Magistrate: ‘But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn’t you give her half the road?’
Motorist: ‘I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.’

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburettor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburettor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburettor is. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In the swimming pool.”

Firstly, before anybody starts whinging, I know road safety is a very important subject. This is Danica Patrick (image above) – recently, this lady destroyed the stereotype that all women are crap drivers when winning the Indy Japan 300. Pandering to women’s sensibilities and possibly being a sexist pig in the process, I knew it was too good to be true. At the weekend, when pulling into the pit lane during the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, she had a little accident. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt (see below). I’m calling for a law on women drivers not to drive below 30mph…on the Motorway, insist they keep their eyes open and don’t put on make-up while driving.

My granddad used to say, ‘Life was so much better before they put a window in the Kitchen.’ Have your say on Women drivers. Ladies, defend yourself!!

- Gazza at Italia 90.

- Phil Babb when he came off second best in that collision with the Anfield goalpost.

- John Terry anytime he doesn’t intimidate a referee into awarding Chelsea a penalty.

Watching sportsmen cry is actually quite funny and the latest we can add to the list is Terrell Owens. Having already beaten the NY Giants twice this season, the Dallas Cowboys were well fancied to make it thrice and seal a place in the National Football Conference Final. But it didn’t pan out that way and a lot of the blame has focused on quarterback Tony Romo who took advantage of a bye week to holiday in Mexico with his new girlfriend, Jessica “Do you want some buffalo wings?” “Sorry, I don’t eat buffalo” Simpson.

“Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favourite - in this locker room or in Texas Stadium. I think a lot of people feel she has taken Tony’s focus away,” Owens declared recently, but – possibly after Romo explained what it was like looking at Jessica in a bikini for a few days – he launched this emotional and downright hilarious defence of his team-mate. He’d want to be careful, with Simpson making regular visits to Texas Stadium, the Kleenex could be in short supply.

And just for good measure, here’s the Babb incident again:

You asked for it so we built it.  We are proud to present our new and improved, GTI 16V Results service.

You can now get every result for every market for every event we offer here on the website.  That’s right, it covers all sports from Racing to Rugby, Football to Financials and Cricket to Cycling.

(more…)

Congratulations to Barry Bonds on breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record. I am actually saying congratulations all suspicious like and with my eyebrows furrowed, but it’s hard to communicate that in the written word. How much of the feat is owed to the use of steroids we will probably never quantify, so in the meantime, let’s just enjoy a moment of sporting excellence provided by someone that could definitely use some performance enhancing substances.