UEFA Cup Final
Glory’s Within Range!
“Don’t worry, it’s just a standard confidentially clause that says if you reveal any secrets about the club, we reserve the right to take you to court and sue you for every penny you have,” the manager explained, before playing the trump card, “it’s the same one Henrik Larsson had to sign when he joined the club.”
Given that every penny I had was essentially the 500 I’d scrape together for a weekly six-pack of Druids cider (the cider so low quality that they decided it was best not to print the ingredients on the can), I wasn’t too worried about the financial penalty, but I did feel it was overly forceful for 16 year old’s summer job. But I was young and I needed the money, so I signed 12 weeks of my life away to Glasgow Celtic Football Club.
Despite the impending legal threat, it’s a decade on and I feel confident I can reveal some of the secrets namely:
(a) if the till was even a penny out, recount and recount was undertaken and a reason had to be given for the discrepancy.
(b) if someone came into the shop looking for ‘Eire 32′ or ‘Wright 3′ (the number of times loyalist Billy Wright was shot in the Maze Prison) printed on the back of a Celtic jersey, officially we had to say no – but if no-one was around and the person promised not to say they’d got it done at the Celtic Shop, we’d do it.
(c) one of the managers was a hormonal cow, who would justify pointless hours of unpaid overtime by saying ‘I’m a perfectionist’ when in fact saying ‘I’m a megalomaniac’ would have been closer to the truth.
That was my first encounter with a member of the Old Firm and it wasn’t nice. My second encounter wasn’t much better and ended with Chris Sutton outside a pub drunkenly and repeatedly shouting “Go back to your f*ckin council house” at me and my mate in those dulcet midlands tones. Rather than paint Mr. Sutton as a monster, I should point out that my Rangers supporting mate had just pointed out that Celtic had been on the receiving end of a 5-1 thumping the previous weekend to which he replied “f*ck off” (I’ve cleaned it up a little) and to which in turn we pointed out the success of his £10 million move to Chelsea – “how many goals did you score at Chelsea? Two was it? You’re deadly. You make Shevchenko look brilliant.” We would have added if we had the powers of clairvoyance.
That rather meandering story was in aid of explaining why I’m not really fond of the Old Firm. My prejudice of Celtic being justified by negative first hand experiences with the club and my prejudice against both being based on a more general dislike of how the clubs have operated down through the years.
Historically, both clubs played hugely important social roles in Glasgow, but over the years the clubs have allowed that baggage to define what they are. It’s one thing to honour your roots, but another to allow it to weigh you down and hinder progress. Hearts and Hibs in Edinburgh were founded along similar lines, but these days the clubs shun any link between the club and any particular creed or political view. Over the years, the hierarchies of both Glasgow clubs haven’t done enough to stamp out bigotry and hatred within their ranks.
That said if Rangers achieve the quadruple, as they are very well poised to do, it will be a sensational achievement. The competitions comprising the four (UEFA Cup, SPL, Scottish FA Cup and CIS Cup) are often derided as second rate, but if Rangers claim all four it is one of the great feats football – not just this year, decade or century but of all time. The sheer volume of games involved makes it astounding. If they pull it off whilst facing a massive backlog of games, they deserve nothing but the highest praise.
Earlier in the season, I didn’t like it when the SPL cancelled a game so Rangers could prepare for the Champions League game with Lyon – big clubs should expect to play 3 big matches in the space of a week and giving them special treatment sends out a message that they see themselves as being weak – but the lack of compassion for their plight since qualifying for the UEFA Cup final has been dreadful, especially when put in the context of the Russian FA allowing Zenit St. Petersburg to clear their domestic schedule in preparation for the final. The fact that the backlog has mainly been caused by events beyond their control (the shocking death of Phil O’Donnell and bad weather) means that the season should have been extended. Celtic fans will disagree, but there should have been more sympathy for the Light Blues.
