My Will
4th State Of Play
5th Cerium

4.05pm With 10 minutes to go, it’s a toss up between Butler’s Cabin and Rambling Minster as to who’ll start as favourite. My Will is on the drift.

Grand National Betting

Best of luck whatever horse you’ve gone for.

3.47pm I’ve backed Southern Vic for the Grand National because after studying the form, I think he stands out as a real value bet. Based entirely on picking my favourite colours, I’ll pick Fleet Street and based entirely on a name that has some random connection to me I’ll plump for L’Ami. We’ll see which approach works best for me but I suspect that actually looking at the form one will probably be the worst. We’ll know soon enough.

3.34pm AP McCoy wins on Grand National and he’ll be hoping he can repeat the trick in about 40 minutes time. Don’t Push It claims the John Smith Handicap Chase.

The result
1st Don’t Push It 9/1
2nd Leading Contender
3rd Oakfield Legend
4th According To John

3.15pm: I suspect that this just a rubbish fluff piece the BBC put together but Irish rugby legend Keith Wood says he’s backing Irish Invader, Will Carling says he’s backing My Will and Piers Morgan is backing Fleet Street. I suppose the idea is that they’re backing horses that have a vague connection to their themselves. It’s a shame there are no horses called Uncle Fester Lookalike, I Never Touched Diana and Gobby Former Newspaper Editor in this year’s National.

3pm: If confirmation was needed, that last round of betting was far more stupid than it was brave. Solwhit claims the Aintree Hurdle, Al Eile doesn’t even place and Hrady Eustace lasted about as long as a game of Katchphrase.

The result
1st Solwhit 6/1
2nd Fiveforthree
3rd United

And funnily enough, today’s game of Katchphrase has been won too.

2.49pm There’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity and I’ve got a feeling I’ve gone firmly beyond the brave part and backed Al Eile and Hardy in the forecast.

2.44pm John Parrott has really dialled down the scouse today so all of our counts remain firmly stuck on zero. Anyhoo, not too worry, square 4 is removed from Katchphrase.

2.31pm: With people possibly listening to the advice of world famous er … Westlife crooner … Shane Filan, the money has come for Black Apalachi who has been backed into 12/1 from 14/1.

2.26pm Doctor David didn’t want to know about it and was withdrawn at the start. Kalahari King made it a perfect return to the saddle by claiming the Maghull Novices’ Chase.

The result
1st Kalahari King 9/4
2nd Tatenen

2.12pm Square 3 removed on Katchphrase

1.52pm The honours go to Bouggler and Noel Fehily in the Mersey Novices’ Hurdle. If the big race gives us a finish like that, we’ll have had a good afternoon.

The result
1st Bouggler 16/1
2nd Copper Bleu
3rd Ainama

1.31pm: Punters have decided that the 9/1 for My Will is too big a price. He’s back in to 8/1 for the Grand National and is now joint favourite with Butler’s Cabin. After early support, Rambling Minister is going the other way and can be backed at 10/1.

1.25pm: Square number 2 has been removed in the most fiendish incarnation of Katchphrase to date.

1.20pm: Our Willie Carson Standing On a Box Count looks to be in tatters before it even got started. It looks like he hasn’t got the nod for the Grand National coverage on the BBC. I’m introducing the John Parrott Being Overly Scouse Count. Obviously he’s allowed to be Scouse - he can’t help it - but saying things like ‘now then, now then’ and ‘chuck’ WILL go down as being overly Scouse.

12.38pm: We’ve kicked off our Grand National Katchphrase game. There’s a £/€100
Free Bet up for grabs, so it well worth having a pop. Happy trying to figure it out!

12.22pm: Picking your horses for the Grand National can be tough. Normally, soap operas are simple to understand [can you see where we're going with this?] We’ve gone and done a preview of the Grand National that compares the horses to characters in soap operas!! Ever wondered who the Curly Watts of the Grand National is? Probably not, but find out with our not-at-all-patronising Grand National Preview.

12.08pm: This useful bit of information lark is going a bit too far for my liking, but the going at Aintree been changed to Good To Soft, Good In Places on account of all the tears Tony McCoy has shed at the track over the years. That’s only half true, but the going has been changed - that part was true.

