Spanish football expert and author of Barca, Graham Hunter, addresses the big questions for the Paddy Power Blog after Barcelona’s big defeat to Bayern Munich.

The two questions I’ve most-often been asked since the Champions League semi-final demolition of Spain’s representatives by the physique and technique of the Bundesliga are:

• “Is this a total power-shift in European football?”
• “What the hell do Bayern need Pep Guardiola for? I bet he wishes the season hadn’t gone like this.”

The latter idea shows how short some memories are or, at least, how some people simply judge on what they last saw rather than delving deeper into a subject.

Nobody of sane mind would ignore the brutal way in which Barcelona’s current deficiencies were exposed by the Bavarians, nor can there be anything other than admiration for the relentless way in which Jupp Heynckes’ team has pursued what may, surprisingly, become the first treble in their remarkable history.

With all due respect to Dortmund, who will traipse in second to Bayern in the Bundesliga and who gave up their German Cup defence to the same team, it is the AllianzArena club which is world number one.

No question so, having made that clear let’s not forget that it’s only 12 short months since Bayern felt exactly like Barcelona do right now.

Just 12 months since a Bavarian disaster

They lost the German title to Dortmund by 11 points, calamitously failed to put Chelsea to bed in the Champions League final and blew the German Cup final 5-2 to Jurgen Klopp’s side, despite Martio Gotze not playing and Roman Weidenfeller needing to be substituted after half an hour.

That night Bayern used Neuer, Lahm, Alaba, Boateng, Schweinsteiger, Ribéry, Robben, Gómez, Thomas Muller plus the currently injured Toni Kroos and Holger Badstuber. Most of the troops who just trod all over Barcelona.

In Bavaria the season was seen as something approaching a disaster, certainly deeply humiliating. Just 12 months ago. Meanwhile, Dortmund had played like dumplings in Europe. Bottom of their group, five points behind third-placed Olympiakos, they’d been beaten home and away by Marseille, mustering only four points and conceding 12 goals in a group Arsenal won.

I’d wager that nobody of any vision or sense condemned either of the Bundesliga’s big two as “finished”, or believed that those events signalled an end to the general rise and rise of German football.

PUZZLING TIMES: Do Barca need Neymar? Losing Gotze is a huge Dortmund blow. Pep was hired for repeated success at Bayern. Barca have suffered badly without the likes of ironman Carles Puyol

Four points for the dim-of-wit…

Thus it’s time, despite the brutality of the results for Barcelona and Real Madrid, to make sure that any conclusions drawn about Barcelona this week are reliable rather than rabid.

1. It’s at least relevant contextually that in Carles Puyol, Javier Mascherano, (Jordi Alba) and Eric Abidal, Barcelona were missing four world-class defensive footballers who, if fit, would at minimum added power, experience, pace and aggression to the woeful work which brought them a seven-goal aggregate defeat.
2. The world’s greatest footballer was as good as absent from all 180 minutes of the matches.
3. Sergio Busquets may not be to everyone’s tastes but when he plays well, Barcelona rock. Like Messi, also because of injury, he was as good as absent from the tie.
4. Tito Vilanova, a first-year rookie who has just returned from a near three-month battle against cancer made a number of downright weird decisions which analysis of the cataclysmically bad defeat begs for more information.

Now, wait, I know that the short-of-attention and the dim-of-wit will already be misinterpreting all this and getting ready to tweet in rage. So let’s recap.
Bayern were superb. Bayern are currently much more powerful, quick and competitive than the Spanish champions-elect.

The seven-goal margin didn’t flatter them. But if people want to rip Barça’s current squad and their likely future to shreds then a touch of restraint, context and caution are needed.

I know what you bought last summer

Bayern bought Dante, Mandzukic and Javi Martinez last summer and radically strengthened themselves. This route is available to Barcelona. With a proper centre-half added, with height introduced to one of the full-back positions, an aggressive, hard-working, top-class centre forward and the majority of the current squad fully fit Barcelona will be, at least, competitive again and contenders to not only give Bayern or Dortmund a decent game but to win the Champions League next May.

However, here are the trends which are more persuasive, more influential. Bayern’s strategy and intelligence, to me, are very reminiscent of the brilliant building of Barcelona from 2003 onwards when the Joan Laporta era, even with the odd blip, returned flair, power, success and thrills to the Camp Nou. There is a philosophy, there is ambition, there is consistency and both transfer records and wage structures are being broken.

They have seriously damaged Dortmund by snaffling Gotze and if they add Robert Lewandowski too it’s a huge double whammy. Pep Guardiola was hired not to have a decent season in 2013/14 or to fight off Dortmund. No, the Catalan has been put on the staff in order to try to increase the chances that Bayern repeatedly win the Champions League and become Europe’s dominant force for a handful of years. The fact that he’s inheriting a powerful side is unquestionably in his favour — not an obstacle.

Have Barca not spotted their problems?

At Barcelona you get a strong impression that notable problems: player fatigue, the absence of height, power and pace and the absolute glaring requirement for one, perhaps two aerially excellent defenders, are being ignored. Or worse, is it feasible they haven’t been identified?

Moreover the determination to prioritise the purchase of Neymar appears blind to the fact that however good the Brazilian may be he’s far from anything like the most important kind of signing Barca need to make right now.

Also, it’s a signing which has the hallmarks of something which could undermine Leo Messi’s sense of well-being at the Camp Nou.

Barcelona took a right hook to the jaw this week. It landed because they’ve dropped their guard and been leading with their chin. But so long as the decision-making process at the Catalan club now starts to match the quality of thinking in Bavaria it’s only a knockdown, not a knockout.

• Read football insight with real passion — more from Graham Hunter on the Paddy Power Blog
• Mischief makers: Have you read Guido Fawkes, Not Big Sam, FourFourTom, Joey Barton and Paul Galvin yet?

Who’s your money on for the Champions League Final then? >Get the latest odds right here<

European football expert Graham Hunter (@bumpergraham) is predicting Real Madrid’s experience and composure will prove key in getting a positive result in tonight’s Champions League semi-final with Borussia Dortmund in Germany.

If it’s not to be a complete Bundesliga domination of this week’s Champions League semi finals then, ironically, Real Madrid might depend on a German to restore some La Liga pride.

Mesut Ozil has become a world class footballer under Jose Mourinho. He arrived in Spain as a young man of patent talent but the physical training at Madrid has not only completely altered his stamina (no longer is it a trademark that he’s subbed after 70 minutes) but given him significantly more top-body strength with which to hold off challenges and to buy himself space.

But, more than that, this game is a local derby against ‘the enemy’ for him. Born 35 minutes away from the Dortmund’s amazing Signal Iduna Park and originally a Schalke 04 youth talent, Ozil has always loved a tussle with the ScharzGelb (Black and Yellow).

How Ozil became the key man

Perhaps there’s something Pavlovian about the German midfielder’s response to facing Dortmund but having shone against them domestically for Schalke and Bremen, Özil was then probably the stand-out performer in the two Group D games between the sides earlier this season.

Away from home,  admittedly in defeat,  his was the clever lofted assist-pass which helped Cristiano Ronaldo score almost instantly after going behind to Robert Lewandowski’s opener.

In the return match it was the Real Madrid No 10 whose left-footed cross dropped perfectly for Pepe to head home the first equaliser and, again, it was Özil who squared the game in the last seconds thanks to a daring free kick which slid in at Roman Weidenfeller’s left hand post.

Again on the positive side for the reigning Spanish champions Ronaldo is on the most powerful, convincing and enjoyable form of his entire career. Beyond all the normal talent, power, height, free kicks, pace and heading ability there’s no missing the fact that since the Ballon D’Or went to Leo Messi in January the Portuguese has quietly got on with dominating Spanish football and putting himself in a position to rob Messi of the Champions League top scorer award for the first time in five seasons.

What’s more, he’s also a more complete team player than ever before. Previously there were uneven comparisons between Ronaldo and Messi in terms of goal assists but, again, CR7 has begun to close the gap and has been generous this season, in La Liga and the Champions League, in giving goals to Benzema, Higuain (who’ll start tonight) Ozil and Di Maria.

On that subject Mourinho will use Diego: Ramos, Pepe, Varane, Coentrao, Alonso, Khedira, Di Maria, Ozil, Ronaldo and Higuain tonight.

Pepe is the weak link

One man who’ll have to completely change his level of performance from the group games is Pepe. He gave away possession, allowed a shot to go right under his boot and was outjumped by Robert Lewandowski for three of the four goals in Group D which gave Jurgen Klopp’s team a win and a draw.

Important to Madrid in terms of height, power and pace Pepe is also a player who is notoriously capable of losing concentration and of losing his head. It will be a volatile atmosphere at Signal Iduna, Lewandowski says he’s fully fit and this is going to be a test for the Portugal international.

If he improves from his last two meetings with Dortmund and if Ozil and Ronaldo hit their marks then Madrid have the chance of taking a score draw back to Spain.

Dortmund merit respect for being quick, technical, smart, confident, well coached and terrifically well supported. However it’s possible that, tonight, experience and timing are slightly more in Madrid’s favour than a couple of months ago.

Malaga showed that Dortmund are vulnerable to the counter attack,  Mario Gotze’s transfer to Bayern being announced can’t help and, perhaps, the gap between the sides which was evident late last year has narrowed a little.

Betting: Borussia Dortmund v Real Madrid

VIDEO: Watch for Graham Hunter’s tips on Dortmund v Real Madrid

RECORD BREAKER: A brace for Messi would see him smash yet another record. Pic:Getty

By Andrew Robinson | Barcelona v Real Madrid

Tonight sees the latest instalment of El Clasico take place, with the differing styles of Real Madrid and Barcelona set to go head to head again.

They have played each other four times already this season and familiarity definitely breeds contempt. But with a place in the Copa del Rey final up for grabs there is a lot on the line.

Jose Mourinho is under pressure to get through, as his side of attacking superstars have been lacklustre in the league and currently sit a huge 18 points behind Barca, and even trail cross-city rivals Atletico Madrid.

Even though the tiki-taka style of Barca has given them a Man United-esque lead in La Liga they have won just one of the Clasico meetings this season against Cristiano Ronaldo and co. That was a first-leg win in the Supercopa de Espana, a trophy they lost in the second leg.

With the tie sitting at 1-1, Real go to the Nou Camp knowing a win or high-scoring draw will see them through and they are 7/4 to get the result they need and make the final.

Mourinho’s side are 20/1 to go through after extra time, while Barca are on offer at 14/1 with Paddy Power to get the job done in the extra period.

Barcelona shrugged off their 2-0 loss to AC Milan in the Champions League with a 2-1 win over Sevilla in the league, thanks to goals from David Villa and of course Lionel Messi, who seems to score every time he pulls on his boots.

And he’s ready and raring to go against the old rival tonight, as he looks to rub Alvaro Arbeloa’s nose in it after the pair’s bust up in the first leg.

‘Against Madrid we will have to produce our best football as we will be against a great rival,’ said the best footballer in the world (That’s Lionel Messi not Gareth Bale for all the Spurs fans reading this).

The Argentinean is chasing yet another record tonight – I don’t know how many more there can be.