I hope but doubt that Rangers will win on Wednesday. Zenit were excellent when thumping Bayern Munich in the 2nd leg of the semi-final and have consistently done well since the knockout stages of the UEFA Cup. They have accounted for Villarreal (2nd in La Liga), Marseille (4th in Ligue 1), Bayer Leverkusen (yeah, not great, but they still beat them easily) and of course the runaway Bundesliga winners. In their favour, Zenit will be without top goalscorer Pavel Pogrebnyak, but their classy and hardworking midfield will provide ammunition for whoever leads the line in Manchester. As you would expect from a team with a punishing schedule, Rangers looked ragged on Saturday against Dundee United and had some poor decisions from referee and linesman to thank for all three points.
It’s rare that I’ll cheer on either member of the Old Firm, but if Barry Ferguson is holding that cup aloft on Wednesday night, I’ll have no qualms about it.
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May 12th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
What’s wrong with those two Scottish teams? One thinks is Irish and the other one that is English ?
Zenith will crash the Gers on Wed.
but they to win the SPL title.
Hope GC will get rid of Boruc (the Provocateur )in the summer .Guy who comes from the Catholic Polish countryside where nobody is even aware that people other than Catholics do exist! and thinks he can do anything he wants even at the Ibrox!
Bit of respect for those who believe in the different way .
Or should we give Artur some food for thoughts and get him a ticket to N.I , Israel or India so he may see how religion can divide people!
Wish You had more bets on the ice hockey !Such a big thing is going on in Canada.
Canada to win !
May 12th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
rangers have done brilliant as the under dogs in this cup so far. so there is no reason why the cant beat zenith. it will be really tough . as for celtic if they win the scottish league this year , hopefully strachen will get a new deal, which would be great news because he is a twat and hasnt go a clue.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Celtic FC was set up for the Irish immigrants that fled to Scotland, hence its Irish connection. The purpose is stated as being to alleviate poverty in Glasgow’s East End parishes.
Why would Celtic consider getting rid of him, he is a top keeper and I’m sure a lot of top sides around Europe wouldn’t mind having him.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Eamo F .Polish Population of Chicago outnumbers that of Warsaw.They are districts that people would not speak English after 25 yrs in the US coz the cops speak Polish , lady in the Post Office speak polish and people in the City Hall offices speak polish as well…That doesn’t make Chicago a Polish City ! Does it ? …If we went this way of thinking we would say that Vatican was also Polish .
Good luck for GC although I am not supporting them. I know the history of the GC and that of Ireland as well .The Irish founders are important but the club is Scottish not Irish !
May 12th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
come on the russians get into those yappy bigots
May 13th, 2008 at 9:46 am
I never said Glasgow was an Irish city, just merely explaining the affiliation that Irish people have with it. The rest of your post is just tragic logic at it’s best
May 13th, 2008 at 10:32 am
i thought this was a football match?
and talking of football, i’ll be gutted if rangers win - their negative play has been a disgrace - they’ll no doubt play for pens from the first minute again, so i won’t be watching it.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:23 am
With Rangers having to play some many games in such a sort space of time, Zenit have to have the edge on them, 5/4 is a decent price
May 13th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
What price are Rangers for the Quad???
May 13th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
We’ve got the quadruple priced up at 16/5.
