Like this guy who was part of the extended Dortmund entourage tonight. When some people would be magnanimous in defeat, he doesn’t take kindly to a firm ‘conciliatory’ pat on the arm from one of the Bayern player, forcing Mats Hummels into some ‘sorry about him’ duty to the Bayern player.

Was it calm and dignified? No. Would we do the same? Absolutely.

It’s an all-German affair in Wembley at the FA’s 150th birthday celebrations which is slightly uncomfortable for all concerned, but the alternative would have been having the Special One smugging things up and trying to steal all the limelight for himself. Yes, it’s every hipsters favourite Borussia Dortmund versus everyone’s favourite over-confident Bavarians, Bayern Munich.

If you’re out and about, unable to get to a TV or in the early stages of a promising relationship and have to watch a Hugh Grant rom-com rather than the football, I’ll be hear to keep you up to date with all the latest goings-on and Andy Townsend bashing.

Feel free to give me a shout with your own observations, queries or Andy Townsend bashing via the comments section below or on the planet Twitter where I’m @MinistryOfGlove.

LATEST SCORE
Borussia Dortmund 1 – 2 Bayern Munich

=======================================================

10.02pm: Wow. Gareth Southgate just said:

It’s was slightly ‘night of the long knives’ they way they got him [Heynckes] out

Interesting reference when describing a German team. We’ll see how that one plays out.

9.50pm: Borussia Dortmund trudge by the cup and to make matters worse, they have to pretend they’re glad to see Angela Merkel.

9.41pm: Great final, great fans – now all that’s left is for Adrian Chiles to ruin it with some inane post-match observations.

9.35pm: FULL TIME! It’s BAYERN who make amends for last year’s hurt as the referee brings it to an end. It’s deserved on the balance of play. Dortmund gave a good account of themselves, but didn’t create as much as the German champions.

9.34pm: SUB! Bayern waste a bit more time by bringing Gomez on for Mandzukic.

9.32pm: SUBS! Dortmund make changes as Schieber comes on for Blaszczykowski and Sahin replaces Bender. Bayern take Ribery off and give Gustavo a run out.

There’s three added minutes and they’re nearly all gone.

9.30pm: GOAL! BAYERN! It’s Arjen Robben. He’s missed a few chances tonight, but he may have got the one that matters. He picks up a knockdown from Ribery and slides it past Weidenfaller. Possibly the most important miskick of his career.

9.28pm: CHANCE! Weidenfaller saves again – this time Schweinsteiger blasts a shot from the edge of the box. It was pretty much straight at him, but he made it look more difficult than that.

9.25pm: Robben dribbles, still manages to foul an opponent. Five minutes to go and it’s 4/11 that we’re going to extra time.

9.21pm: Those Germans and their penalties – it could happen:

Fancy #Dortmund to win 32-31 on penalties. #UCL—
Bernard O'Toole (@BernardOToole) May 25, 2013

9.20pm: OUCH! It’s all square on the ‘lucky to be on the pitch front’ now. Robert Lewandowski stands on Boateng’s ankle, but the referee doesn’t see it. The cameras do and it looked pretty blatant.

9.19pm: Another chance for Bayern. Muller is through on goal, he sort of gets fouled, but still passes to Mandzukic who shots, but can only find the side-netting from a tight angle. In truth, Muller should have gone a bit ‘Arjen Robben’ on that and taken the shot himself.

9.17pm: Lewandowski has a ‘goal’ disallowed for handball and up the other end, Alaba fires in a first time shot from about 25 yards out that Weidenfaller gets to at the expense of a corner.

9.15pm: YELLOW CARDS! Ribery and Grosskruetz go into the book for a crappy coming together.

9.13pm: AMAZING STUFF! Muller skins the Dortmund defence and he tries to square the ball to Robben. Just as it looks like he’s going to tap it in from about six inches out, Subotic swings a leg at it and somehow clears it. Brilliant stuff from the Serbian defender.

9.12pm: It’s going to be a nerve-wracking final 20 minutes or so. About time for ITV to go to an ad.

9.09pm: GOAL! Gundogan sticks it to Neuer’s left with confidence and it’s all square. Bit of a kick in the nuts for anyone who backed Lewandowksi to score at anytime as he declined the chance to take it after Neuer saved one of his about three weeks ago. There’s still time though.

9.08pm: PENALTY! DORTMUND! Dante with a clumsy foul on Reus.

9.07pm: More half-arsed penalty appeals from Dortmund. Again it’s Pisczcek and it might have been a foul, but the fact it happened outside the box undermines their chances of getting a penalty.

9.06pm: 25 minutes to go and the balance is well and truly in Bayern’s favour now. The match odds are: Dortmund 18/1 | Draw 4/1 | Bayern 1/5

9.03pm: Andy Townsend whips out the thesaurus to tell us Borussia Dortmund don’t need to panic just yet:

Dortmund need to take their time. Bide their time

9pm: WHAT A CHANCE! The ball gets flicked on to Mandzukic and … as I type Bayern have scored!

GOAL! Madzukic! Ribery and Robben combine nicely and in a welcome turn of events, the Dutchman passes to a team-mate. The aforementioned Croatian makes amends for missing that half chance and sweeps the ball into an empty net to give Bayern the lead.

8.54pm: Michel Platini and Angela Merkel are pictured in the stands arguing over who has had the shittest idea in the course of their respective tenures. It’s a score draw.

8.51pm: Well played:

What's the difference between time and Arjen Robben? Time passes…—
Genius Football (@GeniusFootball) May 25, 2013

8.47pm: I missed this from the font of all wisdom that is Andy Townsend first time around:

: Andy Townsend, 2 mins: "For Bayern, anything less than winning is failure." @dangerhere—
JP Smith (@thebootleggar) May 25, 2013

8.46pm: The teams are back out on the pitch. Dortmund get the second half underway and Marco Reus looks particularly focused:

8.39pm: ITV are discussing the Frank Ribery elbow incident and he certainly looks lucky to have stayed on the pitch. Easily his worst decision since he decided not to as that French prostitute for her ID.

8.37pm: Dortmund did pretty well in that first half, but it’s Bayern who are the big favourites to win it from here. The match odds are: Dortmund 10/3 | Draw 7/4 | Bayern EVENS

8.36pm: Ha ha!

Bender trying to get the Dortmund crowd going as he comes off for half-time… http://t.co/obLkp9uYeP—
Paddy Power (@paddypower) May 25, 2013

8.31pm: HALF TIME! It’s time for the half time bollockings – although I’d imagine in the case of Klopp, it’s not a bollocking, he just lights some incense, gets his players to sit in the lotus position, hold hands and discuss their feelings after the first 45 minutes.

It’s been one of the better scoreless draws at half time that you’re ever likely to see with both teams enjoying good spells. If that keep it up for the second half we should all be happy – maybe even Roy Keane.

8.28pm: ANOTHER CHANCE! Arjen Robben is presented with another glorious chance and this time ‘smacking the ball into the goalkeeper’s face’ is his chosen method of wasting it.