He’s just two goals short of becoming the top scorer in El Clasico history, and a brace would push him ahead of the great Alfredo di Stefano. He’s 9/5 with Paddy Power to score two or more goals and add to his CV of records.

If he really turns it on he could do better than two and he’s on offer at 6/1 to bag a hat-trick and put Madrid to the sword yet again.

Red cards in the biggest game in Spain are commonplace and when Sergio Ramos, Pepe, Carlos Puyol and Sergio Busquets are around anything less than all-out assault wouldn’t be uncommon. That makes 8/11 a juicy price for a sending off in the match.

• Betting: Barcelona v Real Madrid

Paddy Power has given odds of 9/1 that Laudrup will be the next manager of Spanish giants Real Madrid.

The ex-Madrid player is heavily linked with the club and as the pressure on Jose Mourinho mounts the speculation rises about his possible successor, with PSG manager Carlo Ancelotti currently the stand out favourite at 6/5 to be the Real Madrid manager at the start of next season. However, Ancelotti has recently distanced himself from the role and Laudrup’s form with Swansea has put high up Real’s shopping list.

If Laudrup doesn’t end up heading back across to Spain there are plenty of clubs in England who will be looking closely at the popular manager. Paddy Power has given odds of 16/1 that Laudrup will be the next Chelsea manager and odds of 20/1 that he’ll be the next permanent manager at Manchester United; such is the respect for the achievements of the man from Frederiksberg.

Two managers facing up to the prospect of trophy-less seasons will be anxiously looking over their shoulders at Laudrup. Paddy Power have odds of 10/1 for him to take over at Arsenal and 20/1 to take over at Manchester City. With a host of potentially interested clubs it’s not looking likely that the Danish manager will stay at Swansea City with odds of him not being manager at the start of next season at 5/2.

A Paddy Power spokesman said: “Michael Laudrup has hailed bringing Swansea City their first major trophy as a career high, something that he may quickly eclipse if he goes onto manage Los Blancos. Although he may fancy a crack at the Europa League with the Swans we have a feeling the chance to manage a club in the Champions League maybe signal the end of his Welsh adventure.”

• Betting: Football manager specials

Maybe people will start calling the lob from the halfway line the ‘Jordi Amat‘ although that’s unlikely because he plays for Rayo Vallecano and they’re about as fashionable as getting Michael Barrymore to host your prime-time light entertainment TV show. The name may not stick, but at least he can comfort himself with his goal bonus and the fact he’s a very minor internet phenomenon. Enjoy!

Well, this is amazing as long as you can blindly ignore the hygiene implications and appreciate the skill required to do keepy-uppys with a piece of chewing gum and then flick it into your mouth.

The player is Real Madrid striker, Alvaro Morata, currently breaking through at the Spanish giants thanks largely to the fact Jose Mourinho has upset pretty much all the other players at the club.

We’ve no idea if he’s actually good enough to make the grade at the Bernabau, but if his ability to do slightly disgusting pieces of skill with chewing gum is any indication he’s destined for the top. Or tuberculosis.

The Champions League is back and Real Madrid take on Manchester United at the Bernabeu on Wednesday. Graham Hunter writes for the Paddy Power Blog on why United are going to find it hard to cope with former hero Cristiano Ronaldo

When Steve McManaman produced the name of Manchester United to face Real Madrid during the Champions League knockout round draw back in December there must have been many United fans who thought the Liverpool legend had done them the first favour of his career.

Not only were Spain’s champions languishing in third place in La Liga they immediately went out and lost 3-2 at Málaga to drop 16 points behind league leaders Barcelona.

The mighty Santiago Bernabéu stadium, which Sir Alex Ferguson’s team visit on Wednesday night for the third time under the Scot’s management, had been brewing its unhappiness

Against Espanyol the match-announcer, for the first time in the ‘Special’ One’s reign, didn’t read out the phrase “… and coach, José Mourinho” at the end of the team announcement.

Why? To avoid the booing, jeering and whistling which had been growing week by week.

When Mourinho’s name was re-introduced for the next home league game, Real Sociedad, it received easily the most hostile ‘bronca’ (abuse) of his reign.

Real Madrid were in disarray

Perhaps still more encouragingly for United aficionados, one of the biggest running themes in the never-ending Real Madrid soap opera was Cristiano Ronaldo’s ‘unhappiness’.

They would have easily been forgiven for thinking: ‘what better time to receive an old friend, applaud him for days of wine and roses and then spank his team’s backside?”

Ronaldo announced his nose was out of joint and that the club ‘knew why’ and he was hammered by Leo Messi in the Ballon D’Or voting having expected to win. Then came potentially the best news for United fans.

In short succession Ronaldo suffered a further twist to his troublesome right ankle, strained a leg muscle in the defeat to Granada and, most interestingly of all, had a massive blow up with Mourinho.

It came directly after the vital 2-0 home Copa del Rey win over Valencia in mid-January. Towards the end of the hard-fought victory where the visitors had scorned a hatful of chances to score, Mourinho was visibly unhappy with Ronaldo’s decision-making and positioning in the final few minutes. He shouted, he gesticulated, he returned to the dugout with steam emanating from both ears.

In the dressing room it was all off at Ludlow. Mourinho criticised Ronaldo’s work ethic, commitment to closing down the game at 2-0 and the fact that he hadn’t paid attention to the coach’s forcefully yelled instructions.

The player hit back with justified comments about the nerve it took to hammer him when he stepped up to support his beleaguered manager on every possible occasion – on the pitch, in the media and during some notable goal celebrations – when powerful journalists and growing number of fans were attacking him.

But however attractive all these details are to those at United who yearn to return to Wembley, scene of the club’s first European Cup in 1968 and a place which now needs some reparation after the most comprehensive defeat of Sir Alex’s entire 26-year reign, against Barcelona in 2011, the fact is that all that glitters is not gold.

Against this backdrop of confusion, aggression, doubt and a title weakly defended Ronaldo has been utterly and absolutely sublime. The worse things get, the better he performs.

In the 10 games since the Champions League draw was made in Nyon Ronaldo has scored 13 times, including three hat-tricks.

What is most admirable is that while others have let their form peak and trough like the graph on a lie detector in the manager’s office at a horsemeat plant, Ronaldo has always led from the front.

At Granada in a 1-0 defeat his team stunk the house out. But his work ethic and his attitude proved that he’s unwilling to accept the vagaries of form or fitness.  Even when literally nothing is going for him he’s still up for it.

For a player of that talent, wealth and achievement to be in a side so fractured that they barely even got one effort on goal against a team which was nearly relegated last season must have been frustrating beyond words.

But his attitude, play and goal record is extremely reminiscent of that 2007/8 season at United when he won the title, the Champions League, Ballon D’Or and FIFA World Player.

Ronaldo is carrying Madrid

Some months before Ronaldo banged out 42 goals during that amazing season Carlos Queiroz told a friend of mine that United planned to use Ronaldo as a central striker a great deal in the coming 12 months.

Partly because Sir Alex Ferguson and Queiroz thought he could become an effective new weapon, partly to free Wayne Rooney to play on the left but partly because ‘Cristiano needs to have the ceiling raised, he needs a challenge because he’s so, so talented that, otherwise, he’ll get bored or hit a comfort zone’.

It proved to be a dazzling idea. Ronaldo carried an ankle problem all that season, often phoned his friend and former fitness coach Walter Di Salvo to vent his frustration at having to carry an injury and at having to play ‘out of position’.

But adversity was his stimulus. The tougher the going, the more he produced.

So it is at the moment. His form is such that he’s carrying the team. No question.

His determination, his goals and his naked ambition to win Real Madrid the ‘Decima’ (their 10th Champions Cup) have converted the Bernabéu faithful, previously a little chilly and underwhelmed by his manner, into an adoring public.

His name is now, finally, chanted, the front cover of Marca proclaims him the new Alfredo Di Stefano, his overall team play is superior to that at United and the goal flow is prodigious.

The three which destroyed Sevilla at the weekend take him beyond the legendary Paco Gento (six European Cup winners’s medals) to sixth in Real Madrid’s all-time scoring list – after three and a half seasons!

He has 182 goals in 179 competitive matches and now only Hugo Sánchez, Ferenc Puskas, Santillana, Di Stéfano and Raúl are ahead of him – but nobody on that list has scored at a better goal per appearance rate.

‘The fact that the Bernabéu is finally singing my name, that the ‘feeling’ has changed is a dream come true for me’, Ronaldo told AS last week.

‘The support has taken note that I give body and soul for this club and the amount of affection and appreciation I now get on the street, at the games and from fans in the media touches me. I can really feel that the Bernabéu has taken me as one of ‘their own’ now.

‘It still surprises me that I was viewed and treated differently before because I’ve not changed. It’s just that more people have focussed on how much I give to the team, how determined I am to win the ‘Decima’ and set aside other, less important things.

‘I’m even noticing fewer insults and fewer chants of ‘Cristiano we hope you die’ at other grounds around the country. I can’t please all the people all the time – not even God manages that. It’s part of a big change since I told the President that I was unhappy here. I’m enjoying my football, I like playing with these team mates and I swear on my son’s life that when I was sad it was never, under any circumstances, to do with money.

‘As for what happened with the manager, the things which happen in the dressing room stay there. “It’s a personal matter which is now all sorted out – everything’s fine’.

As for the utter nonsense people used to trot out about Ronaldo not being a ‘big game’ player it’s worth noting that he’s made scoring against Barcelona a personal domain in recent Clásicos, he perpetually puts Atlético Madrid to the sword in derby matches, he hit two goals and an assist while Madrid were knocked out of the Champions League semi-final by Bayern Munich last season and this term he’s the competition’s leading scorer.

In a variety of interviews Ronaldo has made it clear that he thinks Madrid, pound for pound, are better than United but that they have to ‘go out and prove it’.

Fair point.

The loss of a world class keeper like Iker Casillas who has yet to taste defeat in four games against United, is a negative. But Diego López, signed from Sevilla, was once a very firm target for United themselves after playing them twice in the Champions League for Villarreal and not conceding a goal.

Equally, part of Ronaldo’s assertion may stem from his manager’s record against Sir Alex. Mourinho, with Porto, Chelsea and Inter has gone head to head with the United boss in 13 League, Champions League, Cup or League cup matches winning six, drawing five and losing only twice.

One key element for United, in this evenly balanced tie, is how they attack in Madrid. Any team, literally anyone, who is caught upfield and allows even this rather fractured version of Mourinho’s Madrid to break at speed will be punished.

Ronaldo, too, is at his absolute best when careering away upfield in a one v two or two v three battle just like 2007/8 at United.

If England’s champions-elect can defend, press and keep possession with calm and intelligence and not be caught on the counter then it’ll be over to Ronaldo to produce something special in order for Madrid to take an advantage to Manchester.

On his current form you might be wise not to bet against that happening.

Betting: Real Madrid v Manchester United
[Web bet click here | Mobile bet click here]

By Aidan Elder | Chief sports writer

We got to enjoy another weekend of top quality goals, excitement and one hilarious Gareth Barry own goal. Hopefully you managed to navigate your way to at least one successful bet, but if not, you might want to blame one of these teams for ruining your accum. Here’s a look at the chief culprits who failed to do the business at short prices over the weekend.