I know the PP bosses won’t like me saying it, but I can’t see it happening. I think they’ll miss out on the UEFA Cup and if that happens, I can see them throwing away the SPL. It’ll be hard to pick themselves up after that disappointment and they’ve got 3 tricky away games to finish the season, against teams still chasing European places or fighting relegation. At best I can see them taking only 5 points from the three games meaning that if Celtic beat Dundee United, the title’s staying at Parkhead.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
zola if rangers are a negative team what does that make celtic. lets all get behind the gers and wise up.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
aidan how can rangers still be playing relegation threatened teams when the stupid league has been split in two. by the way can anyone who follows this pathetic league explain what the split is all about.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
hope the huns get stuffed
May 13th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
When the invading hordes, came over the water they came with empty bellies and heavy hearts. The Scots took them in fed and watered them, and ever since they have been mopeing and whinging ever since. Back home in the dark days of WW2 the fueled nazi u.boats in the night, ever since they have been moaning about the UK and how it is the enemy. If we in the UK are there enemy I have to ask them Why do they stay? There is a poll on the internet, with regards to the celtic tops not being allowed to ROI games as the Irish people don’t want! the association that goes with Celtic Footall Club. As for the Boruc, in my honest opinion he is a crass son of a pig farmer, with all the social graces of a goat. His over the top catholicism is just the product of a lack of education. My gand kids were raised in the catholic faith, till they grew up, and out of it. But as far as I am concerned religion, politics and football should never be mixed. just like whisky and irn bru.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
rangers were excrutiating against fiorentina, and not much better in any other round this year.
i’d rather watch warts grow on my genitals than put up with that nonsense again.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
a lot more entertaing to watch than celtics euro humiliation by messi, thats the differece with a quality manager like smith he knows his attacking limits unlike strachen who tried to out attack barca .
May 13th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Irish guy, the word huns you use is quite offensive, if you are reffering to some conection with the German nazi’s, then I suggest you look at your own history, before you refer to rangers upport as huns. The cardinals met with herr Hitler. The Irish refuelled the U .Boats for the axis.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
tonton , have the warts came back then? I thought the cream was working.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
the cream made it worse - i now have to bathe in goats milk twice a day. it tickles.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
big hun,
good point. didn’t think about it until you said it. The league is split into two, but Rangers still have to play St. Mirren, who could still be dragged into the relegation/promotion playoff. Must be different for refixes.
May 13th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Big Hun, The league is split in an attempt to make the end of the season more exciting as there is a greater chance of having ‘6 pointer’ matches. It’s rediculous though, as the team that finishes 7th can actually end up with more points than the team finishing 6th.
Regarding Gordon Strachan sending Celtic out to go on the attack against Barca; as a number of La Liga teams have shown this season, Barca’s defence is their weak link.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
who cares?
May 13th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I thoroughly enjoyed reading both the article &some priceles comments thereafter. As a City fan living in Ireland, I’m not really bothered who wins, I just hope everyone has a fantastic party in Manchester. I would agree with several points. There is a major bandwagon mentality in Ireland. Whether its Celtic, for ‘historical’ reasons, man united or Liverpool for whatever reasons, or Sunderland for ‘Keano’ reasons, thats just how it is. Rangers have been pretty dire to watch in those games Ive seen but if thats Walter playing to his strengths so be it. Its a results business. As for Zenit as favourites, who would write off Rangers after their run of games and especially away results when they were second favourites eg Sporting, Fiorentina?? Also 16/5 for quadruple is not floating my boat, I might be tempted at 9/2. As for Catholics and pig farmers, and Nazi U boats and so on, people invent whatever spin on history they prefer. The fella that said religion, politics &footy shouldnt mix got it spot on, but, as we know, there are people who wont let things lie and move on, lest we should not forget. I would remind anyone who bothers to read this that there is no singular thing that has caused more death, pain and misery to humankind than religion. I wonder what God actually thinks of all these nutters with a so-called ’cause’ running around mutilating, maiming killing and blowing each other up, in his name?? For me, football IS religion! Why get rid of Gordon Strachan, his takin d piss out of journalists makes him a breath of fresh air. As for warts and genitals, no comment.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
where is this ’scotland’ place ur all talking about, is it same place mel gibson made movie braveheart???
i taut that was wicklow…….
May 14th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I’m glad the huns are in the final, it’s great around here now, as far as the eye can see there’s not a hun in sight……..lock the gates of Manchester and keep the lot down there…ha ha ha
May 14th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Heres the tip, listen or lose, Rangers will win 2-1, Barry ferguson will score!!!!!!!!!
worth a punt!!!!!!!!!!!