8.26pm: After a string of great saves, Manuel Neuer looks happy with himself:

8.22pm: Arjen Robben turns a great chance into a half chance and Dortmund clear it for a corner.

From the corner Thomas Muller heads a tame Peter Crouch style header wide when he should have done better.

8.21pm: GREAT SAVE! Lewandowski does brilliantly to turn the Bayern defender, but from about seven yards out, Neuer closes him down quickly and gets the shot away. The goalkeepers have been excellent so far.

8.15pm: GREAT CHANCE! Arjen Robben is played in on goal and when given the option of passing to a team-mate who has an open goal or trying to beat Weidenfaller, he takes on the shot and is thwarted. Did anyone ever really think he was going to pass?

8.14pm: YELLOW CARD! Dante goes into the book for a poor attempt at the Fellaini fro. Or else a cynical body check on Reus.

8.12pm: CHANCE! Bayern finally make a mark on the game as a Mandzukic header forces Weidenfaller into a reaction save. Corner Bayern.

The Bavarians follow it up with another header that goes just narrowly over.

8.10pm: The referee briefly gets in the way of a Dortmund attack and instantly overtakes Bayern in the possession stats.

8.09pm: If you happen to the rom-com victim I mentioned in my intro above and things end up going well tonight, Kelly Cates (nee Dalglish) has a 140 characters of warning:

If you're thinking of having unprotected sex tonight, 2yo just got out of bed, removed nappy, pooed on 4yo's floor, trod in it. #poo—
Kelly Cates (@KellyCates) May 25, 2013

8.07pm: CHANCE! Neuer has been busier than that ‘German towel joke’. This time a Lars Bender shot from about ten yards out causes him some minor irritation which he deals with.

8.05pm: CHANCE! Nice play from Dortmund and Marco Reus forces Neuer into another slightly over-dramatic save.

8.03pm: Dortmund have made the better start to the game, but they’ve nothing to show for it except for Jurgen Klopp winning a few extra cool points.

7.59pm: Lewandowski has a decent shot from about 25 yards out that Neuer makes look more difficult than it was, but ultimately keeps it out.

GREAT CHANCE! That’s followed up by a first time shot from Blaszczykowski who’s low attempt from about eight yards out is blocked by Neuer.

7.58pm: More shots of Gotze wearing his cap funky style back to front and our very own Amy Eustace points out:

Götze looks like he's fresh out of juvy.—
Amy (@amyeustace) May 25, 2013

7.56pm: Ten minutes gone. Blaszczykowski blasts a shot over the bar and the Dortmund fans are great because they react to it with the enthusiasm you’d normally only use for a decent shot.

7.54pm: Tyldesley delivers a load of inane stats with the smugness of someone who is completely unaware that we all have the internet these days.

7.51pm: Clive Tyldesley calls Dortmund ‘a sort of German Crazy Gang’ and seems to think it’s a compliment of some description.

7.50pm: ‘Deeds of doubt?’ Did anyone else hear that?

7.48pm: Free kick against Bender for a tackle from behind. I would make a joke about that, but I’m not Jim Davidson.

7.45pm: Bayern kick off. There’s still time for some excessive praise of Jurgen Klopp.

7.43pm: The teams are out on the pitch for the formalities, but I have to say Arjen Robben looked rather apprehensive in the tunnel before they came out:

7.40pm: Five minutes to go. If you don’t have a bet now, this blog will be deemed a failure and I’ll be forced to work somewhere really embarrassing. Like the Paddy Power Marketing Department.

7.34pm: The heart-breaking side of football. The exact moment Mario Gomez realised he wasn’t in the Bayern starting line-up:

7.25pm: Right, I’m enjoying this a lot, but I’m contractually obliged to talk about betting at some point. We’ve got a fantastic-mega-super-dooper Money-Back Special on the match. Here’s a lovely image to explain it that’s nicer on the eyes that more text:

7.20pm: Oh this is just too good. Adrian Chiles now calls Jurgen Klopp ‘frighteningly likeable’.
Why is it frightening, Chilesy? Are you worried he’s just so likeable it might stir up some deeply buried emotions and you may not be able to control yourself if you bump into him in the mixed zone after the match?

Having a presenter dry-hump one of the manager’s leg would be a low for ITV. And that’s from a station that broadcast Crossroads. Twice.

7.19pm: Ha ha! Famous penalty misser, Gareth Southgate is in no mood to let a fellow pro off the hook for a high profile miss:

Schweinsteiger – don’t forget he missed that penalty in last year’s final

#classy

7.16pm: NEW RULE: German teams to guaranteed a place in the Champions League Final every year as long as they produce a song as good as this:

7.09pm: You would want to hope Gotze makes several swaps between Dortmund and Bayern over the next few years to get value for money out of having this shirt made up:

I thought she ruined one perfectly good jersey, but to paraphrase the words of Homer Simpson, ‘correction, two perfectly good jerseys’.

7.04pm: Chiles continues to set a low bar for the evening, pointing out:

Wembley – yellow one end, red the other – it looks like a real … football match

7.02pm: Two minutes into the ITV programme and Adrian Chiles says the word ‘rumbustious’. Roy Keane looks at him with a facial expression that says ‘do you know the inconvenience that is getting a radio mic pack removed from your rectum?’.

7pm: Here’s a picture of Mario Gotze dressed as a member of a mild-mannered mid-90s rap band. There’s no real reason for it.

6.56pm: Tom Williams delivers a Polish flavoured statbomb:

Lewandowski, Piszczek and Blaszczykowski the first Polish players to start a Champions League final since Jerzy Dudek for Liverpool in 2005.—
Tom Williams (@tomwfootball) May 25, 2013

That’s significant because it’s eight years to the day that Dudek somehow managed to do this:

6.51pm: Andy Gray took a look at the Champions League final and gave us his preview of likely events. He then gave us a comprehensive history of feminism and explained in great detail why the American school of individualist feminism was undermining the valid points of the wider movement. One of those claims was true and you can find out which one here.

6.42pm: I’m hearing there’s commotion in the Bayern dressing room as Manuel Neuer has taken a turn for the worse. He certainly looks like there’s something bothering him:

6.34pm: TEAM NEWS

We’re over an hour away from kick-off, but in a delightful nod to stereotypical German efficiency, the teams are already in.

For Bayern, Badstuber and Kroos were always missing out due to injury and Mario Gomez is confined to looking like George McFly duty from the comfort of the bench as Mandzukic leads the attack.

Bayern Munich
Neuer, Lahm, Boateng, Dante, Alaba; Martinez, Schweinsteiger, Robben, Mueller, Ribery, Mandzukic

Gotze was always going to miss out due to being owned by Bayern a not at all convenient hamstring injury. Their team still looks strong, but it’s also significantly harder to spell than Bayern’s. Here it is:

Borussia Dortmund
Weidenfeller, Pisczcek, Subotic, Hummels, Schmelzer, Bender, Gundogan, Blaszczykowski, Reus, Grosskreutz, Lewandowski

In the pub the other night, I had a brain wave as to what bets I wanted to do over the weekend. I whipped out my iPhone (which isn’t the worse thing I’ve whipped out in a public place under the influence of alcohol in fairness) and spoke to the app, in the hope it would record my gambling genius. This was the result:

Yeah – it’s mental. And judging by the bizarre ’Aryan’ reference in the last one, not only is the app faulty, it’s also slightly racist too. In order to counteract some of the strangeness here (in the same order as the bets) are the sports which the bets apply to.