Porto – 1/10

Opposition: Olhanense at Estádio do Dragão (Portuguese Liga)

What went wrong?
If you are the type of person of likes putting short odds Portuguese giants into your footie accums, then this Sunday was your Chernobyl. The trio of Porto, Benfica and Sporting Lisbon all failed to oblige when odds on and at least two of them were surprising results. Porto and Benfica started the day a whopping 14 points clear of the pack at the top of the table, but couldn’t get the better of opposition they were expected to cake walk past.

The odds tell us Porto were the biggest offenders. They had home advantage against relegation battlers who have won once since the middle of November. The Dragons only have themselves to blame, both in a figurative and more literal sense. After going behind to an early counter attack sucker punch, they failed to convert their chances thanks to an inspired display from Rafael Bracalli in the Olhanense goal. That inspired display was kind of Porto’s fault as they actually own the Brazilian keeper and let him go to the Algarve on loan for the season. Plus Jackson Martinez missed a penalty with a woeful effort that would make Jonny Wilkinson proud.

Porto – champions in eight of the last 10 seasons – got an equaliser, but couldn’t get a winner leading to frustration somewhat eased by Benfica’s stumble against Nacional. They also had to stop for a while due to a hailstone shower – an amusing but not especially relevant footnote.

Ajax – 1/7

Opposition: Roda at the Amsterdam Arena (Eredivisie)

What went wrong?
Title challengers, Ajax were expected to destroy lowly Roda on Sunday and they pretty did – just not on the scoreboard. The match stats tell the story of a pummelling. The hosts had 71 per cent possession, 19 shots on target compared to Roda’s one and 14 corners to the visitor’s none. They hit the woodwork a couple of times and generally just made heavy weather of things.

Despite starting with a swagger that suggested they’ve had an easy afternoon of it, they fell behind just before half-time with Roda’s only on-target effort of the game. Ajax equalised thanks to a goal from Daley Blind, son of club legend, Danny. That nugget of trivia won’t do much to ease the pain if you threw them into the accum because what followed was 35 odd minutes of pounding the Roda goal to no avail. The combination of the woodwork and the Limburgers’ very baby-faced goalkeeper, Filip Kurto kept Ajax out meaning the defending champions slipped three points behind PSV at the top of the table.

Swindon – 2/5

Opposition: Hartlepool at the County Ground (League One)

What went wrong?
If you’re the type of person who loves mad Paolo Di Canio quotes, then nothing went wrong on Saturday. If you’re a Swindon fan or someone who saw the short price and decided them to throw them into the weekend accum, then it was a downright failure. The Robins would have gone top with a win and against the bottom of the table Monkey Hangers, they were expected to deliver.

It started well thanks to an early goal from Simon Ferry and the next hour or so was spent trying to increase the lead with no success. Despite dominating the stats, it had ‘barely warranted late equaliser’ written all over it and that’s how it panned out when Andy Monkhouse scored after 74 minutes. Di Canio wasn’t very happy with his players, but it did make for some amusing post-match quotes.

The lads are the protagonists. If they think they are donkeys then hopefully we will improve. The problem is when they feel arrogant. They have to feel hurt. They have to say ‘we were stupid and like donkeys’ today

Manchester City – 4/6

Opposition: Southampton at St. Mary’s Stadium (Premier League)

What went wrong?
‘What were they thinking sacking Nigel Adkins?’ no-one thought to themselves as Southampton tiki-taka-ed the ball around in front of the soon to be deposed champions on Saturday night. The Saints have been getting a lot of lip service about being a potential banana skin, but with the season hitting the home turn, everyone just assumed City would whip out some of that ‘ruthless’ they’ve developed in recent seasons and brush them aside.

Sticking City down on the accum made a lot of sense. Instead, using only pidgin English and semaphore, Mauricio Pochettino communicated to his players how to run rings around the visitors. Yes, it was helped by City collapsing like cheap self-assembly furniture, but even without Joe Hart’s blunder and Gareth Barry’s exquisite finish, Southampton looked the better team. After Sunday’s results, it leaves Mancini’s men a chasmal 12 points behind. Manchester United are champions (so we say at least) and City can now concentrate on securing their group stage exit from next season’s Champions League.

Athletic Bilbao – 7/10

Opposition: Espanyol at San Mames (La Liga)

What went wrong?
You might recall Athletic Bilbao from their swashbuckling defeat of Manchester United in last season’s Europa League. That’s your first mistake. They’re still playing that swash-buckling brand of football under Marcelo Bielsa, but just not to as much avail. As eye catching as those legs against United were, they haven’t ignited this season and are hovering uncomfortably close to the trapdoor.

In terms of price, a team losing at 7/10 isn’t a massive upset, but this one is notable for just how amusing disappointing the uneasy favourites were. They were well and truly stuffed at home by an Espanyol team who started the day one place below them in the league. The Catalan club made easy work of the Basque team, helped in large part by the hosts’ ‘musical statues’ defending style. Bielsa’s team did create chances and the lion’s share of possession, but they couldn’t find the net. The stats tell us that Espanyol scored from all four of their four shots on target, but that’s clearly a lie because they had a penalty saved and tapped in the rebound, which is two attempts on target on their own.

Although highlighting bad data recording is satisfying, it’s scant consolation for Bilbao backers. Iraizoz’s penalty save was good, but the fact the ball rebounded to the Espanyol player only added to the feeling it was one of those days when if they feel into a barrel of boobs, they’d come out sucking a knob.

(pic: Inpho)

by Rob Dore

With Aidan absent today it has been laid upon my shoulders to remind you of some of the high-profile odds-on selections which failed you over the weekend.

France – 1/10

Opposition: Italy in Rome (Six Nations)

What went wrong?
Before Sunday’s trip to Rome France were 2/1 to win this year’s Six Nations and right up until kick-off they remained just 11/2 to win the Grand Slam. One of those outcomes is firmly off the table, the other seems rather unlikely after their showing against Italy.

France boasted of  a dominant 31-2 head-to-head record against Italy prior to this game. Although they had lost 21-22 on their last visit to Rome, talk of a repeat was instigated to nullify the gods of the  jinx not because it was believed to be a possibility.

Italy took the lead with Sergio Parisse’s try but France hit back when Benjamin Fall touched down. Italy continued to battle but ten minutes in to the second half France led 18-13 and were on the verge of stretching their lead and putting the game to bed. They didn’t

Instead Italy defended as though Mama’s secret bolognese recipe was on the line and as France ran out of attacking ideas Castrogiovanni powered over the line and Orquera’s conversion saw Italy take a lead they would not relinquish. Les Bleus poured forward but the Italians stood firm for a famous victory which no doubt nobbled it’s fair share of weekend accumulators.

Barcelona 1/2

Opposition: Valencia in the Mestalla (La Liga)

What went wrong?
You can’t win all the time. This sounds like a pearl of wisdom from a parent who wishes to temper the expectations of a child to avoid disappointment later in life when the reality of the world comes crashing through their dreams. The Barcelona backer and the expectant child are no different. Both presume things are going to go the way they expect them too. When it comes to the Spanish football side they invariably do. Just not this weekend.

Their intensity made it difficult for us to play our game and it was hard for us to get close to their area. Perhaps we didn’t create a lot of chances and we weren’t as fresh as we have been in the past. – Barcelona asst coach Jordi Roura

Barcelona don’t have the deepest squad in European football. As we saw on a more regular basis last season this can lead to fatigue and some lacklustre performances . Valencia put in a high-intensity shift and a tired Barcelona side, which was feeling the effects of their midweek Copa del Rey clash with Real Madrid,  struggled to get a grip on the game. Ever Banega gave the home side the lead on 33 mintues but Messi equalised from the spot five minutes later. Valencia continued to press but some fine saves from Vitor Valdes secured a draw for Barcelona. Which probably doesn’t do you accum much good.

Manchester City 17/20

Opposition: Liverpool in the Etihad Stadium (Premier League)

What went wrong?
Liverpool played a lot better than many people were expecting. Manchester City lacked control in the middle of the field, clearly missing the presence of the Yaya Toure who has yet to return from African Cup of Nations duty with the Ivory Coast.  Although both Sergio Aguero and Edin Dzeko scored they  struggled to trouble a Liverpool defence which has amazingly been improved by the reintroduction of the ageing Jamie Carragher.

City took the lead through a well worked Dzeko goal after 23 minutes but Former player Daniel Sturridge struck back six minutes later. Steven Gerrard added a long-range cracker of his own in the second half and the visitors looked comfortably in control of the game.  Sergio Aguero equalised with a wonderful finish after a Pepe Reina error but Liverpool remained the side most likely to score.

After this bet busting draw City’s title challenge and position as weekly bankers needs some serious reconsideration.

Real Madrid City 17/20

Opposition: Granada in Los Cármenes (La Liga)

What went wrong?
Although away from home Real Madrid were 1/3 bankers to beat Granada, a team which sits on the cusp of the relegation zone. However the La Liga champions are simply having a woeful season by their standards, already losing five games, and sit a full sixteen points behind table toppers Barcelona.

This being said they were still heavily backed to win this game. The goals of Ronaldo would see them through. In the end Cristiano Ronaldo did score but for once it was at the wrong end. His own-goal combined with a disjointed display saw Los Blancos flounder against a resolute Granada without ever really looking like breaking them down.

Your accumulator may have been ruined but Real’s poor form combined with Rafa Benitez’ inability to provide immediate success at Stamford Bridge could see the Special One returning to the big show. Is that not worth it?

BECK IN THE GROOVE: Goldenballs is expected to join PSG (pic: Inpho)

It’s Transfer Deadline Day and we couldn’t be more excited if Mila Kunis just revealed she has a thing for sarky sports journalists who work for Irish betting companies based in Dublin.

We’re in for a few hours of thrills, excitement and speculation. Or failing that, a few hours of the Sky Sports News presenters trying desperately hard to convince us they give a crap where Luciano Becchio ends up.

We’ll be here throughout the day to keep you up to date on all the latest news, speculation and complete lies on Twitter that we always fall for. Exciting isn’t it?

Main headlines

• DAVID BECKHAM JOINS PSG
• DANNY GRAHAM JOINS SUNDERLAND FOR £5 MILLION
• SAMBA COMPLETES £12.5 MILLION MOVE TO QPR
• JACK BUTLAND SIGNS FOR STOKE BUT RETURNS ON LOAN TO BIRMINGHAM
• PETER ODEMWENGIE IS TURNED AWAY FROM LOFTUS AS DEAL TO JOIN QPR FALLS THROUGH
• PAUL SCHARNER REJOINS WIGAN ON LOAN UNTIL THE SUMMER
• JERMAINE JENAS SIGNS FOR QPR ON 18 MONTH DEAL
• CELTIC SUCCESSFULLY REBUFF NORWICH’S MANY APPROACHES FOR GARY HOOPER
• ARSENAL SIGN NACHO MONREAL FROM MALAGA FOR £8.5 MILLION

CLICK HERE FOR ALL OUR LATEST TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY BETTING

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23.13: There seems little point in hanging around waiting for late deals so let’s draw a line under the blogging here. To wrap up, the big news of the day was the David Beckham brand moving to PSG, Chris Samba moving to Blackburn and then…eh…I’m going with Peter Odemwengie making a tit out of himself. Other than that it was minor moves and lots of filler from the crew at Sky Sports News. Jim White battled on bravely but not even his awesomeness could shine an exciting light on a dull day of transfers. Thank you and good night.