11.58am: Not strictly Grand National related but …
We all know you need a good bit of luck to win the Grand National and in that case, Jenson Button should give it a crack because his farting good fortune at the moment. After his team benefited from all the rule changes to claim a 1-2 in Australia, the completely average driver has claimed pole for the Malaysian Grand Prix. Jammy git.

11.54am: We’ve already heard what James Nesbitt thought about the
Grand Nationaland if that whetted your appetite for the opinions of a bunch of minor celebrities, then you’re in luck. In reverse order of star status:

Andrea Roche: (Irish person who is sometimes in the paper because she looks half decent)
My Will
Glenda Gilson: (Brian O’Driscoll’s ex and face of boob enhancing pills) Hear The Echo
Lorraine Keane: (TV presenting not sister of Roy or Robbie) Southern Vic
Shane Filan: (the only Westlifer that can sing) Black Apalachi
Ronan Keating: (so well known he doesn’t need a slightly insulting intro) L’Ami
Louis Walsh (a one-man pop factory) Parson’s Legacy

We had loads more fun and shennanagins before 11.54am, so click here to have a read of it.

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11.34am:
Aintree Hurdle Preview
Today isn’t all about the Grand National. Oh, who am I kidding, it is, but the Aintree Hurdle should be a cracker. Whether or not it’s because of the 2 for 1 on all vodka’s in Revolution on Thursdays or getting to bury his horse face in the bosom of a sexy lap dancers in X In The City for just £10, but for whatever reason Al Eile seems to love Liverpool. He put up a couple of good showings in the Champion Hurdle, but he really comes alive at Aintree. He lacks the quality of some of the other runners in this really good race, but it’s hard to oppose him because he has won this race three times and won a novices’ race at the course before that. He just loves the place. Hardy Eustace is another horse suited by the course and these days he doesn’t have the speed of the younger horses, but two and a half miles has always been his ideal trip and he’s great each way value at 50/1. If I’m feeling reckless at around 2.49, I’ll have a small bet on Al Eile to win with Hardy to finish second.

11.01am: Jamie Oliver and his wife Jools are celebrating the birth of their third child. Petal Blossom Rainbow joins the already worringly-named Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo. When Daisy Boo is the most normal of your kids’ names, you know they’re odds-on for a rough time at school and in life. In a vaguely related bit of promoting something else, some people who don’t know a great deal about horses and like to pick them because of the name. If that sounds a bit like you, then have a look at our Grand National For Dummies Guide. Don’t worry, there’s no shame in it.

10.51am: Just because it’s on the same page of the newspaper as the James Nesbitt story, it looks like there’s going to be a Ghostbusters 3. I’m dubious - 2 wasn’t exactly amazing.

10.47am: Actor James Nesbitt thinks Tony McCoy will win the Grand National on board Butler’s Cabin.But be careful, this is the same James Nesbitt who saw the script for Woody Allen tripe, Match Point and possibly thought “hmm, this is exactly the kind of romp that will catapult me to Hollywood superstardom.”

Here he is getting a hard time for selling out on those [insert name of a book with pages that are yellow] ads.

10.40am: I told you that this blog would be rambling interspersed with occassional nuggets of useful information and here’s an example. Butler’s Cabin is currently favourite for the Grand National. Possibly because punters reckons Ruby’s lovely new boobs will distract him from the job at hand, My Will has drifted out to 8/1 from 7/1 Fav. There has been money for Rambling Minister and he’s in to 8/1 from 9/1.

Grand National Betting

10.30am: We will be doing another round of the massively popular brain-teaser quiz, Katchphrase later today and because people got it far too easily last time, it’s super-dooper-mega-tough this time around. If you need to do a bit of preparation and to get in the right mindset, check out the previous editions.

10.27am: For reasons you can probably understand, I somewhat missed the point of that earlier article in the Sun. Shrek and Fiona Wayne and Coleen are having a baby!!