Bet 1: Football
Bet 2: Motorsport
Bet 3: Horse racing
Bet 4: Rugby Union
Bet 5: Football

Your job is to decipher what the hell I was talking about. If you need a guide, you could do worse than checking out last week’s competition. That last one is tough. I was the one talking to the app and I can’t even make sense of the gibberish it spouted back to me. Best of luck with that one. I reckon all the others are manageable if you devote some brain power to them.

The prize starts out as a Free €/£50 Bet, but every time this competition gets shared on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ or LinkedIn (you can use the buttons below for that) we’ll add an extra euro/pound to the total. That should boost the fund rather substantially and you might win that prize, so you should definitely do it.

The winner will be whoever gets the most correct answers right (it pretty much needs to be the whole answer, not just bits of it to be right). In the event we get more than one person tied on the same number of correct answers, the winner shall be drawn from Aidan’s hat of mystery.

Get your answers in before 10am on Monday, May 27, and I’ll announce the winner soon after.

Send your answer to competitions@paddypower.com with the subject line ‘Stop whipping things out in public under the influence of alcohol’. The inclusion or exclusion of a subject line will make absolutely no difference to your entry.

You can use the comments section for begging for clues or general observations on life, but NO ANSWERS please. If you want to contact me, you can do so using the Twitter machine where he’s @MinistryOfGlove.

Conditions
- Customers must be over the age of 18, have a valid paddypower.com account and not be offended by racist Speech to Text apps
– Maximum size of the free bet will be €/£150
- Paddy Power decision is final and moaning will be gleefully ridiculed in public

ARJEN ROBBEN – He won’t pass you the ball, but he will give you a hug

So it’s the Germans who are descending on Wembley. The numerous ‘Germans putting down their beach towels early’ gag has probably alerted you to that fact. It’s ok, Borussia Dortmund – we like you so we’ll let you get away with it:

Nettes Plätzchen für ein Picknick! // Nice spot for a picnic, isn't it? (Available at bit.ly/10hR8nf) http://t.co/WxSLewi0wr—
Borussia Dortmund (@BVB) May 23, 2013

For the fourth time in European Cup history teams from the same league will battle it out for the right to take Old Big Ears home. There’s been plenty of ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ style previews predicting a game closer than the odds suggest, but is that really what we should expect? Bayern finished miles ahead of Dortmund in the Bundesliga and handed Barcelona their asses on a plate in the semi-final, so they’re worthy favourites. Does league position make any difference when it comes to deciding ‘one nation’ European finals? The Paddy Power Blog has looked over the history books and found out that it probably does.

First of all, I should point out that there’s a limited sample size mainly due to the fact that prior to becoming the erroneously named ‘Champions League’ in 1992, it was impossible to have a one nation final because, ya know, it was actually for champions and not teams who scraped fourth place after vanquishing the mighty Wigan, QPR, Reading and Norwich in the closing weeks of the season.

To counteract that, I’ve also included the artist formerly known as the UEFA Cup finals too, a competition that gets about as much love as David Hasselhoff’s music in Britain, but is bizarrely popular elsewhere in Europe. I have bothered with the Cup Winners’ Cup or any other crap. In the 12 European finals that have been contested by teams from the same country, I’ve noticed the following trends:

• 66.66% have been won by the team who finished higher in the league that year
• 66.66% of one nation Champions League finals have gone the way of the team ranked lower in the league (but that’s only three games)
• 43% of single leg finals has finished 3-0

Yes, 66.66% isn’t  exactly ‘whopping‘, but it does suggest that league form can’t be discounted, not matter how much ‘don’t rule out the plucky underdogs’ shtick you get from the plucky underdogs. In the 12 ‘one nation’ finals, the winner has finished higher in the domestic leg a not insignificant eight times.

If we rather selectively apply to blinkers to only Champions League finals, the reverse is true, with the trophy going to the lower ranked team 66.66% of the time. In 2000, a Real Madrid team that finished two points behind Valencia in La Liga hockeyed los Ches 3-0 in the decider, while three years later, AC Milan overcame 15 point sized Serie A chasm to beat Juventus on penalties.

The problem for Borussia Dortmund is they ended up finishing so far behind Bayern that the league champions weren’t even a smug Bavarian dot on the horizon. 25 points was the difference as the players popped the champagne corks and although Jurgen Klopp insists it’s down to his team concentrating on their European campaign and free-wheeling their way through the closing weeks of the Bundesliga season, the gap is alarming.

The biggest gap ever overcome in a European Cup or UEFA Cup/Europa League final was Milan’s aforementioned victory. In 2007, an Espanyol team that finished 22 points behind Sevilla in La Liga took them to penalties, but that’s the only occasion a gap this substantial has been overcome. And that wasn’t even really overcome.

In other semi-useful snippets, three of the seven single leg European finals contested between domestic rivals have gone to penalties, most recently the Manchester United and Chelsea Champions League final in which John Terry’s standing leg collapsed faster than Andy Carroll’s market value. Oddly, three of the seven single leg finals have finished 3-0 to the bigger club (Real Madrid, Atletico Madrid and Inter Milan) and if you think that vague stat may continue this time around, it’s 14/1 that Bayern win by that scoreline this time around.

90 minutes is all that stands between two sides and the chance to walk out on the turf at Old Trafford, Anfield and the Emirates, be slated by Gary Neville on Monday Night Football and cash in on a massive £120 million. That’s enough to pay for Cristiano Ronaldo and a whole new back four.

Crystal Palace face Watford at Wembley on Monday evening in what is being touted as the richest game in sport. After some extensive research using the Google machine we’re fairly certain it is up there and it blows other major sporting events out of the water.

• £120 million – Play-off Final
• £47 million – Champions League Final
• £1.15 million – Wimbledon winner
• £500,000 – Grand National winner
• £58,000 – Super Bowl winner
• £100 – Crufts winner

It is a mind-blowing figure when you see it written down. Borussia Dortmund and Bayern Munich will play for the greatest prize in club football on Saturday night, but in terms of winnings the play-off final is worth two and a half times more. Andy Murray probably won’t win Wimbledon, but even if he did he’d still be £118.5 million behind the victors at Wembley on Monday night.

Although we hate to burst the Championship bubble, the figure that is banded around by the press might be £120 million, but when you break that down it isn’t exactly what the clubs will be pocketing.

Play-off Final Doughnut
Breaking down the £120 million purse

The winners will cash in on around £55 million from TV income and the right to be featured on Match Of The Day. You also get the privilege of having Mark Lawrenson projectile vomit some tired footballing cliches over the BBC’s couch and ruin your Saturday evening.