23.00: The window is now closed. Thank you Peter Odemwengie for bringing some entertainment to our nights.

22.58: Have today’s dealings, or lack thereof, left you feeling a little like this?

22.54: Rumours are circulating that Alex McLeish has walked away from his job at the City Ground. The collapse of the George Boyd transfer from Peterborough over issues with his eye-sight may have irked Big Ec.

22.49: We have an interview with Harry Redknapp that’s not being conducted through a car window!! He’s trying to explain what happened with the Peter Odemwengie deal without making himself sound like a dodgy car dealer. Which simply isn’t possible.

22.46: Despite earlier spurious rumours linking him to Liverpool, Dutch goalkeeper Maarten Stekelenburg looks like he’s going to end up at Craven Cottage. Martin Jol is looking chuffed with his work during this window.

22.42: There really doesn’t look as though we’re going to get a big signing in the next 20 minutes. Come on City!! Get that cheque book out and do something mental!!

22.25: Everton have done a deal for Barnsley’s 18-year old defender John Stones. Signing him to a five-year contract.

22.23: West Ham director David Gold is trying to drum up some interest in midfielder Diame by insisting that no one has made a bid for the player. At least not one that meets their valuation.

22.12: Former Liverpool full-back Stephen Warnock has definitely signed for Leeds United on a three-year deal. It’s not exactly breaking news I know but it’s worth a mention.

22.10: The Odemwengie mess could yet see him moving to QPR. They still have 50 minutes to sort that one. Jermaine Jenas’ deal has been signed and Spurs’ 21-year old midfielder Andros Townsend has joined the club on-loan. Oh Harry.

22.02: The only mildly interesting transfer still on the cards is Kevin Doyle to Celtic. As an Ireland fan it’d be good to see him get some games and score 40 goals a season. He was on the bench for Wolves’ 2-1 loss away to Leicester tonight so they’ll need to work fast.

21.59: I forgot to mention Kevin Philips’ move to Crystal Palace from Blackpool. Well I say forgot, more nodded off.

21.54: Aston Villa fans have signed Tottenham’s Simon Dawkins on loan. His middle names are apparently Jonathan Dreamsmasher. This may be a wikipedia hoax but I really hope it’s true. Unfortunately all dreams at Villa Park have been well smashed by now.

21.52: Here’s a funny picture of Neil Warnock doing some last minute transfer research I nicked off Twitter.

21.41: Bubbles have been burst my friends. It seems the Leandro Damaio to Spurs deal is off after the Internacional director had this to say.

Damaio won’t leave, the offer was below what we wanted.

To add more disappointment to the boredom Gary Hooper won’t be joining Norwich. Celtic manager Neil Lennon confirmed he is not for sale.

Contrary to reports there have been no new bids for Gary. Even if there are, they will be rejected.

21.30: Brek Shea is somehwat muted as he struggles to expresse his excitement of moving to Stoke through the window of his car. The former Dallas FC winger now has to leave the country so he can apply for a work permit. Rounds of “U-S-A” from the Stoke fans were sure to make him feel at home.

21.28: I do hate to agree with Simon Jordan but he’s right, David Beckham signing for PSG isn’t technically a transfer because he’s unnatached. Pedantry straight from the Sky Sports News studios.

21.25: Does Alou Diarra’s loan move to Rennes mean West Ham are less likely to sell Diame? Spurs are the team most interested in the imposing midfielder.

21.22: Graham Hunter confirms Liverpool have missed out on Barcelona’s talented 21-year old winger Isaac Cuenca who has instead gone on loan to Ajax.

21.07: They’re STILL banging on about Chris Samba. Yes he’s a good player, a little over-priced and over-paid perhaps, but that deal was done yesterday. We are hearing that Peter Odemwengie has left Loftus Road, no doubt starting to see the flaws in his plan as he drives back to West Brom.

20.55: Barely known Everton striker Magaye Gueye may be off on loan to France. Bolton are also close to signing Partizan Belgrade midfielder Medo Kamar.

20.52: Leandro Damaio is at White Hart Lanes to discuss a £17m move. This will get a Big Money Move graphic if it goes through. Someone has also put a bid in for Diame. We don’t know who though, so it’s not quite a news story yet.

20.29:So little has been going on that I’ve been forced to come up with a limerick.

There was a player called Odemwengie
Who thought the rules were bendy
He rocked up to Loftus
To force through the offers
But the Baggies were being unfriendly

20.20: The official West Brom response to Peter Odemwengie’s arrival at Loftus Road.

Baggies confirm no agreement has been reached with QPR over striker

ALBION have moved to clarify developments regarding Peter Odemwingie after the striker was filmed a short while ago arriving at Loftus Road.

The club can confirm they have held further discussions with QPR today but those talks have so far proven fruitless and no agreement has been reached.

Albion would also like to make clear that Peter has not been given permission to speak to QPR about a potential move.

20.14: The Jack Butland deal has been signed we hear. Stoke City fans are delighted as you can see below.

20.07: Peter Odemwengie has gone rogue!!! So desperate is he to get involved in a fruitless relegation battle that the striker has driven to London with his manager to force a deal through.

19.59: As we prepare for the awesomeness that is Jim White we appear to only have a couple of realsitic big transfers in the offing. Leandro Damaio (highlights below) to Spurs is apparently still on and we wait to see if Everton can pull of a coup and land Negredo.

19.54: In the context of what has, or hasn’t, happened today Nacho Monreal’s reported £8.5m move to Arsenal is a big money move. It’s certainly an area Arsene Wenger needs to strengthen and he appears to have secured the talented Spanish international defender from cash strapped Malaga.

19.51: It appears the QPR caretaker is not a Jermain Jenas fan as Sky Sports News show the former England midfielder standing outside a locked Loftus Road.

19.46: Jim White has been released from his cryogenics chamber. It’s almost Jim Time people.

19.40: Fulham have completed the loan signing of Bulgarian defender Stanislav Manolev from PSV.

19.38: I’m not so convinced about these Liverpool goalkeeper rumours. Particularly the Reina one. How many truly handsome bald men are there in football? Seems foolish to let him go.

BREAKING NEWS: Liverpool have accepted a bid for Jose Reina from Arsenal. (Daily Mail) #Transfers

— Transfer Central (@CentralTransfer) January 31, 2013

19.25: BREAKING NEWS!!! Heurlho Gomes has been at Spurs all this time!! Who knew? The Brazilian is off to flap at crosses for Hoffenheim, where he’s on loan until the end of the season.

19.24: Mike Ashley can really turn a neutral supporter against Newcastle. Here he is arriving at the Newcastle training ground today.

19.21: WILD SPECULATION!!! Peter Lawwell, Celtic’s chief-executive, has been spotted returning to the offices at Celtic Park. This can only mean one thing. The Gary Hooper transfer saga continues. Actually we’re told it could also mean Celtic are looking to sign a player. Goalkeeper and left-sided player has been as accurate as Sky have managed so far. In depth stuff. Of course Lawwell could have forgotten his mobile.

RT @tonyfernandes Junior Hoilett not going anywhere. He’s is a key player for the future. Needs a good run in the team #QPR

— Goal UK (@GoalUK) January 31, 2013

19.03: PETER CROUCH NEWS!!!! Oh what a f***ing surprise, the news is that nothing is happening. Crouch is staying at Stoke after talks with QPR broke down and in case you were interested, I’m guessing you’re not, Kenwyn Jones isn’t being transferred either.

18.59: Dutch stopper Stekelenburg had been linked to Fulham but the rumour mill claims he’s off to Liverpool. With Doni leaving and Brad Jones not very good, the Roma player is likely to be Reina’s back-up

BREAKING: Liverpool have had a loan approach for Roma’s Maarten Stekelenburg, with an option to buy for £7m accepted. #Transfers

— Transfer Central (@CentralTransfer) January 31, 2013

18.56: After a quick tea break which involved some unsuccessful flirting in the canteen, it’s back to the transfer grind. There’s news on Peter Crouch coming up…my breath is duly held.

18.41: Peter Odemwengie may not be off to QPR after all. Jermaine Jenas is though. Some good and bad news there. In that order.

18.38: DJ Campbell  appears be off to initially thrill but ultimately disappoint Blackburn Rovers fans. Something they’ve become used to.

18.34: Nacho Monreal’s move to Arsenal is looking closer and closer. Graham Hunter knows something he’s not allowed say.

Fulham are considering a late move for Lyon striker Bafetimbi Gomis. #Transfers

— Transfer Rumours (@TransferAlerts) January 31, 2013

18.22: Norwich City are doing their best to make something happen with Gary Hooper. The Canaries continue to make bids and get knocked back. Chris Hughton is also reportedly after Curtis Davis of Birmingham City. City want £4m but may do a deal with Leon Barnett going the other way. 

18.20: Breaking NEWS!!! A rumour Sky Sports made up earlier in the day was almost definitely made up. Leandro is not going White Hart Lane. So he probably will then.

18.17: Alvaro Negredo’s moving to Everton may still be a possibility according to Mr Hunter. Genuinely interesting this one. Oh transfer Gods what must we do to rouse you? I’m not above dancing naked outside.

18.12: RUMOUR – This looks to be a genuinely possible one with Arsenal reported to be close to signing Malaga full-back Nacho Monreal. He gets the thumbs up from Graham Hunter.

18.10: Jonathan Forte leaves Southampton to rejoin Sheffield United on-loan. Yup, that’s where we’re at right now.

18.07: Here’s a picture of David Beckham at his press conference. His attempts to speak English went down well.

18.03: Simon Jordan has joined the fray in the Sky Sports News studios. Here he is pre-make up.

17.58: Poor Dave Craig is being forced to stand outside in the dark and the cold. In Sunderland. He didn’t even have any news. Louis Saha has been released by Sunderland. Danny Graham has still signed. We don’t expect this to change before the window closes. Winger Elmohamady has rejoined Hull on loan.  Pete Colley could also do with a warm coffee but he opened up his particular take on some stories we already know with a terrible Cilla Black impression so screw him.

5.49pm: This is what the lack of news has done to Transfer Koala. Cute but unprofessional.

5.37pm: Joshua has left the building. Metaphorically. He’s still at his desk but I’m (Rob) taking over for the next six hours of David Beckham, Mario Balotelli and Jim White doing his darndest to make no news sound like news.

5.31pm: Newcastle have signed teenager Kevin Mbabu on a three-and-a-half deal from Servette. The most exciting and notable element of this deal is that the lad is Swiss and not French. Interesting.

5.24pm: Jermaine Jenas has arrived at QPR ahead of a possible move from Tottenham. Ray Wilkins is on Sky Sports and says it is a great move because Jenas has ‘a lot of legs’. More wonderful insight.