May 14th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I’m not racist …
I don’t care WHO beats RANGERS!!!
m.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Ahhh the typical rangers celtic divide feckin religion (YAWN!!) this post is bout the uefa cup final not rangers and celtic btw so lets get it back on course. . . . .. . . . . .yeah rangers mite be playing a more defencive game but least its working or other words would we be in the final??? nah dont think so! as for every one saying we play for penalties weve only had one penalty shoot out in the tournament most of the other games were won on at the oppositions home ground as for zenit have they been much better?? struggled to even get threw the group stages sitting 3rd bottom of there leauge, they’ve only really had good results against bayern & lerverkusen .yeah they can attack but is there defence really so good ?? as for rangers they can defend but can they score??
well kick off is soon so roll on the final let wee barry lift the cup coz tonight is our night !!!
MON THE GERS!!!!!
May 14th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Who cares about an over achieving pub team (Rangers) who got into the champions league by winning a pub league. Come to think of it who cares about the uefa cup? I will be watching Hull City crush Twatford in the Championship play-off…
A Luton Town (also a pub team) Fan
May 14th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Arashavin the key to a Zenit victory!!!
May 14th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Let’s hope Zenit win, as Football will be the winner!
May 14th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
The fact that our state broadcaster RTE hasnt covered this competition and that tv3 are just goes to show the value of this final.I for one couldnt care either way
May 14th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Well done to the much better side on the night! Zenit deserved to win by a mile! Rangers employed their usual non-football style deserved all they got…..Nothing!!!!
May 14th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Rangers and their fans let Scotland down again!
May 15th, 2008 at 10:02 am
in fairness to rangers, they have inferior players to most teams in the latter stages, so had to employ negative tactics to give themselves a chance - if they’d tried to play football, they’d have been knocked out in the quarters, if not earlier. so you have to say they did incredibly well to reach the final.
however in the end the better side deservedly won. and to use a saying which i think may not have been used before, football was the winner.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:54 am
To Bigodite and Big Hun,
I see your fans are behaving as savagely as most decent Scots knew they would. When will Ranger’s supporters( an oxymoron if ever there was one ) decide to join the human race in this the 21ST CENTURY!!
Another Rangers NIL scoreline?? As Jonathan Watson the Scottish Sportsman impersonator will say at the New Year “GETITRIGHTUPYE!!!!!!!!”(Strangely, he’s a HUN too, but he can live in harmony with his fellow man.
Aidan, I thought Ireland had rid itself of “traitors and slaves” to quote Thomas Davis.
May 16th, 2008 at 7:03 am
The best team won so Rangers can’t have any complaints. They did brilliantly just to get there & give their fans a couple of days to remember (or try to remember if they were on the Special Brew at 7am)
May 16th, 2008 at 10:14 am
david have you nothing better to be at at 7.03 am . i was just turning round with my hand on her buttocks trying my luck at that time.
May 16th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
See them dirty scum huns the other night, make ya sick they would. You’d have be delighted they were stuffed
August 14th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Yep - I would agree with that.. Thanks for the line.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
shows the level of utter skankiness that masquerade as football fans. when will the pondscum realise that their retarded religious ranting is tiresome in the extreme. when was the last time any of you set foot in a church
August 25th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
u wud think the sun dance kid and/or paddypower wud splash d cash on an irish team n make em a force in europe we d pack out any staduim here wit a good team n a chance of one of the uefa cups n so say all of us
August 25th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
ita a gold mine the bigwigs are a fraid to touch beats me why
the support wud be there
all we need now is the confidence in a rich kid n he will get richer no doubt
August 25th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
come on irish people make a comment on that giv em an itch lets build paddys pitch
n make the switch goodnight any reply patrick
September 8th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Danke für deinen Beitrag. Bin Leverkusen Fan vom ganzen Herz
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