Another £5 million comes from a few glory-hunters jumping on the Premier League band wagon and the club benefits from selling tickets, replica shirts and practically anything big enough to feature the crest.

Half of the £120 million cheque is actually in parachute payments, just in case the club spectacularly fail in the Premier League and come crashing back into the Championship after nine months of getting thrashed. A bit of an unfair judgement by the Premier League considering 17 of the last 30 promoted teams have survived their first season in the top flight, but probably wise.

There is Premier League status up for grabs though and that means more than just a few bob in the Chairman’s pocket. A leap into the country’s top flight means a chance to play regularly in the biggest league in Europe and for these young players it is a huge step in their career. For some it is step too far of course, but don’t forget for every Andrew Johnson we get a Gareth Bale.

Watford are the 11/8 favourites with Crystal Palace priced up at 21/10 and it is 11/5 to be all square after 90 minutes.

Who will hold their nerve in the £120 million match? Dive in to the latest odds and take advantage of Paddy’s MBS here

I’ve always been a nibbler, especially of biscuits. Toffee Pops, if you’re offering. But thanks to a combination of never-ending national economic turmoil, a personal savings strategy loosely based on Arthur 2, and a fondness for placing bets after a few shandies, this weekend presents a starting point to punt my way to a better wedding.

• Monaco GP.
• Champions League Final.
• Froch v Kessler II.
• Donegal v Tyrone.
• Temple Stakes at Haydock.

I’VE GOT THE POWER: Sole Power, that is, who races in the Temple Stakes

Sport on a Saturday or Sunday doesn’t get much better than this weekend. Actually, I’m even missing the Froch fight as have been summoned to the future in-laws for a night of Excel-sheet planning and red wine. Ain’t that a punch in the head.

I’m starting with a £100 kitty and will try to turn that into at least £3,000, by the first week of November 2013. Each Friday, in gruesome detail, I’ll reveal which weekend sports events I believe are worth a punt and previous results. You can choose to follow that advice, or simply join in the laughter when I have to approach the guy who sings into a soggy chipbag outside my local to be my wedding band. Or my wife if this all goes horribly wrong.

Must avoid a Froch-ing nightmare

These bets will swerve between straight-up, sure-fire steamers and ridiculous long shots. But, hey, ask any bookie – sport is bat-shit crazy so anything can happen, and usually does.

Oh, let’s just keep this all to ourselves too, as I don’t want the fiancée to find out. Yet. Balls out on the first week.

I asked PP for a pay rise. He said no chance, and suggested the best he could do was a tip for his mum’s horse, Sole Power, who runs in the Temple Stakes at Haydock on Saturday. Cheers, Paddy. Thought hard about that one, didn’t you?

Otherwise, after seeing the shape Carl Froch was in during his Friday afternoon weigh-in, I’m all aboard that train ahead of his IBF super-middleweight title at the O2 in London on Saturday night.

May 24 wedding fund bets | week one

• Sole Power, 2/1, Temple Stakes at Haydock (5 points)
• Froch to beat Kessler outright 4/9 (5 points)

Betting scale

• 1-point bet. Finger of fudge (having a nibble)
• 2-point bet. Milky Way (snack)
• 3-point bet. Purple Snack (fancy it)
• 4-point bet. Biscuit Yorkie (All over this)
• 5-point bet. Pack of Hob-Nobs (lumping on)

Twitter: @paulmallon1

European football expert Graham Hunter has three bets out of left field for the neutral in the all-German Champions League Final on Saturday night at Wembley.

If you’d blindfolded David, tied one arm behind his back and replaced the stone in his sling with cotton wool you’d STILL have a bigger crowd of backers on him to win his one-on-one with Goliath than those favouring  Borussia Dortmund on Saturday night.

Even though we saw Manchester United beat Bayern Munich without Paul Scholes and Roy Keane in 1999, Barcelona beat United in 2009 without Eric Abidal, Rafa Marquez and Dani Alves,  Chelsea beat Bayern without John Terry, Branislav  Ivanovic, Ramires and Raul Meireles – the absence of Mario Gotze seems to have been taken as the end of Dortmund’s hopes.

Lukasz Piszczek needs a hip operation post final because he’s in persistent pain. And if Mats Hummels starts then the spotlight will be trained right on him because of the ankle problem which he suffered in defeat against Hoffenheim last weekend.

The theory is that Gotze is so outstanding, such an important gateway for Dortmund’s high energy, vertical playing philosophy – that his absence is disastrous.

Bayern are football’s Terminators.

In summary they’ve scored a million goals this season, teams are petrified to score against them in case they get a knuckle sandwich, everyone’s in perfect form, each of their players is quicker, taller, stronger than their rivals. As they’d say in Goodfellas: ‘Forget about it’.

And all joking aside, Jupp Heynckes’ side are tremendous to watch and a real swine (or Schweini) to play against.

Having dominated Dortmund domestically this season, Supercup, German Cup, Bundesliga, it really would be a massive setback for Bayern not to complete the set with the Champions League trophy which their butter-fingers let slip 12 months ago against Chelsea.

And if you want to put your sterling, your Euros or even the odd Deutschmark from down the back of the sofa on Bayern the evidence keeps on mounting to say you’re spot on.

Dortmund’s key player, Robert Lewandowski, is off to Bayern once the final is over so who knows how he’ll handle the pressure of leading the line against his new employers?

Ripped out fingernails

Bayern romped to Wembley against Juventus and Barcelona on an 11-0 aggregate scoreline while Dortmund ripped out all their fingernails while clinging on for wins against Malaga and Real Madrid.

An open and shut case – right?

Possibly so.  However it’s a fact that in the last 10 matches between the sides, in all competitions, Dortmund have won five and drawn two – not a bad record.

Equally, it’s just a year since Jurgen Klopp’s side won the German Cup final 5-2 against a Bayern XI which, barring the injuries to Holger Badstuber and Toni Kroos, could feasibly start on Saturday night.

Whether or not you fancy Bayern to ultimately do the logical thing and win there may be one or two factors worth taking into account.

• In seven of those last 10 matches between the sides Dortmund have scored the first goal.
• Of the three previous European Cup finals between teams from the same country familiarity hasn’t bred contempt – but penalty shoot-outs instead

AC Milan beat Juve on spot-kicks in 2003, Manchester United did the same to Chelsea in 2008 and if you consider that of the four matches between Bayern and Dortmund this season there have been two draws and two single-goal wins for the Bundesliga champions then perhaps extra time and penalties aren’t wildly fanciful.

Then there is the theme which the bashful, inarticulate, wallflower Dortmund coach Jurgen Klopp himself introduced.

GERMAN MENACE: Lewandowski, Klopp, Muller and Bond baddie Blofeld

Ahead of the final he said:

Bayern want the Bundesliga to be a one- team league. It’s like James Bond but they aren’t Bond, they are the other guy. They want to dominate Europe and Germany for a decade.