5.15pm: Not long now until Mr Deadline Day Jim White takes to our screens and that means that the clock is ticking closer to the 11.00pm cut-off when the window will slam shut. The original Jim White bingo game should hopefully inject some excitement into this transfer window…

5.10pm: Who needs a striker? Louis Saha has been released by Sunderland and is now available for nowt! Four goals in his last 38 league games might not exactly be prolific but at least he’s free.

5.08pm: News coming through that David Beckham is donating his PSG wages to a children’s charity in Paris. What a man.

4.56pm: Breaking news! Jim White is on the Sky Sports roof and Wembley have lit up the arch on this ‘special day’. According to Mr Deadline Day himself ‘so much is happening, what a day it has been’. Jim please stop lying to me, it’s been crap.

4.52pm: Transfer deadline day might not be living up to expectations but at least we can still be endlessly amused by Nicklas Bendtner’s attempt at looking like some kind of mafia member-come-fashion designer.

4.45pm: David Beckham has spent approximately 79 per cent of this interview looking confused and hoping that smiling awkwardly helps him with the language barrier. Luckily an interpretor has stepped up and Goldenballs is rolling out cliches about being ‘excited and honoured’ to play for PSG.

4.39pm: Under six-and-a-half hours left of deadline day and we’re still waiting for one of the big boys to make a move. All quiet from the Manchester clubs, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool so far. Plenty of time for that to change though.

In other news Beckham has rocked up to his press conference 40 minutes late. I’m not so sure if that falls under the category of ‘fashionably late’ or whether it is just poor time-keeping on Becks’ part.

4.33pm: For most football fans today is Transfer Deadline Day, for Arsenal fans it is just Thursday.

4.24pm: No update yet as to why David Beckham’s presser has been delayed. Reports are that the medical all went smoothly and we’re just waiting for the man himself. Maybe he’s trying to get a clause into his deal about the Spice Girls performing in Paris next year.

4.07pm: Despite the fact that nothing has happened for some considerable time Steven Pienaar still thinks things are ‘crazy’. I suspect his perception of crazy is very very different to Mario Balotelli’s perception of crazy.

Deadline day is crazy hope we get some players in—
Steven Pienaar (@therealstevenpi) January 31, 2013

3.54pm: Harry Redknapp is still delighted with Christopher Samba. The QPR gaffer has been collared by Sky Sports again, this time not in his motor, and the wheeler dealer is grinning from ear to ear about the purchase of the big centre-back. He also mentions that the Peter Crouch deal is pretty much dead. Of course this is Harry Redknapp talking so there’s every chance the Crouchie deal will still go through.

3.35pm: We’re just 25 minutes away from David Beckham’s press conference with PSG. What squad number will he take with 7 and 23 already taken? Will Victoria’s designer label headline the Paris fashion week? When we he develop a hilarious French accent? These are the big questions we need to know!

3.28pm: This is torture. Nothing is happening on Sky Sports and because Twitter is still down I can’t even bring you a wild rumour from an unverified source!

3.25pm: Mike Ashley has shot off in his helicopter and according to Sky Sports that is Newcastle’s work done. No more players will be heading to St James’ and Alan Pardew won’t be getting any more resources as he tries to stop the rot at Newcastle.

3.22pm: All quite in the transfer window at the moment. The most exciting thing that appears to have happened is that Jim White has crashed the whole of Twitter.

3.05pm: Reports are that the Jack Butland deal is worth just under £5 million or less than 1/10th of Fernando Torres. In my book that’s some good business by Tony Pulis.

3.03pm: It’s been a good day for Jack Butland. He’s been named in the England squad for the upcoming friendly against Brazil and now he’s signed for Stoke. According to Sky Sports Butland will be loaned back to Birmingham for the rest of the season which would indicate any move for Asmir Begovic will not happen until the end of the season.

3.00pm: One man who is still dominating all the headlines is Mario Balotelli. The Italian striker will don the number 45 shirt for new club AC Milan after leaving Manchester City for £19 million. We will miss you Mario, thanks for the memories.

2.51pm: Jim White is at the Sky Sports studio and we’ve got an exclusive picture of his desk ahead of his stint on deadline day…

2.32pm: Since Harry Redknapp joined QPR it seems that everyone has had a clause put into their contract saying all interviews must be conducted from car windows. Adel Taraabt is the latest man to get in on the act and he is basically chuffed that Christopher Samba has joined the R’s. He’s also really confident that Harry’s work in the transfer market will keep QPR up, if you agree you can back them at 6/5 to avoid relegation.

2.24pm: Great news for Tottenham Hotspur fans – the Sky Sports News fella, I didn’t catch his name, says not to rule out any movement at White Hart Lane! What does that mean? Well it gives us license to widely speculate and make up rumours based on little or no factual grounds. Work away folks, I look forward to reading some of your best efforts.

2.16pm: Norwich’s fourth bid for Celtic’s Gary Hooper has been rejected. Maybe Chris Hughton should take some advice from 1930′s American comedian WC Fields.

‘It at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point being a damn fool about it’.

2.08pm: The ‘shock move’ graphic is completely ironic in this case. Danny Graham has ended the ridiculous saga that involved Middlesborough and Sunderland and the former Swansea man is now a Black Cat. It’s a three-and-a-half year deal worth £5 million and should ease the pressure on Steven Fletcher’s back for the rest of the season.

2.04pm: ‘In, out, in, out and shake it all about. We do the Odemwingie and we turn around’. That’s the tune we presume the accountants at West Brom are humming right now because according to Chris Lepkowski from the Birmingham Mail QPR have come back in for the want-away striker.

#QPR have returned for further talks over Odemwingie. Looks like they're trying one final time. Story to follow #wba—
Chris Lepkowski (@chrislepkowski) January 31, 2013

1.57pm: Oh Sky Sports News you little tease. They tell us they have news about ‘Danny Graham moving to a club in the North East’ coming up right after the break. The suspense would probably be too much to bear if we didn’t already have a fairly good idea he’s joined Sunderland or, even better, if it was someone more exciting than Danny Graham.

1.52pm: Rumours are circulating round the office that Mr Deadline Day Jim White will be on our screens at 7.00pm. What will his first cliche be though? ‘You’ll hear it here first’ looks like a nice shout at 5/1. You can find all the odds and more right here.

1.42pm: There’s not a lot happening, nothing in fact. To the point where Sky Sports News are showing shots of a load of people sat behind computers and describing all the ‘hard work’ they’re doing in the run-up to 11.00pm. By ‘hard work’ I can only presume that they all swiftly minimised Facebook and opened up a technically looking Excel document.

1.36pm: It’s a done deal! Kieron Dyer has joined Middlesbrough on a short-term move. Here’s the reaction of the medical staff at the Riverside.

1.32pm: Woohoo! Harry is doing another interview from his car and his phone is ringing! There’s no real news, the long and short of it is that he’s chuffed about signing the man-mountain Chris Samba.

1.27pm: Is the Chelsea barber set for more disappointment. After Fernando Torres and David Luiz had their mops chopped he must have been praying hard that Roman Abramovich would dip into his back pocket and pay for Marouane Fellaini to come to Stamford Bridge. According to Sky Sports that deal is almost definitely probably off. Still a good chance it could happen then.

1.19pm: For any forgetful Sunderland fans this is what loyal Newcastle fan Danny Graham said when asked who he would support if Newcastle United didn’t exist, while he was playing for Watford. Charming.

‘Put it this way I would stay as far away from Sunderland as I could. It would probably have to be Gateshead’.

1.15pm: According to Ben Smith from the BBC, Danny Graham to Sunderland is a done deal. He is obviously aware that the BBC can sometimes be as reliable as your nan’s 1983 Renault Clio, especially on deadline day, so he’s helpfully provided a picture for us.

It would appear Danny Graham's move to Sunderland is done. http://t.co/SjYLaZEk—
Ben Smith (@BenSmithBBC) January 31, 2013

1.09pm: Martin Jol has decided to reignite an old flame this afternoon. Luckily for his lovely wife Nicole this old flame is not some young attractive woman who Martin once courted, but instead Urby Emanuelson who played for Jol at Ajax and has now signed for Fulham from AC Milan on loan.

12.53pm: In a controversial move, Sky Sports News have ushered the eye candy, Iain Dowie out of the studio and enlisted the help of German soccer anorak, Kate Abdo.

12.44pm: Liverpool’s only move so far today is letting Dani Pacheco go out on loan to Deportivo Huesca. there’s also whispers of Doni not being around Anfield for much longer.

12.39pm: Alvaro Negredo to Everton was one of the shock potential moves on Transfer Deadline Days, but Guillem Balague seems to have burst that particular bubble.

Everton is interested in Negredo but Sevilla want to sell for 20m euros. At that price he is not going to Everton—
Guillem Balague (@GuillemBalague) January 31, 2013

Sadly, his bubble-bursting is based on logic – namely the logic that Everton have no money. Unless the were to sell a certain brilliantly hair-styled superstar …

Balague makes it a quickfire double bubble-bursting whammy by also telling us David Villa won’t be leaving Barcelona:

David Villa is not leaving Barcelona in this transfer window Barcelona keep telling me—
Guillem Balague (@GuillemBalague) January 31, 2013

12.21pm: There’s been speculation that Andrei Arshavin will be leaving Arsenal this January. Zenit St. Petersburg are the 2/1 favourites to be his next destination, but after seeing these frankly mental photos, my money’s on him joining the Backstreet Boys.

12.15pm: Becchio gone to Norwich, former flavour of the month, Steve Morison goes to Leeds as part of the deal – Matt Barlow sums it up:

Have Norwich City singed Becchio with their Leeds United loyalty card points?—
Matt Barlow (@Matt_Barlow_DM) January 31, 2013

12.12pm: It’s confirmed Stoke have made a bid for Jack Butland. Is Begovic really going to get to enjoy his popcorn this evening?

12.10pm: Ian Poulter has just tweeted this. Either it’s him in his first Arsenal kit or the Gunners have signed Dido. She’d be an improvement on Andre Santos.

12.03pm: Andros Townsend to QPR is off. It seems to be news to everyone including Andros Townsend who turned up at the club for a medical.

12.01pm: Actual LOL, not just typing it and laughing silently to myself.

It's all business down at Loftus Road. Redknapp's Accounting & Legal Team have just been spotted arriving at the ground http://t.co/UQzMbU1c—
Paddy Power (@paddypower) January 31, 2013

12pm: Wow! Only 11 hours to go. Quick, tell us what Danny Graham is up to.

11.58am: I was basking so much in the radiance of Yorke’s smile that I completely missed him saying this:

Yorkie on Becks: "He loves the game. It's been his life throughout his.. ah… lifetime." #transferdeadlineday—
dangerhere.com (@dangerhere) January 31, 2013

11.52am: How happy is Dwight Yorke?! He smiles all the time. He always looks like he’s being fellated just out of sight of the camera.

11.48am: Asmir Begovic seemed pretty certain he was going to spend his evening eating popcorn and watching Sky Sports News, but he might need a rethink if we blindly go along with made-up rumours. He’s now being linked as the target of a late bid from Chelsea. That’s Chelsea who already have Petr Cech and Thibaut Courtois on their books.