10.15am: Somewhat p!ssing on our parade, Ken Chittock has made the following observation about the previously plugged RDGNQ. Ken writes:

re the microsite quiz
last time I looked (with the aid of a mirror because of middle-age spread) I had 2 legs of my own, still firmly attached therefore if I had another 4 legs off of Kauto Stumpy and 4 legs from Master AbsentMinded then I hope I would have 10 and not 8.
has Paddy had a “Davros” moment and fallen on his sword? [ouch]

Is that so Ken buddy?? 10 legs eh? What if Heather Mills decides to take some time out from spending Paul’s millions do the quiz? What happens then wiseguy? Ho, ho.

Yes, indeed Ken, mathematically you would be correct with 10, but this quiz isn’t so much about logic as what we think the right answer should be, hence capturing the good fortune you need to win the Grand National. Plus, if picking holes in shoddily constructed Grand National games is your thing, then why not check out the Grand National Edition See It, Say It.

10am If you have ever wondered what it would be like to ride in the Grand National, but would prefer not to endure the danger that comes along with that and would rather the feeling be expressed in quiz format, then give our Really Difficult Grand National Quiz a go.

9.57am:Waahey, tits, horse racing etc. It’s fine when I do it.
Ruby brings sexy back as he prepares My Will for the National

Get the full story here: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2360492.ece

9.49am Footy, tits, waaahey, tits, some more footy and a bit more waaahey!!
The Grand National gets the Soccer AM needlessly laddish treatment as Tony McCoy does his annual pre-defeat phone call to Helen and the other lad who didn’t fill the shoes of the previous lad who didn’t fill the shoes of Tim Lovejoy. The one who’s not Helen asks McCoy if given the choice, would he trade winning the Grand National for not winning another race in his career. McCoy says no, but he shouldn’t be too worried - the guy who’s not Helen barely has the power to hold together the Soccerette feature, let alone the power to administer something so destiny-altering.

Tony rides 2nd favourite, Butler’s Cabin in the Grand National.

9.28am: As always, this blog attempts to combine tidbits of useful information with barely coherent ramblings, and to fulfil the demands of the former, the going at Aintree at the moment is good, good to soft in places.

9.04am: I didn’t get out of bed in time to catch the Morning Line, but here’s an educated guess at what happened:

Blah, blah, something slightly sexist from McCririck, blah, blah, hell of a horse, blah, blah, McCririck finds a remotely attractive women to drool over, blah, blah, hell of a horse, tip that doesn’t win, hell of a horse, another tip that doesn’t win, hell of a horse, arty montage featuring music relatively modern band [I'm thinking the Killers, When You Were Young], another hell of horse, a list of tips that won’t win and a stayed tuned for T4 because you haven’t seen every episode of Friends four thousand times yet.

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The geeks in the IT department have come up with a quick and simple solution to help place a bet without any fuss.

If you’re not familiar with terms like Stake, Betslip & Each-Way, it’s probably for you. If you are familiar with these terms, you might still like the pretty colours.

View Grand National for Dummies.

Web Team

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Ok, I use the word tips lightly. This year we’ve decided to lose the racing lingo and compare the horses to our favourite soap stars. This way you’ll really know who’s got a chance in the race.

Did you know if “Snowy Morning” was a Soap Star he’d be Kelly Windsor (The good looking young one from Emmerdale) (more…)

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The final declared Grand National runners and riders were confirmed on Thursday for Saturday’s John Smiths Grand National at Aintree.

Below is a full list of Grand National Runners to help you pick your selection (or to find that hot tip that the taxi driver / drunken guy at the Bar gave you last night).
(more…)

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Saturday’s Grand National, which starts at 4:15, simply wouldn’t be the same without a sweepstake. Why not use our Grand National Sweepstake Kit and cheer on your 100/1 nag to victory?

This year, we’ve got two versions for you. The online version assigns horses for you randomly and emails everyone their selections. Very handy indeed…

The tradition version allows you cheat to your heart’s content.

I fancy the t-interent version as ever since the days of Make And Do, I’ve never been the best with the auld scissors and getting the thing emailed to you saves a lot of possible finger loss and fixing.

Click here for the Online Sweepstake
The Print version is now avilable in PDF. Download Sweepstake Kit

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