Klopp also admits that when he heard that Gotze had been bought out of his contract by Bayern Munich it devastated him for a night – enough to make him miss his friend starring in a movie Premier and the red carpet, Rolls Royce evening which was in store for Herr and Frau Klopp by association.

In one fell swoop with his Bond-villain quotes he managed to make this a grudge match and to invoke ‘underdog’ sympathy for his side.

This isn’t a tie which generally produces a flood of red cards, although Rafinha was sent off during the recent Bundesliga draw, and there have only been two red cards in European Cup finals – Arsenal ‘keeper Jens Lehmann and Didier Drogba in 2006 and 2008 respectively.

Good luck to Italian ref Nicola Rizzoli who has issued only four red cards in 39 Uefa club matches. Perhaps, just perhaps, he’ll augment that total.

Now, given that it’s the last vital club game of my working season I’m going to indulge on that sixth-sense ‘instinct’ call. Only two players, Samel Eto’o and Raul Gonzalez, have scored in two Champions League finals and Thomas Muller, is a punt of mine to score in two consecutively.

It’s hard to envisage Dortmund having a chance unless Lewandowski provides them with a goal but Nuri Sahin is a massive favourite of Klopp’s and it’s feasible that a weight of responsibility will fall on his shoulders now that Gotze is out. A surprise goal or man of the match?

It could easily be hostile, it’ll be passionate, noisy and intense. Get your bets on, get the beers in sit back and enjoy a cracker.

Graham’s best bets for the Champions League final:

• Muller time:  Thomas to score for Bayern in consecutive finals
• Early bath: What are the odds on a red card being shown?
• Too close to call: See our extra-time and penalties market
• Sahin surprise: What price the man of the match award

This week @AmyEustace ponders whether Gareth Bale is the man to save British football, and why he needs to stay in the Premier League.

The word ‘British’ used to simply denote origin, but in recent years it has taken on a strange, contemporary slant. Just ask Andy Murray – now, spoken in the context of anyone who has achieved great things in their field, ‘British’ tends to mean, ‘They’re not actually English, but we want you all to assume that they are so we can feel better about ourselves’. It’s a tag honourably bestowed on those that are so good the English would be happy to claim them – otherwise, they’re simply Welsh, Scottish, or, more rarely, Northern Irish.

On that logic, enter English football’s answer to Murray: Gareth Bale.

It’s been some time since the world has witnessed a football prodigy of his calibre emerge from England. Not, at least, since Wayne Rooney set the stage alight with whispers of ‘world-class’ for the first time since the English old guard (made up of the likes of Lampard, Gerrard, Terry, Cole and Fergie’s United ‘kids’) stamped their mark on the Premier League era.

Rooney and his predecessors were a boon for the English national team’s chances at re-establishing some form of international dominance (a patently false hope), but Bale, on the other hand, despite his potential for club greatness, will probably only ever strive towards qualification for international competition and stagnant mediocrity with Wales.

His importance for the reputation of the league, though, can’t be underestimated…even if there is no sight more cringe-worthy than a grown man making a heart with his hands at a TV camera.

At 23, the Welshman is already running out of space on his mantelpiece for individual honours and this season, he left various award ceremonies looking like Adele coming out of the Grammys. Named PFA Player of the Year, Young Player of the Year and FWA Player of the Year (and that’s just the plaudits of 2012), Bale has won just about every domestic gong for personal achievement, but no winners medals to speak of for his club’s efforts. With Spurs having narrowly missed out on qualification, I suspect he’d trade it all for the opening violin strains of the Champions League anthem.

A meteoric acceleration in form over the past three seasons has seen the once average second-tier left-back turned sensational Premier League midfielder become the player on which all of Spurs’ hopes are now hinged. Who could have imagined, when he signed from Southampton in 2007, that an 18-year-old Welsh lad would be the key to their dream of establishing themselves as a top four side, and a force to be reckoned with in Europe to boot? Back then, the north London club were comfortable in the top half of the table but challenging somewhere in the middle for the last few UEFA League spots, while Bale was a fresh-faced, fast but flawed defender.

Tottenham’s Goal machine

Now, he’s the league’s hottest property. With a new, unrestrained role handed down to him by André Villas-Boas, Bale has scored many of his 26 goals this season as a sort of second-striker. Yet, even with 21 league goals from the man himself, Spurs finished the season a point shy of local rivals Arsenal, missing out on the Champions League spot that would most likely have made Bale’s extended stay in north London a sure thing.

His contribution has been sorely needed, with strike partners Jermain Defoe and Emmanuel Adebayor clocking up woefully average seasons with just 23 between the pair. The effect of Bale’s scoring focus is that his creative input has been hampered – he managed just 4 league assists, compared with 11 last season, but in total he created 75 chances, placing him in the league’s top ten in terms of key passes.

“To play the way we have also but to miss out on our objective is very disappointing,” said the winger, and it must have struck a nerve to come so close and yet so far, after carrying a club squarely on his shoulders for the best part of the year.

Instead of humiliating Inter Milan right-backs in the Champions League as he is wont to do, Spurs will have to settle for being Europa League playmates with relegated Wigan. But Bale has a choice; he needn’t settle at all.

BALE FORCE: Gareth Bale tore Inter Milan a new one in the Champions League

The Welshman has hinted heavily at staying at Spurs, and if that’s the decision he has made, then it’s daringly loyal, patient and sensible. Granted, at his age, he has plenty of years ahead of him to match his extensive list of personal honours with club trophies, and at least at Spurs he has a degree of certainty as to his place in the team – unlike his former teammate Luka Modric, who has found that perhaps the move from London to Madrid has involved a competition for places he was not quite prepared for.

Indeed, Real Madrid are one of the clubs who have apparently expressed interest in Bale – Sergio Ramos has described him as a ‘Real Madrid-quality signing’. A move there would mean a tussle for supremacy with Cristiano Ronaldo (if the Old Trafford homing call doesn’t prove irresistible). Bale may have evolved beyond the confines of his club and league in terms of reputation, but actively going toe-to-toe with the Portuguese forward and matching him in his perennial battle of one-upsmanship with Lionel Messi is about as likely as Tony Pulis replacing José Mourinho.

If Bale was to move elsewhere now, he’d open up a divergence of paths, some of which lead to true legendary status at a ridiculously young age, while others lead to the burning out of a very bright star indeed. The ‘one-man team’ label Spurs have been given has its obvious downsides, but for Bale the advantage is a squad built to serve his needs. A summer of retirements, sackings and moves has made Tottenham, manager-wise at least, one of the most stable clubs around. With a good summer of transfer market activity under their belt, they could more than close the narrow gap between them and the current top four.

Best in England Europe the world

On the other hand, Bale could buck the trend of British players moving abroad after they’ve peaked and become one of the few to truly adapt to life on the continent, hammering down the accent á la Joey Barton. Instead of waiting around for Spurs to qualify for Europe’s top competition, he could give winning it a shot.