11.41am: Iain Dowie is the pundit in the Sky Sports News studio now. He’s aging well even if his pronuncation of ‘Ligue Un’ sounds somewhere in between a sneeze and an orgasm.

11.38am: Hoffenheim-bound Heurelho Gomes just tweeted this (before dropping the phone we’re guessing)

On my way to Germany for a medical !!!!—
HEURELHO GOMES (@GOMESNUMBER1) January 31, 2013

11.33am: Wigan have a £3 million bid for John Stones accepted by Barnsley.

11.31am: Mega rich golfer and voice of the ordinary Arsenal fans, Ian Poulter questions the lack of activity at the Emirates Stadium this Transfer Deadline Day:

Do we think Wenger has found bolt cutters to the Arsenal's cheque book today. Or has it been buried under another pile of steel.—
Ian Poulter (@IanJamesPoulter) January 31, 2013

11.26am: The guy at Stoke is mentioning that ‘Tony Pulis has been here since 7.30am’ at every available opportunity. What’s he hoping that will happen? Pulis gets head-hunted to be a milkman?

11.21am: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try again. And then try again. And then up your bid slightly and try one more time’.

That seems to be the motto at Carrow Road as Norwich have reportedly made a fourth bid to get their hands on Celtic’s Gary Hooper.

11.19am: Luciano Becchio to Norwich is done. The world reverts back to its traditional axis.

11.12am: Swansea have accepted a £5 million bid from Sunderland for Danny Graham and this story is still in no way tedious.

11.06am: This ‘David Beckham to PSG’ yarn may not be the total crap I’d pegged it for. The BBC are reporting he’s on the way to the French capital to finalise a deal. But then again, they’ve also rigged a Blue Peter phone-in, so maybe we can’t place too much trust in them.

He’s available on a free, but he’ll cost a pretty penny in wages. On the plus side, Posh won’t eat much when she enjoys the corporate hospitality at the Parc des Princes.

11.02am: Napoli striker, Edinson Cavani has been linked with moves to Manchester City and Chelsea in the past and with an asking price of £54 million, you can see why. He’s told potential clubs not to let that massive price put them off because he’s worth it:

If a club has a clear project and they want to focus on me, they can’t be frightened in front of this figure

10.45am: Spurs player, Andros Townsend is having a medical at QPR. I’m not sure what the appropriate level of excitement should be for that news nugget.

10.41am: Fulham are linked with another Serie A loan raid. Marteen Stekelenburg could come to the Cottage until the end of the season if rumours are to be believed. The Dutch keeper might be tempted into a move, possibly to avoid any more run-ins with Lucio’s boot:

10.30am: David Villa will not be going to Manchester City apparently. Lovers of finely groomed facial hair are in despair.

10.26am: FC Dallas winger, Brek Shea (22) is in Stoke to work out a deal. Tony Pulis is keen, but a work permit may be a problem. The Potters are going to make the case that he can ‘improve the English game’ which if it means less playing time for Jermaine Pennant, is probably a debate they can win.

10.21am: Roberto Martinez says some nice things and factually accurate things about Aiden McGeady, but it’s not talking like a man who expects to lure him from Russia in the next few hours.

Aiden is a phenomenal footballer, but is a footballer that is playing his football in Russia. I don’t think that is going to change. It’s not going to happen.

10.15am: Alan Smith (the older, less badge-kissing one) is the pundit in the Sky Sports News studio now. He seems to be under the impression Mark Hughes is still managing QPR.

10.10am: Awww! In slightly sad news for fans of the goalkeeping howler, Heurelho Gomes (31) is leaving Tottenham for Hoffenheim on loan. Although now he’s going to actually play, so maybe it’s good news for goalkeeping howlers.

10.07am: It’s another hasty car window interview. This time Stoke goalkeeper, Asmir Begovic (25) stops his Range Rover to confirm he’s going nowhere. He also says he’d welcome Jack Butland to the Potters, even if it would provide competition for him.

9.57am: Christopher Samba tweeted this:

Good morning to every hope u all ok,may u have a good day from London—
Samba Christopher (@cs4christsamba1) January 31, 2013

It’s not quite confirmation that he’s a QPR player, but it tells us it’s not far off. It also tells us he’ll need a new Twitter avatar in the near future.

9.55am: Alan Curbishley is back in the Sky Sports News studio and this time he’s moaning about how Transfer Deadline Day ruined his chances of taking Charlton to Champions League glory. That’s only a minimal exaggeration of what he actually said.

9.52am: After Dimitar Berbatov pulled up with a hamstring strain in last night’s game with West Ham, Fulham may lack a bit of firepower for the next few weeks. Interestingly, they’ve chosen to address that problem by making an inquiry into the chances of getting David N’Gog from Bolton.

9.49am: BREAKING NEWS! Oh Danny Graham, we don’t care enough to keep talking about you. The Swansea striker’s apparently ‘done deal’ surprise £5 million move to Middlesbrough is off, if it was ever actually on. Sunderland looks off the table, so maybe he’ll just have to be a Swan for a while longer.

9.47am: Sorry, we have no ‘complete bullshit’ image so I had to use the ‘shock move’ one. David Beckham to PSG is the rumour I’m dismissing out of had.

9.42am: Paul Robinson (33) is moving closer to amusing us all with his humourous attempts at goalkeeping in the Premier League. Big Sam thinks he’ll be an improvement on Jussi Jääskeläinen, but he also thought a moustache suited him for years, so maybe his judgement is a little awry.

9.37am: Peter Crouch has just turned up for training at Stoke driven by his father in law. There’s speculation that it means a deal with QPR is a long way off, but I think the most interesting part of it all is he gets a lift to training from Abbey Clancy’s dad. Wow – how the other half live.

9.32am: Paul Scharner (32) looks close to bringing his ‘popping up with a surprisingly high amount of goals’ back to the Premier League. Wigan are close to making the former Wigan man a current Wigan man thanks to a loan deal with Hamburg.

9.25am: Tottenham’s supply of of outlandish hairstyles could reach dangerously low levels if AVB has his way. With Tom Huddlestone looking likely to go to Fulham, Spurs could be prepared to offer Benoit Assou-Ekotto to Inter Milan in return for one Alvaro Pereira.

Who will we turn to for our crazy Tottenham hairstyles now? Hugo Lloris? Aaron Lennon? Scott Parker? Not bloody likely.

9.22am: Reports from Spain say Cristiano Ronaldo has stormed into Jose Mourinho’s office, demanded a transf … no wait. It’s another picture of a sunrise.

9.16am: Woohoo! It’s our first sighting of Harry Redknapp being interviewed from inside his car. It’s all very uncomfortable and uninformative. ‘Training is my priority today,’ he blatantly lies in a Lance Armstrong style.

9.13am: Quiet everyone, Jamie Redknapp is talking.

Here’s in the Sky Sports News studio and he starts off by telling us what ‘moving’ involves.

Sometimes you move north, sometimes you move south, sometimes you move from where you’re settled

Thanks Jamie. I was under the impression ‘moving’ was staying in the one place all my life until my body decomposes into a soggy mulch and gets eaten by cats.

9.10am: It’s been brought to my attention that portions of our target audience won’t get that reference to Supermarket Sweep. Well youth of the world, Supermarket Sweep was a late morning game show presented by Dale Winton. And a ‘Dale Winton’ is a perma-tanned staple of cheesy television show.

9.03am: Considering they’re linked with every player to have ever looked at a football, it’s no surprise to see QPR are favourites to be the Premier League club making the most signings on Transfer Deadline Day.

Southampton, Sunderland and Norwich are the likely also rans in this one horse race as Tony Fernandes embarks on his version of Supermarket Sweep.

8.57am: Alan Pardew is supposedly close to finalising a deal with Standard Liege to bring William Vainqueur to Le Nouveau Chateau Unis. Possibly purely because he’s French.

8.49am: Boro legend, Bernie Slaven welcomes Danny Graham with open arms:

Is this some kind of joke ? Middlesbrough agree a £5 million pound deal for Danny Graham—
Bernie Slaven (@bernieslaven) January 31, 2013

8.38am: Well, no-one was talking about it or expecting it, but Celtic midfielder, Victor Wanyama has confirmed he will not be joining Manchester United during this transfer window. Ok. While we’re at it, I can confirm I will not be joining girlband, The Saturdays. The Kenyan didn’t exactly commit his long term future to the Bhoys however, telling us:

my manager feels I should play until the end of the season for Celtic. Then, from that point, the doors can be open for a move

8.34am: Tom Ince to Liverpool/Reading promises to be one of the on again/off again stories of the day. At the moment, we’re in an OFF situation. Reds boss, Brendan Rodgers is clearly an admirer of the Blackpool winger who Liverpool let go, but the paperwork might be too tricky to get completed by 11pm tonight. Rodgers told the media:

We could still do the deal it but it looks like that one is a bit too complicated at this stage

8.26am: BREAKING NEWS. Tottenham have offered .. hang on … here’s a picture of a sunrise:

It does link to Transfer Deadline Day. QPR are reportedly interested in signing the zebra on the left to boost their midfield options.

8.19am: It looks like Danny Graham will be leaving Swansea, but not for Sunderland as had been expected until he got booed at the Stadium of Light on Tuesday. For some reason, Middlesbrough are now his likely destination.

8.15am: Reports in the papers suggest that Christopher Samba will be paid £100,000 a week to join QPR. On Twitter, @2ndYellow sums it up concisely:

Today is probably the day QPR take a giant leap towards administration. #harry—
2nd Yellow (@2ndYellow) January 31, 2013

8.05am: One move that we haven’t heard much about is the possibility of Alvaro Negredo moving from Sevilla to Everton. That would be a shock, but possibly also a brilliant bit of business and the guy standing outside the Toffees’ training ground seems pretty confident it’s going top happen.

8.03am: The Sky Sports News reporter at QPR rattles off a whole host of names the Rs are reportedly interested in bringing in. It’s too long to list off, but just imagine any player who has ever played football and you won’t be far off.

7.55am: In more Tottenham tittle-tattle, Brazilian striker, Leandro Damiao had been AVB’s chief transfer target during January, but French sports newspaper, L’Equipe are reporting that they’ve also approached Lyon with a view to nabbing Lisandro Lopez. Is he an alternative or an accompaniment?

Here’s a glimpse of what Damiao can do from the recent Ronaldo XI v Zidane XI charity match:

Yes, it’s a fancy trick, but it also doesn’t fool the defender. And Damiao just ends up falling over and giving the ball away. Do Spurs really need that when they’ve already got Aaron Lennon?

7.43am: Tom Huddlestone and his magnificent hair are linked with a move to Fulham. To say Andre Villas-Boas is sending out some mixed signals about it is putting it mildly.

We’ve allowed the club to speak to the player.

The mini-Special One revealed, before expressing his admiration for him in an attempt to drive up the price.

He’s a player we rate very highly.

7.41am: ‘WE CUT AWAY WITH IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS – here’s some shots of the sunrise over London on Transfer Deadline Day.

No word of a lie, that actually just happened on Sky Sports News. Wasn’t even a good sunrise.

7.34am: Someone had to draw the short straw and stand outside the Britannia Stadium for the day. The news from Stoke is – I would advise you to get a firm grip of your hats for this one – Tony Pulis has turned up for work! At 7.30! Wow.

I don’t know why the Sky Sports News guy is so shocked. He needs to get in early. Planning who your players are going to kick and how hard they’re going to kick takes a lot of planning.

7.25am: If David Bentley makes a move today, it’ll be the third time he has switched clubs during the January transfer window. Here he is in a possibly doctored video of him kicking a ball into a skip from the top of a building filmed at the Red Bull headquarters.

Yes it might be faked, but the heart palpitations you get from drinking too many energy drinks is very real.

7.10am: Some poor unfortunate Sky Sports journalist is standing outside Manchester City’s training complex in total darkness, looking more like a burglar than a glamourous media type. It’s not really worth the hassle because all he says is that Manchester City have never NOT signed a player during the January transfer window.

So that’s what it’s come to – now we’re starting rumours that there might be a rumour later on today.

6.39am: At some point in the last few weeks, the members of the Sky Sports News production team got together and asked ‘who can we get in for Transfer Deadline Day that’s relevant, insightful and charismatic in front of camera?’ Oh how they laughed when someone jokingly said ‘Alan Curbishley’, but now the laughter as stopped and he’s sitting in the studio holding court on the days’ potential moves for some reason.

6.30am: Aston Villa are this morning tying up a deal for French U21 and Clermont defensive midfielder, Yacouba Sylla. That’s all their problems solved in one go then.

6.21am: AC Milan’s Urby Emanuelson is going to the place all players who haven’t quite lived up to their hype end up – Fulham. Martin Jol has used his Dutchness to secure a deal to take the winger to Craven Cottage on loan until the end of the season.

6.04am: Taking time out of her busy tipping up favourites who don’t win, Sky Sports News horse racing expert, Alex Hammond is in studio now. One of her first jobs is to tell us QPR are after David Bentley. Like following one of her tips, when will people learn?

6.02am: Could he do it on a wet Wednesday at Stoke? Jack Butland might have to because after saying no to Chelsea due to concerns about the amount of bench-warming he’d have to do, the Potters have made a move to sign the Birmingham keeper.

If we were to speculate wildly – and it’s Transfer Deadline Day so why not – does it mean they’re hastily lining up a replacement for the highly rated Asmir Begovic??? (extra question marks make it more mysterious)

5.55am: Lennon’s comments look to have some merit because already the Canaries are looking elsewhere. Norwich are reportedly close to landing Lucciano Becchio from Leeds as if that some sort of compensation.

5.45am: With not much time to go, you have thought lots of clubs were working through the night on potential moves. It looks like everyone was a bit sleepy and went to bed pretty early because not much has happened end since last evening.

One move that looks unlikely is Gary Hooper to Norwich. After watching his side go 40 points clear at the top of the SPL, Neil Lennon says the striker is likely to stay at Parkhead. The Hoops boss covered all the bases by admitting:

Never say never but we had a third bid yesterday from Norwich and that was rejected.

By Josh Powell | El Clasico

Real Madrid v Barcelona, Copa Del Rey, semi-final first leg,
8.00pm, Sky Sports 3

Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo are the two greatest footballers on the planet today, regardless of what Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Nani or Mario Balotelli would have you believe. But what would happen if you replaced either man with someone else, for example, one Emile William Ivanhoe Heskey.

With 54 goals between them this season the dynamic duo of Messi and Ronaldo have scored more than 89 of the 92 English league teams, with just Port Vale (58), Manchester United (57) and Watford (56) scoring more.

Since swapping Manchester for Madrid in 2009 Ronaldo has scored 133 goals in 121 league games, picked up a La Liga title, a Copa Del Rey medal and increased hair gel imports to Spain by 38 per cent year-on-year.

In the same three-and-a-bit seasons Barcelona’s Messi has notched up 148 goals in 130 league games and built an additional mantlepiece for his two La Ligas, one Copa Del Rey, Champions League medal and truckload of other awards including a few Ballon D’Ors.

Since the start of 2009 if you took away Messi’s goals Barcelona would be 71 points worse off in La Liga. The titles they won in 2009/10 and 2010/11 would be wiped out and last year they would have finished a whopping 32 points behind their closest rivals as Messi’s goals gave them an extra 23 points.

Ronaldo’s goals have given Real Madrid 52 league points since the start of 2009 and the 15 league points he helped Madrid too last season were pivotal in winning the league. Without him Los Blancos would have finished six points behind the Catalan giants.

Now there’s nothing to say that Heskey wouldn’t step up and replicate that form. This is a man with nine goals in 92 league games when he was at Villa don’t forget. It could have been him beating Gerd Mulleur’s record and collecting his fourth Ballon D’Or on the spin this year if fate had dealt him a different hand. Or a more clinical right foot.

Incredibly if you took away Emile Heskey’s goals from the Newcastle Jets, they’d be 13 points worse off and rock bottom of the Australian League. Either that or someone better than Heskey could have stepped up and put them in the top two, but that’s just widely unrealistic.

Ahead of another mouth-watering El Clasico, the point is that both Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo are two unbelievably good players who have been fundamental in their respective teams recent success. Without them there is a significant chance the last four years would have been very different in the footballing world.

In last season’s league game between the two sides both Ronaldo and Messi scored two each in  a 2-2 thriller. Both men are in unstoppable form and Paddy Power is offering an enhanced Power Play on both Ronaldo and Messi to score two or more goals each at 16/1.

Who will steal the show in tonight’s semi-final first leg? Unfortunately it won’t be Heskey, but it should still be a thrilling encounter.

• Betting: Real Madrid v Barcelona
  

HANDS UP WHO WANTS TO BE A GUNNER – With limited chances at Barca, Villa could make the move to Arsenal (pic: Inpho)

Vil’ It Happen for Arsenal

David Villa was an unused sub in Barcelona’s Copa Del Rey victory over Malaga and some people have joined the dots to suggest it’s a sure-fire sign he’s definitely, absolutely, positively 150% on his way to Arsenal. Despite famously being averse to players over 30 and generally spending money, it’s suggested that Arsene Wenger is now likely to make a move for the striker. Barca don’t seem overly pushed about keeping him but they have said they won’t let him go during January’s panic buying window. Daily Mail

Tying Up The L-eagle-itties

Yes, that’s a woeful headline, but stick with it because it’s an interesting story. Wilfried Zaha is due at Old Trafford today for a medical and providing he has two legs, two arms, a head and doesn’t start wheezing walking up the stairs, he’ll complete a £15 million move to Manchester United. The Crystal Palace whippersnapper (20) won’t join the United title push just yet as reports say he’ll be loaned back to the Eagles to help with Operation Get Ian Holloway’s Mad Quotes Back Into the Premier League. The Mirror

Other stuff

- After failing to kill Bart Simpson and his aunt Selma, life gets worse for Fabricio Coloccini as he’s told it will cost him £7 million if he wants to hissy fit his way out of St. James’s Park this January. The Mirror

- Manchester City have reportedly reject AC Milan’s bid to take the comical hijinks of Mario Balotelli on loan until the end of the season. The Italian club have cracked open the piggy bank and revealed that the most they can afford to spend on City’s striker is £21.2 million. Gazzetta dello Sport

- Sunderland are nearing the capture of ‘an unnamed Peru international left back’. I think they’re just being coy about who it is rather than signing someone who has no name. The Journal

- Despite not giving much of a toss when he was available on a free last summer, Tottenham have been swept up the Mohamed Diame flavour of the month buzz and will pay the £3.5 million it costs to release him from his current contract with West Ham. That will upset Arsenal, Everton and Fulham who were also keen on the midfielder. The Guardian

Ti-TOTAL SHOCK – Vilanova and Barca were shocked by Real Sociedad

By Aidan Elder | Chief Sports Writer

It’s time for our weekly look at the odds-ons shots you were cursing into your cornflakes about this morning. Here’s our round up of the shorter priced teams you may have included in your weekend bankers accum who ended up being more disappointing than Police Academies 2 to 7.

Barcelona – 3/10

Opposition: Real Sociedad at La Anoeta (La Liga)

What went wrong?
The fact that Barcelona basically steamroller everyone these days is pretty much what went wrong. They looked to be cakewalking their way to an 11th consecutive away win in this season’s La Liga after Pedro put them 2-0 25 minutes in. Possibly thinking too much about Harlem Globetrotting their way through the next 65 minutes using an array of flicks, tricks, ladders and slam dunks, they let the Basque side into it. Two goals from Gonzalo Castro got them back into it, before Imanol Agirretxe took advantage of some defensive daydreaming to score the injury time winner.

If his taking of Shakira’s hip gyrations off the market was enough of a reason to hold a long distance grudge against him, then Gerard Pique’s silly red card might just do it. He got his second yellow card on 56 minutes when Barca were 2-1 up and the rest is a little bit of history. Barca only managed three attempts on target, so it wasn’t even a case of the Sociedad goalkeeper having the game of his life. A huge shock for the La Liga leaders and a huge kick in the nuts for anyone who included them in their accum.

Newcastle – 8/11

Opposition: Reading at the Artist Formerly Known as St. James’s Park (Premier League)

What went wrong?
We all know Newcastle have struggled like America struggles with Cheryl Cole’s accent in recent weeks, but surely a home game against hapless relegation fodder, Reading was the beginning of a turnaround. Victory would at least give Alan Pardew some breathing space and more time to insist he knows what he’s doing, but what he got was the biggest Geordie disappointment since Joe McElderry’s career.

With Cheik Tiote at the African Nations Cup and Shola Ameobi sadly not, this was always going to be trickier than it looked, but still, it’s Reading. Yohan Cabaye put the Magpies in front thanks to a superb free-kick, but Brian McDermott introduced ‘not-super-but-moderately-successful-sub’ – one Glenville Adam James Le Fondre. The man with Stockport’s poshest sounding name worked wonders, first introducing the ‘sliding chest’ to score the equaliser and then providing a more orthodox striker’s finish six minutes for what turned out to be the winner. The Toon Army are well and truly in a relegation scrap now and that will seem like a fair punishment to anyone who backed them.

Blackburn – 9/10

Opposition: Charlton at Ewood Park (Championship)

What went wrong?
Since parting company with Henning Berg at the end of December, Blackburn had gone on a run of four games without defeat. With Michael Appleton taking over the managerial reins, hopes of enjoying that vague ‘new manager bounce’ phenomenon were high. Combined with Rovers’ good home record against Charlton, backing the Ewood Park outfit looked like a logical call but as it turned out, it had ‘making Henning Berg dance to a Michael Jackson song at the Christmas party’ levels of success.

Charlton came into the game with some good form of their own and that became apparent when they took the lead after 26 minutes. Jordan Rhodes equalised for Roves, but Yann Kermorgant put the Addicks ahead once more and then Blackburn pretty much rolled over and had their bellies tickled – a point implied by Appleton’s scathing post-match verdict on his players.

I’m not sure how committed they were once we conceded the second goal, which was a disappointment. There’s no time to shirk your responsibilities. We’re professional people, whether you’re manager, coach or a player. You’ve got to take the responsibility that goes with it.