But this summer, in the absence of a major international competition to keep the anticipation at bay, the sense of unpredictability surrounding the coming Premier League season is mouth-watering. With so many stalwarts hanging up their boots (and hairdryers), who wouldn’t want to be around when the shit hits the figurative fan, and the English football hierarchy has its first real shake-up since the early 90s?

As Juan Mata put it earlier in the season, “Gareth is, right now, one of the best in the world. Not just in England, not just in Europe – in the world.”

The last thing the Premier League could use at the moment is the departure of a potential legend, and the inevitable dent it would make in Spurs’ competitiveness. Bale is the hero that the Premier League deserves, and he might just be exactly what it needs right now.

Can Bale guide Tottenham to Champions League football next season? Check out their odds for a top four finish here

The Europa League just got interesting

• The Europa League, up to around about the semi-final stage, has got to be the most tedious club competition in history, but it just got that bit more interesting. At present, it’s just the Champions League’s less good-looking, more attainable sister, however UEFA are expected to confirm today that from 2015 winning the competition will mean automatic qualification for a shot at the real prize the following season, without otherwise affecting the amount of places afforded to the top teams in a domestic league. Hopefully this will help Emmanuel Adebayor to distinguish between the two tournaments by something other than the theme music.

Toothless aggression

• Meanwhile in Argentina, not content with the usual fare of coins, beach balls and other miscellaneous objects, a disgruntled fan threw a set of dentures at Argentinos Juniors Coach Ricardo Lombardi during a match against Belgrano. Argentinos were losing 3-1 to Belgrano and are under serious threat of relegation. No wonder the fan was fed up to the back teeth…

Think before you ink

• Dortmund fans are great. Great, but also fully insane, like this one who had Jurgen Klopp’s open-mouthed face tattooed on his upper back. Unfortunately for him and his fellow supporters, a clairvoyant German elephant called Nelly has predicted that they will lose the final. Paul the Octopus is so 2010.

This morning was one of those very mornings.

So we proudly present to you: The Doughnut.

The Doughnut shows you where the cash is going ahead of big sporting events like Wimbledon, the Ashes, or in this case, the Champions League Final between Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund. Rather than being filled with jam, our Doughnut is filled purely with top quality information that may, or may not sway your betting.

Borussia Dortmund v Bayern Munich
Where the money is going

In this instance the money is flowing in for 4/5 favourites Bayern Munich and it is easy to see why. The German champs dominated the Bundesliga, winning by 25 points in the end and avoiding defeat in four meetings with Borussia Dortmund. 72 per cent of cash is flowing in for Jupp Heynckes’ men as they bid for a historic treble.

A quarter of punters’ pennies is on Borrusia Dortmund to win the cup in 90 minutes. Dortmund have lost just two of the last nine head-to-heads with Bayern and thumped them 5-2 last time they were on neutral soil in the 2012 German Cup. They are 7/2 to cause an upset at Wembley and will be relying on Robert Lewandowski to find the decisive goal, before he potentially leaves in the summer.

Lewandowski has dominated the tournament with 10 goals already, scoring all four in Dortmund’s 4-1 thrashing of Real Madrid in the Westfalenstadium. The Polish striker has five golas in nine games against Bayern Munich in his career and if he adds to that tally on the grandest stage of them all it will cost Paddy a pretty penny. He is refunding selected losing bets if Lewandowski gets the last goal of the game.

Not many people fancy this match to go to extra time, with just three per cent of punters backing the game to be level after 90 minutes. Bayern Munich went all the way to penalties when they lost to Chelsea 12 months ago and 30 per cent of the last 20 Champions League finals have been all square at the final whistle. There have been two draws between the sides in the Bundesliga this season and it could prove to be a bit of value at 13/5.

Fancy a nibble on the doughnut? Dive in to the Champions League Final betting and take advantage of Paddy’s MBS

WELL, I, …. : Sven’s set to top the bestseller list in the Autumn (pic: Inpho)

It was never going to last. Sven talking up an  ’honest and open’ autobiography without the slightest hint of irony. We’ve already got the interesting bits from the tabloids.

But in the interest of fair play and taking the absolute p*** here are some of the highlights from #50shadesofSven as Paddy Power punters took to the Twitter machine to give the former England manager some advice on writing a bonk-buster.

Nancy Dell’Olio, TV celeb Ulrika Jonsson and FA secretary Faria Alam – and their lawyers – will no doubt get to have their say later. For now, the winner of the free bet is on top.

RT @joshtitothomas “I screamed “deeper, deeper” but lampard just wasn’t interested in playing as a holding midfielder #50ShadesOfSven“

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) May 22, 2013

I should have used more protection. Seaman was all over the place. Great effort from Ronaldinho all the same. #50ShadesOfSven

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) May 22, 2013

RT @pherbert93 on my hands and knees, demoralised, becks dripping all over me. I knew the FA Xmas party had got out of hand #50ShadesOfSven

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) May 22, 2013

I pounded relentlessly. Exhausted, she shouted ‘stop’. Posh opened the door and told me Becks had already left for training #50ShadesOfSven

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) May 22, 2013

RT @englishandys the more he pushed the tighter it got .. Then he was finished .. Owen’s hamstring had gone again #50ShadesOfSven

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) May 22, 2013

I touched her. She was dripping wet. I shouldn’t have visited Nancy’s dressing room so soon after she performed on Strictly #50ShadesofSven

— Josh Thomas (@joshtitothomas) May 22, 2013

‘Stick it wherever you want’ – I loved hearing those words. Until I saw Becks blast his penalty miles over the bar. #50ShadesOfSven

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) May 22, 2013

• Read all about it: Who will Sven dish the dirt on?
• Betting: Football Manager Specials

By Josh Powell | Premier League Nightmare XI

The Premier League season has drawn to a close and Gareth Bale is making room on his windowsill for both PFA Player of the Year and Young Player of the Year awards. As pundits and fans queue to praise the likes of Robin van Persie and Juan Mata, the Paddy Power Blog team has taken a completely different view, choosing to root through the stats and pick out the worst 11 players this year.

This is team of footballers not even Harry Redknapp would want to manage. Ill-discipline, poor passing, loose defending and an inability to hit a cow’s arse with a banjo. This Nightmare XI has it all.

Goalkeeper – Mark Bunn (Norwich)

What they say: Promising young keeper who has served as a more than able deputy for John Ruddy. The only reason he’s not in the Ireland team is because Giovanni Trapattoni probably thinks he is English.

What we say: He’s definitely consistent, just consistently good at picking the ball out of his own net. Bunn conceded a goal on average every 45 minutes this season.

Left back – Jose Enrique (Liverpool)

What they say: Hailed by Brendan Rodgers as ‘sensational’ last December. He used to post loads of pictures of him eating in Nandos on Twitter but then Suso called him gay and Enrique deleted his account.

What we say: All that sweet piri-piri sauce might be having negative consequences. He attempted 68 crosses this season and just seven of them found a Liverpool player.

Centre back – Sebastien Bassong (Norwich)

What they say: Physically strong and powerful. Graduated from the famous Clairefontaine Youth Academy which produced talents like Thierry Henry, William Gallas and Nicolas Anelka.

What we say: From our limited understanding, challenging attackers for the ball is a key area of defending. Bassong attempted a tackle once every 141 minutes this year.

Centre-back – Jonas Olsson (West Brom)

What they say: A tough-tackling defender similar to Olof Mellberg (presumably because they are both Swedish). Steve Clarke regards him as a key player for West Brom in the last few years.

What we say: Reading the game isn’t his strong point. Olsson made an interception on average once every 13o minutes this season.

QUEL SURPRISE: Someone skips past Lowton again. This time it is Mr Jack Wilshere

Right-back – Matthew Lowton (Aston Villa)

What they say: Regarded as one of the league’s best young full-backs and reportedly straight on Arsene Wenger’s summer shopping list.

What we say: One fantastic goal is doing an awful lot to blur people’s judgement. Lowton was dribbled past 40 times this year, the worst record of all the Premier League full-backs.

Left wing – Steven Pienaar (Everton)

What they say: One of Everton’s most creative players with the ability to find the back of the net from distance. Hailed by pundits for his link-up play with Leighton Baines on the left.

What we say: To quote any one of the Match Of The Day panel, ’You are definitely 86 per cent less likely to score if you don’t have the ball.’ Pienaar was dispossessed 84 times this season, more than any other midfielder.

Centre midfield – Craig Gardner (Sunderland)

What they say: A versatile midfielder who isn’t afraid to get stuck in. When both players were at Aston Villa, Gareth Barry said that Gardner would be a key player for years.

What we say: Gareth Barry is a fool. Gardner has the worst disciplinary record this year with 10 yellow cards and one sending off. 34 per cent of his tackles have been fouls this season.

Centre midfield – Adel Taarabt (QPR)

What they say: Hyped as the next Zinedine Zidane when he first came to England and regarded as one of the best players in the Championship three years ago. Signed for Tottenham in 2007 and used to be link with a move to Arsenal or abroad.

What we say: What he lacks for in ability he makes up in confidence. Although, he does lack a significant amount of ability. This season he took 98 shots and scored just five goals.

GUTTED: This is a pretty much permanent expression of disappointment for Taraabt

Right wing – Jason Puncheon (Southampton)

What they say: Saints fans rave about Puncheon’s work rate, his eye for goal and creativity coming in off either flank. Nigel Adkins described Puncheon’s season as ‘excellent’ at the turn of the year. Most memorably went to destroy some porcelain mid-way through a match with Everton in January.

What we say: The only thing more questionable than his toilet antics is his eye for a pass. Just 14 per cent of his through balls found their target this season.

Striker – Bobby Zamora (QPR)

What they say: A bullish English centre-forward who is renowned for his hold up play and ability to play as a lone front man. Teddy Sheringham has urged Roy Hodgson to include Zamora in the England set-up.

What we say: Zamora falls straight out of the Heskey mould. He completed just two successful dribbles in 21 appearances this year.

Striker – Danny Welbeck (Manchester United)

What they say: Tipped by Sir Alex Ferguson to be the future of England and Manchester United. Tireless striker who works the flanks and looks a lot like Gerald from Hey Arnold!

What we say: One goal in almost 22 hours of Premier League football this year. Unbelievable.

Who have we missed? Get in touch with any suggestions and head over here if you want to check the outright markets for the Premier League 2013/14 season

A GOOD SHOUT: Will Rafa throw his lot in with the Potters?

Rafael Benítez Maudes, known more commonly as simply Rafa or the fat Spanish waiter, is being strongly linked to the soon-to-be-vacant Stoke City job. In fact the soon-to-be-former interim boss of Chelsea is the 5/2 favourite to take over from Tony Pulis.

Stoke City chairman Peter Coates clearly feels that it’s time for a change at the Britannia Stadium. He no doubt appreciates Pulis’ excellent job at getting Stoke in to the Premier League and comfortably keeping them there for five straight season. But now he wants more. If the rumour mill is to be trusted, Coates believes Rafa Benitez is the man to give him more.

Fresh of securing third place in the league and winning the Europa League with Chelsea, one would think that Rafa would be linked with a more glamorous position than Stoke. No offence to Stoke fans but your club may be many things but glamorous is not one of them.

• Rafa has two La Ligas, a Champions League, two UEFA Cup/Europa League trophies and an FA Cup on his CV. His name has been mentioned, if only faintly, in the conversations surrounding bigger jobs at far bigger clubs.

His stock was damaged by his short and very unsuccessful spell at Inter Milan, where he struggled to follow Jose Mourinho, who had led the club to Serie A, Champions League and Coppa Italia treble the previous season.

He then hung around Liverpool for a couple of years, trying not to look desperate but failing badly. He must have been at least a little desperate to take over at Chelsea last November, following Roberto Di Matteo’s unceremonious sacking. The former Liverpool boss was reviled by Blues supporters when he arrived at the club. Now, after leading them to Europa League victory and Champions League qualification, he’s only reviled by some of them and mildly disliked by the rest.

With his reputation restored Rafa could certainly hold out for a more glamorous position than Stoke. However he has stated on many occasions that he likes living in England and remaining here is his main priority:

“England is my priority because my family is here, but there are not too many top sides so there could be two different options. It could be a project where you could build something for the future or it could be a top side where you could compete straight away for trophies, so we will see.”

The only two jobs available are Everton and Stoke. Considering the reception he received when he arrived at Stamford Bridge, maybe Stoke is the more appealing option right now.

• Betting: Next Stoke Manager
• Betting: Next Everton Manager

SVEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL :  An ‘open and honest’ ‘book (pic: Inpho)

In a move to rival E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey – former England manager Sven Goran Eriksson is to pen his autiobiography.

The managerial mercenary,whose off-pitch relationships with partner Nancy Dell’Olio, TV celeb Ulrika Jonsson and FA secretary Faria Alam earned him more press than his tenure as England boss will publish the ‘no holds barred’ gossip-fest on October 16 – the day after England’s last World Cup qualifier against Poland.

Eriksson’s extra-time tryst with Alam caused a meltdown at English football’s ruling body as she was also horizontal dancing with then FA Chief executive Mark Palios.

Not stuck for a few bob the man who earned £4m a year with the FA but revealed to the News of the World’s fake sheikh he’s quit for a better offer will call his new tome ‘Svennis’. He said, without a hint of irony:

There has been so much said about me that is not true. Now I want to take the opportunity to give my own view of everything that has happened. I want it to be an open and honest book about life on and off the field.

The Swede has had more clubs that Rory McIlroy since leaving the English job and despite commanding a king’s ransom in salaries has seen his  Manchester City, Mexico, Notts County, Leicester City, Ivory Coast, Thai club Tero Sasana and Al Nasr in Dubai – all underperform during his tutelage.

With some tasty managerial jobs up for grabs and impressionable chairmen with more money than sense - Sven could find himself back in Britain for the 2013/14 season.