Punters probably won’t be so quick to take responsibility for backing Rovers in future.

Hibernian – 7/10

Opposition: Dundee at Easter Road (SPL)

What went wrong?
With the SPL’s two horse race reduced by 50%, Hibs have briefly looked capable of being the also-rans closest to grasping at Celtic’s coat-tails. Pat Fenlon has turned around the relegation form of the latter part of last season and even had them topping the table. Form has been patchier since, but they were still expected to dispose of the SPL’s worst team with ease.

Going into this game, Dundee had taken just one point out of a possible 21 from their last seven league matches. Coming out of it, they’ve now taken just two points out of a possible 21, but that minimal improvement was enough to send a few accums down the toilet.

Dundee brought a touch of the Barcelonas to Easter Road with their goal, a one touch passing move finished off by John Baird. The Hibees equalised through Leigh Griffiths, but a lot of huffing and puffing couldn’t get them a winner and if anything, the lowly visitors were the ones with the clearer chances to snatch all three points. Hibs, Dundee and favourite-backing punters – none of them won. It’s disappointment all round, which could work as the tagline for Scottish football in general.

Malaga – 8/13

Opposition: Celta Vigo at La Rosaleda (La Liga)

What went wrong?
The Malaga owner not wanting to spend any more money and Roque Santa Cruz now being seen as the team’s attacking threat is pretty much what went wrong. The Paraguayan wasted a couple of good opportunities with a couple of unexpected bouts of unselfishness. Twice in the space of a few first half minutes, he did everything you’d expect of a quality striker to create chances for himself, but when the moment came to pull the trigger, he attempted blind passes to on rushing Malaga team-mates who actually hadn’t bothered their arses to on-rush.

As you’d expect from a Champions League team taking on plucky relegation battlers at home, Malaga went 1-0 up thanks to a goal from Demichelis late in the first half. They showed the silkier skills for most of the game, but they still looked vulnerable defensively however. Celta cracked their marshmallowy rear-guard was cracked 14 minutes from time. Malaga defender, Wellington decided to deal with a not especially threatening through ball by passing it to Augusto Fernandez who slotted it in from about nine yards out. It cost punters who had them in their accum. Maybe not the price of a world class striker, but it cost them.

HE’S ALL ZLAT – Ibrahimovich missed a sitter against Ajaccio, but he still thinks he’s great

We got treated to another hugely eventual weekend of football across the continent. As ever, we tried to make our fortune with an ambitious accum so we could tell our boss where he could stick his job, but the fact I’m writing this piece should tell you how that went. Here’s a look at some of the shortest price favourites who failed to do the business and may deserve the bulk of your ire.

Paris St. Germain

Odds: 1/7
Opposition: Ajaccio at the Parc des Princes (Ligue 1)

What went wrong?

Despite having line-up worth roughly the same as the entire island of Corsica, PSG couldn’t get the goal to send their island visitors home with anything less than a couple of Toblerones picked up in duty-free. With the highly rated Mexican goalkeeper, Guillermo Ochoa and an Adrian Mutu who needs to keep playing professionally until he’s about 320 years old to repay what he owes Chelsea, Ajaccio aren’t hopeless relegation fodder, but they aren’t a million miles from those levels either.

PSG were expected to win and win handsomely, but with 25 attempts on goal and only four of them on target, Carlo Ancelotti’s side showed all the accuracy of a Wikipedia biography. They bossed affairs, but couldn’t get the goal. Bad finishing was the main culprit of the weekend’s biggest choke, but the cause wasn’t helped by Thiago Motta who got sent off just before half time for trying to relief one of the Ajaccio players of his ankle. It finished 0-0, making it the biggest farce in the French capital since the Griswald’s stopped by on their European Vacation.

Dunfermline

Odds: 2/7
Opposition: Airdrie at East End Park (Scottish First Division)

What went wrong?

The Scottish lower leagues are often a fertile hunting ground for people looking to beef up their accums with some sort priced bankers. Top of the table Dunfermline’s hosting of relegation scrappers, Airdrie had all the hallmarks of a straightforward short-priced win, but the Pars put in a performance that made spending a cold January afternoon in Dunfermline even worse than it already is.

The league leaders went behind after four minutes, managed to equalise before conceding two second half goals. Charlie Adam’s goalkeeping and presumably less rotund brother, Grant Adam was one of Airdrie’s heroes thanks to some crucial saves, but the two goals from Ryan Donnelly also helped. As measure of how disappointing the Pars were came from their goalscorer, Ryan Wallace who failed to insult a referee or opponent when he admitted:

Airdrie were excellent. All over the park they were winning first and second balls. Full credit to them, they came here, worked hard and deserved all the points.

Such a disappointingly level-headed and mature view isn’t what you expect from a Scot after a defeat, heaping more misery upon anyone who backed the Pars.

Real Madrid

Odds: 1/2
Opposition: Osasuna at Estadio El Sadar (La Liga)

What went wrong?

The Special One’s seemingly long and fractious goodbye from Real Madrid continued apace on Saturday night as the defending champions were held to a draw which about 24 hours later allowed Barcelona to extend their lead to 18 points over their hated rivals. Jose will no doubt point to the fact he was without Ronaldo, Sergio Ramos and Antonio ‘totally my actual first choice keeper and not just a stop-gap while I teach Iker Casillas a lesson for not liking me’ Adan due to suspension, but still Real were expected to record a win over a team who look so destined for the second tier they should call Neil Warnock now.

Real can’t even point to bad luck or the Osasuna goal leading a charmed life for their convenient excuse because the stats say La Liga’s basement club had more shots, more of which were on target, more corners and the same amount of possession as the Madrid giants. Kaka got sent off 18 minutes after coming on as a substitute, but as it’s no longer 2006, that doesn’t matter as much as it used to. Another terrible night for Real and a worse one for anyone who threw them into their bankers accum.

Hull

Odds: 8/13
Opposition: Sheffield Wednesday at the KC Stadium (Championship)

What went wrong?

Steve Bruce is currently enjoying the latest of those spells in his career when he gets loads of ill-advised praise thrown away and looks like a managerial genius who can do no wrong. You know, it’s that twelve to eighteen month period of time that comes just before things turn to crap and he gets found out as the adequate but unexceptional gaffer he is. To his credit, he has Hull challenging for automatic promotion and the Tigers were odds-on favourites to dispose of struggling Sheffield Wednesday at home.

The Owls took the lead early on, but Hull equalised late on thanks to Robert Koren. Then Tigers’ goalkeeper, Eldin Jakupovic took centre stage – not in the good way. He butter-fingered a cross into his own goal and also got clattered in the process, meaning he needed to be stretchered off in a neck brace. Despite only being on the pitch for about 10 minutes, substitute keeper, Mark Oxley couldn’t keep a mini-clean sheet (clean napkin?) and a Michail Antonio goal made it 3-1 to the visitors. Bad news if you backed them and even worse news if you’ve had your ego inflated recently with some undue praise.

Tottenham

Odds: 4/5
Opposition: QPR at Loftus Road (Premier League)

What went wrong?

Ok, I’ll admit it. I didn’t watch this one. I was doing my weekly shop in Aldi (I bought a cake stand for some reason), but I kept up to speed with on the car radio. The guy on the radio basically said ‘Tottenham haven’t broke the deadlock, but they do have three substitutions remaining’ as if that was some reassuring sign that their superiority would shine through.

That superiority did shine through, although in the form of some flattering statistics rather than the three points. If it was a boxing match, the visitors would have been awarded the win, but then again, if it was a boxing match, Spurs would have been thumping the air adjacent to their opponent rather than their opponent. They went close a number of times but found out that Julio Cesar is no Rob Green. The Brazilian pulled off some fine saves to earn the R’s a point and give Harry Redknapp a faint feeling of revenge over his former employers.

BORING BORING BARCA – The Catalan giants celebrate winning. Again. *yawn* (pic: Inpho)

By Elflaco | Guest blogger and all-round good guy

So, Christmas is over. Funds are gone, it’s months before my next holiday, Carole from Accounts is talking me through all 109 photos on her phone of her 6-month-old baby in his Christmas outfits…and Barca are back on the telly.

Sigh. Back to the grind.

There are five months of the Spanish season to go and already the engravers are getting to work on the La Liga trophy. It’s over. While Bayern and Celtic look to be coasting to league titles too, nobody is freewheeling like this clinically dominant Barcelona.

Sure, Jose Mourinho’s apparent one-man-crusade to demolish Real Madrid from the inside is allowing Barcelona a longer leash, but not even a finely-tuned Madrid side could stop this procession – Barcelona’s current points-per-game average puts them on course to accumulate 110 points (from a possible 114) by the season’s end.

The ease with which they are going about this season leaves me suffering from ‘Barca Fatigue’. I’m tired of the predictability of their matches. Tired of the love fest. Tired of the snobbery.

The summer of 2012 provided hope. Hope that, with Guardiola heading for his studio apartment in Manhattan, Barcelona would lose focus and regress to being a really good team, rather than the ‘greatest’ team. Alas, it was not to be.

With Guardiola out of the picture, Tito Vilanova has them playing perhaps even more lethal, free-flowing football than Pep’s final year in charge when, tactically, Barcelona began to disappear up their own backside thanks to over-thinking and over-complicating. Their matches are a master class in passing and scoring and so, by and large, are devoid of excitement.

There are viewers that get great enjoyment from these lopsided affairs – those that believe Barcelona’s playing style is somehow the ‘correct’ way to play football and any attempts to overcome these protected species with a different style of play are affiliated with The Devil. From a purely sporting standpoint though, it is hollow and uninteresting. At least Manchester United keep us in suspense before scoring that vital 98th minute goal.

Matches that live in the memory and keep us coming back for more are close encounters, with back and forth action, dramatic goals and even heartbreak. Now not every game can have these, but I certainly don’t want to be heading for the Tapas bar after 28 minutes.

A viewer of Monday Night Football sent a tweet asking Gary Neville if he was bored of Lionel Messi. Neville and the blonde host (that Neville seems to treat with subtle disdain), scoffed at such a suggestion and quickly moved on, while presumably pressing an emergency button beneath their desk which dispatches Jamie Redknapp to hunt down those that dare feel anything other than fawning adoration for everything Barcelona. While it is hard to truly know if the question posed was tongue-in-cheek, I choose to believe that this viewer was another person trying to swim against the tide of Barca-mania and its saturating effect.

Every game we are peppered with facts and figures about Messi – His 400th goal of the calendar year, the 6,008th goal of his career, 25 years old, 4 FIFA Ballon d’Ors, growth hormones, contracts on napkins … the bombardment seems relentless.

Don’t get me wrong, I admire Barcelona’s achievements, they’re hugely impressive. It’s just that their dominance has killed my enjoyment of La Liga. Maybe the 2013/14 season will bring new hope? Perhaps they will slow down, giving opponents a fighting chance and me and the other Barcaphobes can go back to watching them again.

… in the meantime, I see they’re running night-classes in basket-weaving down at the Community Centre until mid-August. Perfect.

• Betting: La Liga