• Betting: Sven autobiography
• Betting: Manager specials 

“Shinji Kagawa is one of the best players in the world and he now plays 20 minutes at Manchester United – on the left wing! My heart breaks. Really, I have tears in my eyes. Central midfield is Shinji’s best role. He’s an offensive midfielder with one of the best noses for goal I ever saw.”
- Klopp weeps at how Manchester United use the former Dortmund hero in the Premier League, and pays tribute to his nose.

“It’s absolutely normal that people go different ways. At 18 I wanted to see the whole world. But I am only in Mainz and Dortmund since then and … [Klopp laughs] it’s not the middle of the world. It’s OK that they want to go to different places. But they get there and, shit, it’s not the same. Look, you work for the Guardian, and sometimes you see your colleagues and think: ‘Oh no, the same old thing every day.’ Maybe you want to go to the Sun? More money, less work. More photographs, [fewer] words.”
- Klopp’s response when asked about the loss of Mario Götze to Bayern Munich, while revealing his knowledge of UK tabloids.

“She (his wife) wrote a book for children. It’s like Harry Potter – but it’s about football. There’s no Harry Potter flying on his fucking stick – just football.”
- Telling it as it is (above quotes via interview with The Guardian, here)

“I got more in life than I was ever supposed to get – family, money, football. None of my teachers, or my parents, ever believed this would happen to me. So how can this perfect life of mine be spoilt because they take our players?
- Refusing to let the sale of his star players get to him. Or is he?

“My whole life as an adult Alex Ferguson was coach of Manchester United. I only know this club with him as a coach. It’s unbelievable what he’s done. I never had the time, nor the possibility to go to Manchester United and watch training. I worked as a coach and never had the time to go see what others are doing. It’s one of the biggest stories in the history of football. I don’t think anyone will ever do that again. He’s a great manager and really it’s not possible to do twice what he did there. Or something similar.
- His view on former Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson.

“I show my team very often Barcelona but not the way they play. Just the way they celebrate goals. Goal no 5768 in the last few weeks and they go ‘Yeeeess’ like they never scored a goal. This is what I love about football. That’s what you have to feel all the time. Until you die. And then everything is OK.”
- How Klopp motivates his team (above quotes via The Sun, here)

“We want to fight for our life,” he says. “We want to make our parents proud. We want to do everything we can do to win this final. If we win, we are not best team in the world – but we beat the best team in world!”
- Via The Daily Telegraph, here

• All mouth and no trousers? Find out the latest odds on Bayern v Dortmund at Paddy Power.

GUS POYET – Winner of the 2012 ‘Gurning While Fighting An Invisible Giant’ World Championships

By Aidan Elder | Chief sports writer

‘We’re in no hurry to appoint a replacement’ was the news coming out of Goodison Park after it was confirmed that David Moyes would be leaving to do a Sir Alex Ferguson impression at Old Trafford. And that initial claim has proven be the case as we’re as close to finding out who the successor is as Marouane Fellaini is to appearing on the cover ‘Sensible Haircuts Monthly’.

There’s been no shortage of rumour, counter rumour and what we’re guessing is managers starting gossip about themselves in the hope of getting some attention. But the names that appeared towards the top of the Next Everton Manager betting at the beginning are mostly all up there a week and a half later. It still looks as open as a Who’d like to punch Justin Bieber?’ competition. Here’s a run down of the men who have been heaviest backed to land the Toffees job:
(Prices subject to change - Latest odds here)

20.30 update: USA national team manager Jurgen Klinsmann in to 7/2 from 16s; Cardiff boss Malky MacKay comes in to 8/1 after a flurry of online and retail bets.

Roberto Martinez – 5/2

The Wigan manager was a popular choice from the outset, but since the vacancy became available he’s also landed an FA Cup. That was great timing if he was trying to put himself in the shop window and even better timing if he was hoping to distract people from the fact the Latics actually got relegated. He’s got his strong points, he’s got his flaws, but you’ve made him favourite for the Everton job for the vast majority of this betting heat.

What he’s got going for him:

• He’s essentially available after Wigan got relegated
• No-one seems to have noticed Wigan got relegated

Neil Lennon – 6/1

At no point during the last couple has the Celtic manager said he wants the job or intends to leave Celtic Park. Clearly ‘I’m not leaving Celtic’ is clever double-speak for ‘I’m definitely leaving Celtic and going to Everton’ based solely on the number of bets coming in for Lennon (41). Despite expressing minimal interest in the job, he’s the second most backed man in the book. His credentials are interesting, but whether or not winning two horse and then one horses races is adequate experience for managing the Toffees is far less certain.

What he’s got going for him:

• Has won stuff
• Always seems about one hissy fit away from quitting Scottish football for good

Phil Neville – 7/1

The odds for the younger and less grating Neville (36) to get the job have been up and down like Jordan’s knickers, but he has now nestled snugly towards the top of the betting that’s to steady support from the betting public. He hung up his combative midfielder boots on Sunday, but he’s likely to replace them with combative coaching boots in the near future. It would be a surprise to see him get the Everton job with such little experience, but then again, it was a surprise that Everton gave Andy van der Meyde money to be a professional footballer, so this is a club with a history of daring and somewhat ill-advised risks.

What he’s got going for him:

• He’s a club hero
• Has hung around with some good managers long enough to maybe learn something

Alan Stubbs – 5/1

Not dissimilar to Neville, Stubbs’ odds have been up and down like Christina Aguilera’s dress size but some sustained support has seen him become one of the most popular choices in the betting. Former Toffee penalty-smasher, David Unsworth gave his former team-mate a vote of confidence and illustrating how little news we’ve had on the subject in recent days, people actually treated it like his it was major news rather than one man saying he supports his mate.

What he’s got going for him:

• He’s a club hero
• Has already got his foot in the Everton coaching door and wouldn’t even need a new security pass

Gus Poyet – 5/1

It’s not really possible to have a ‘bolter’ in a market that’s been trundling along so slowly, but if there is, Poyet is the man. Ironically, getting knocked out of the play-offs with Brighton seems to have improved his credentials in the eyes of punters because since his season ended prematurely, he’s been well backed for the job.

What he’s got going for him:

• Looks like he’s rather good at this managerial lark
• He’s got a better track record than a lot of his supposed rivals

Also Worth A Mention

Malkay Mackay is closing in fast on the top five after a slew of bets on the newly crowned Championship manager of the year. His price is in to 5/1 but what does it say about his confidence in his own abilities if he doesn’t at least give the Premier League a crack with Cardiff? Or maybe he just hates Wales.
David Weir has found some backers too. The former player and current Everton coach would certainly appeal to Bill Kenwright’s love of not spending money. His 14/1 price puts him on the outside of the betting for now.
And for some reason people still think Jurgen Klinsmann is a good manager. Or at least good enough for Everton There have been some sizeable bets on the German who is now just 6/1 to get the job. His stints with Bayern Munich and the US national team have shown he’s not very good without Joachim Loew doing the actual managing.

Find out all the latest happenings in the Everton Manager betting by checking out the latest odds

A slightly more detailed (and out of date look) at some of the candidates for the Everton job